How do you handle rejection from the people who used to reach out to you ?

Question

ive always had severe low self esteem, always been very needy and clingy.....expect more from people than they want to give......so far ive experienced a very hard life - bullying abuse etc.....whic damaged my self esteem severeley.

ive been a member of this site for 2 years and there used to be lots of people who used to reach out to me....offer their emails.......want to befriend me....show compassion etc.

that all seems to have stopped now and i dont get many messages or answers anymore.....the people that i used to message, seemed to have abandoned and rejected me...

plus ive let potential friendships slip by because ive been afraid to afraid to reach out to people who reached out to me incase they rejected me....or picked up on my low self esteem and eagerness and desperation and rejected me......so then the persons always ended up moving on.

im 30 and ive never formed any relationships in life and have missed out greatly in life on everything..

never got any qualifications, dont have a work history.....spent all my life on disability.....have a psychiatric record and a minor criminal record.

my goals in life as distant as they are are to get a good paying computer job......then leave england and move abroad to a sunny climate....some quiet village near the coast..

its depressing and disheartening because most people tell me i cant achieve that goal or that i have to be realistic......really patronise me about it......telling me i can never do it....and most people dont achieve those things..

i feel deeply aggressive and angry towards those people and often lose it....clenching my teeth and shouting at them with outrage.

today i exist in a one bedroom flat on disability own hardly no possessions..

my self esteem is non existant. - i have borderline personality disorder and ptsd......ive had my therapy assesment and they told me they might be able to offer me group therapy........i have to wait weeks now to hear..

i feel theres a stigma surrounding me in general because of my past....alot of people seem to be aloof...standoffish....smarmy and patronising towards me.......shop workers, library workers, store workers etc..

even the therapy guy who assesd me the other day was quite condescending and smarmy with me..

every reply i gave to his questions was met with ' OKay ' OK ' ay......okay.....okkkkayy..... ' etc.

in an annoying flat english accent- he wore a lime green jumper a purplish shirt....was very thin...had grey hair and a pointed face..

i felt like i could smash in his skull. he felt very undermining and formal.

clinical and cold.

plus the therapy unit was set in a remote rural place, it was grey and miserable which only made things worse.

so here iam....living alone, no social support, no relationships except my mother.........im at many disadvantages in life.

i have an injured ankle , torn ankle ligaments im waiting to have treatment for.......have to watch how i walk upon it.

and finally the friends i thought i had who used to reach out to me have stopped doing that.....dont get many answers on here anymore..

no one messages me anymore offers their friendship or concern.....so i feel utterly rejected.

plus im scared to talk to people on my messenger list, be myself- then people reject me because i show those desperate clingy intense behaviours.

theres this russian girl who ive spoke to twice a couple of months ago whos on my messenger list- she seems very nice.....but im scared to start to talk incase all my ways show themselves......then she rejects me.

then id be even more depressed and devastated- i take rejection very difficult.

so what am i going to do ?

Answer 1

your answer is in your question you say you have let a lot of potential friendships slip,you sound lonely to me at least you have a mother a lot of folk don`t.so cheer yourself up you are only 30 i`m double your age.You have a goal try to reach it life is what YOU!! make it.Do something everyday to try and make your life better just small little changes.you have your life stretched out in front of you .good luck. :))))

Answer 2

ditto... man, i tried. and feel lower than ever now. i can be such an idiot sometimes.

Answer 3

I don't see anything unrealistic about your goals. You want to get a better job and move somewhere else. That's pretty realistic and many people do it. The people who say you cannot do it are obviously wrong.

The people that seemingly rejected you may have just gotten too busy. I know many people that used to be active on the computer and just got occupied with something else and haven't been back for years.

About the assessment guy: I see how it's easy to think he was purposely condenscending you, but most likely he meant no harm or offense by it. Don't think too much about this guy.

Unfortunatly, not everyone will like you. Just like not everyone likes me or any other person.

I know this will not be easy for you, but I think you should still try to reach out to potential friendships even if it means rejection. If they reject you, they probably wouldn't have been a good friend anyways.

I think if you reach out to people, it may help. If they reject you, try to not take it too personally, remember that there are people out there who would like to be your friend.. even if it doesn't seem like there is at the moment.

Answer 4

be true to yourself, and see if it something YOU did, to run them off and push them away....see is there is something you can do to rectify it, especially, if you hurt their feelings, and accused them of things they didn't do...sometimes,  instead of focusing on what others have done to you, sit down, look at the whole picture,and figure out that it might be U doing the rejecting...and how can someone want to keep dealing with you,when you threaten all the time out here, to 'smash in their skulls"...you asked for it, it is just my opinion....something to think about.

Answer 5

it seems you are the person who is intially rejecting people when they try to offer assistence and just like you, nobody else likes rejection either

Answer 6

To have (and keep) friends, you must be friendly. But you must also choose carefully; the wrong ones will take you to destruction.

As you think, you are. A negative expression and image you give of yourself can project the same negative signal to others, so they may want to avoid you. People generally want to associate with people who are fun and encouraging.

