How do you handle uncomfortable questions during a wedding reception?

Question

I'm getting married in December and buying a house from a relative in November. Since my reception is being held at my new home, it occurred to me that I need to come up with a reply when asked how it was I got this home.

I'm buying the home from my last surviving great-uncle (in his late 90s) who has outlived 2 wives and his 3 children. His grandchildren never call, never visit and frankly, probably wouldn't know he was even alive if he didn't send Christmas cards. He and his current wife (she's just over 80) are moving into an assisted living apartment and I'm getting the house for well below market value as he has no desire to leave anything to his grandchildren.

At least 2 attendees are in contact with these grandchildren and when asked about the house, I want to completely avoid anything getting back to these folks so that they don't make the lives of this elderly couple miserable. I just need ideas on what to say to immediately end any discussion on the matter without being rude about it.

Answer 1

If they don't know, they simply say, "you'll have to ask your grandparents next time you visit". which may be never.

Answer 2

Just tell them that it is your wedding day and the only thing on your mind is your husband and future you will be sharing together. Let them know that you have no desire to talk about financial, political or private matters. Eat, drink and be merry. Congratulations!

Answer 3

it's none of their business... just tell them what they need to know and nothing more - because they will try to stir the pot... someone will tell someone and then next you'll have to explain yourself even more.

Be on the safe side....So what if they don't believe you...

Just say the house is going to be put onto the market and the rest of the money will be ensured through their retirement/assisting living costs (which can be very heafty).

Good luck and don't be pressured by nobody!

Answer 4

I'm afraid I'd be inclined to say, "We acquired the home as a business transaction, and I'm sorry, the details are privileged information." If they pursue this politely excuse yourself with,"Oh, my, I see someone I don't want to get away, would you excuse me, please." Then walk quickly away. It might help if you could arrange for those those family members who are "privy" to the details to back you. Perhaps you could have a prearranged signal to get you off the hook.

And above all remember, this is your special day. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to discuss business.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

Just tell then what you told us in a polite way

Answer 6

You're buying it fair and square.  The fact that it happens to be below market value is the part you leave out.  That's nobody's business but you and your great-uncle.

He wanted to sell it, you wanted to buy it, you made the transaction.  Period.  He's still alive and capable of making whatever transaction he feels like.  Nobody is entitled to ANYTHING before or after death.  Might as well do you a favor and get a little cash for the end of his life.  

There's nothing wrong with what you're doing.  So why are you feeling guilty about it?  I got a deal on my house because the guy got married and moved in with his wife and they didn't want to pay two mortgages.  I happened to be in the right place at the right time and good for me!  I got a discount.

He happened to be selling it--you happened to buy it.  I won't say that all inter-family transactions go down fairly, whether stuff is bought or inherited.  But whatever--don't feel guilty about it.  Just handle it like you bought it from any other source.

Answer 7

I would NOT want to be in your shoes.  We all know how families can be, especially when it comes to someone not "getting their fair share" from elderly parents or grandparents.

From your question, it sounds like you are assuming the worse; that the grandchildren will wonder why they weren't offered a chance to buy the house.  In all honesty, I think your great uncle should be the one to explain to them his decision, for two reasons.  

First, he will speak from a position of authority (it was his house, and he is their elder) whereas you would not.  Second, the grandchildren are never going to believe you didn't swindle him out of it, and hearing from him that it was his decision (without you anywhere near when they talk to him) is the only thing that will come close to convincing them.

You say they won't know about this until the wedding.  Does that mean when they get invitations that they won't be surprised that you are having it there?  If this is the case, then perhaps they already know how close you are to him, and it won't be so bad after all.

Lastly, if they say anything rude or accusatory, it will be fruitless to argue with them.  Simply ask them politely to leave.

Answer 8

I would just simply say that you have a few houses in the works and you really aren't sure.  Then once you have your wedding there people would [I hope] have enough respect to not ask questions.  But if you still have those few that do ask I'd just say the same thing you have said here, that you spend more time w/him than anyone else and he wanted you to have it.  Let your uncle deal with his grandchildren.  I'm sure he would just tell them how it is...if he is in his 90's he must have some spunk left in him!!  Congrats on your wedding and good luck!!

Answer 9

Blessedly, wedding days are so busy for the couple that it is truly likely you will never have time to do more than just greet your potential problems.  I remember not even having a chance to eat at our wedding!  We left the head table to do the cake cutting ceremony and when we got back, the staff had cleared our plates!

I would not worry about this in the least.  Happy day!

Answer 10

Simply reply, "When Uncle Murray and Aunt Nancy moved to assisted living, I bought the house from them."  If they ask for details, tell them you'd be happy discuss it another time, but you are more concerned today with entertaining your guests.

Answer 11

well you could not invite the two who may cause probs or you could have one or a few of your friends stand by and if they ask the question.have them pull you aside,but if there "consistent".Then a firm,but nice reply would be.Oh isn't it great.Thanks so much for coming.I hope you guys have a wonderful time.And excuse yourself.

its none of theres or anybodies business.its really up to you and your hubby on how you two will handle the it.speak with your hubby and a couple few trusting friends about your concerns to be as prepared as much as possible before the big event.

its a wedding.you will be very busy.hopefully it doesnt come up.goodluck and grads on the wedding.  

Answer 12

I would just be honest. You don't need to tell them how much you bought the house for. That is private. If you have a good relationship with your great uncle and aunt, nobody should mind even if they find out about their kindness.

Answer 13

I would just say, "itsn't it great? It just all happened to work out for everyone involved".

Answer 14

I don't think you have anything to worry about.   If your uncle owned the house at the time of his death, then the house would become part of his estate and his grandchildren would have claim to it.   Because he is selling the house before his death, then it is not part of his estate.  The price paid is a private matter.  If anyone asks,  simply tell them that you bought the house from your uncle before he moved.  Had he sold it to a stranger for the same price as you are getting, the grandchildren would have no say in the matter, so I don't see how they'd have a say in this matter either.  

Answer 15

Why do you think you're going to be asked about the house? If you are, just smile, shake your head and move away from them, any words you utter may be used against you so the best thing to do is say nothing at all, that way they can't trap you into any unwise admissions. Totally ignore them. Your house, your good deal, not really your mom's business or concern you do whatever you have to do to keep the peace.

Answer 16

Just say, "Thank you, you like it? We just recently bought it from a relative. I like it (or, I'm thankful for it) ."

The last thing they hear from you about people involved is "I--> as in I'm" meaning they won't remember the part where you said "relative" and that brought the conversation back to you away from your great- Uncle. If they are making small talk, then they won't push it. Unless they are fanatically keen on the origins of your house, then they will push it, the word "relative" won't slip their mind. So, just be careful that the person you're talking with isn't keen on finding out where you got your house.

Answer 17

This seems like a situation where the grandchildren are going to find out no matter what. I'd either hold the reception elsewhere or maybe just say something like he had to sell the house quickly and you were in the position to buy it.

Answer 18

Just say you purchased it from a relative. If they pursue, they are the ones being rude and you could just say "OH, pardon me, but I must get back