Also keep in mind, that seasons change and people change, move on, get sick, have problems, make new friends, etc. Their reasons for not contacting you anymore may have absolutely nothing to do with you as a person. It happens to anyone.

Years ago, I was in a mess: I was mentally tormented, in despair, felt lonely and sorry for myself, bitter, aimless, frustrated, failure, etc. I got nowhere in a career, which was the wrong one. What took me out of this was when I stopped depending on people, and cried out to and leaned on God. I committed myself to a stronger relationship with Him through Jesus Christ. Then He started telling me audibly about His future plans for me. He promoted me unexpectedly, gave me friends, and brings me wisdom and understanding.

This is about relationship, NOT religion. Your question has to do with relating to people, and since God is a person (although not human), your best hope is to get a relationship going with Him. Then He'll help change you from the inside, to have better communication and to fulfill your destiny. God made us for His purpose and pleasure, and if you put Him first, He'll take care of the rest for you if you let Him. He'll guide, lead, heal, strengthen, encourage, comfort you, and more.

If you would like a better future as well as eternal life that only comes from God, pray this simple prayer out loud:

"Dear Lord Jesus, come into my heart. Forgive me of my sin. Wash me and cleanse me. Set me free. Jesus, thank You that You died for me. I believe that You are risen from the dead and that You’re coming back again for me. Fill me with the Holy Spirit. Give me a passion for the lost, a hunger for the things of God and a holy boldness to preach the gospel of  Jesus Christ. I’m saved; I’m born again, I’m forgiven and I’m on my way to Heaven because I have Jesus in my heart. Amen."

If you were sincere about this prayer, Congratulations, and welcome to the family of God! Now keep the relationship going by

o Talking to God everyday. Let Him have your worries.

o Daily read, practice, and meditate on His Word (the Bible). Start with the books of St. John, I John, and Proverbs.  

o Make friends and get involved serving at a local Bible-teaching, Holy Spirit-filled church (like Charismatic or Pentecostal).

o Tell others about Jesus and how He's blessed you.

If you keep trusting God and don't lean on your own understanding, He can lead you to opportunities when others say it's impossible or hopeless. Try Him.

Answer 7

I think it's down to the way that you perceive others... and yourself. You keep thinking people patronise you and are smarmy- if you stop being negative, then maybe people will want to get to know you more, instead of rejecting you.

you're young- do something with your life. Get a job, even if you dont like it. The more experience you get, the closer you'll be towards your dream. You'll even meet people- try and be positive with them, even if you hate everyone around you.

It's up to you to choose if you're going to allow people to reject you.  

Answer 8

Well, one thing that sticks out in all of this is that you are even listening to those that say you need to be realistic. If there is something you want to achieve in this life then you are perfectly capable no matter what your circumstances! Don't EVER let someone tell you that you cannot do something that you want to do. We only live for a short time, so if there is something that needs to be achieved, no matter how ridiculous it may sound to someone else, then go for it. It is YOUR dream no theirs. Secondly, I feel that you have a general distrust in people so you build your walls up. I don't think that others are rejecting you, so much as you are pushing them away before they can get too close. The only reason I can say this, is because I've been in your shoes. I have PTSD as well, and it is one of the symptoms. It is a very challenging disorder that was caused by someone else causing you pain or trauma. So, it causes a huge wall in your life, and you push people away unitentionally before they can hurt you. So, in turn it feels like everyone is rejecting you. I've been going to therapy for about a year now, and it has helped. I've started taking medication as well, and it has helped. You have to struggle to find it in yourself though, and realize that you are just as worthy as anyone else. If not more!! You need to look at yourself and appreciate your value. Nobody is gauranteed to be in your life forever except for yourself, so why not treat yourself with all the respect and care that you can. :) Start looking into what dreams you hold dear to your heart. Create a "life list." of things you'd like to do in this short lifetime, and start doing them! The feeling of crossing those things off your list builds confidence and warms your heart! I really hope this helps a bit, and that you can continue to find the worth that you hold in this universe. To those that hurt you, they will get theirs because karma is a sure thing. Take care of yourself. :)

Answer 9

Poppet If you were being stigmatised,or punished in any way because of your past, Then I would have been

hung drawn and quartered long ago for mine.

You can't sit and wait for things to come to you,any more than dwelling on your past is going to make you feel better.

Our Past is never going to leave us,It's part of us and sadly every now and then reminds us of what we were have done or has happened to us.

I live with a Past so Horrific that nothing could ever take it away,even though believe me I would love to be free

of it.

What we all have to do is move on, make the best we can for ourselves, concentrate on what we have and how best we can use it to our advantage.

Have your friends really left you? Or are they taking a break from you because you are so down beaten about your self? Sometimes in our struggle for acceptance  of ourself is too much for others. They have problems also, As sad as it seems,you need to try and look at the things in Life you have,rather than those you don't have.

You have a roof over your head, however humble.

You have food and a wonderful brain. Use it,start looking to help others less fortunate than your self.

Then see how much lighter your World will become.

Good Luck Poppet. I am and will be thinking of you.x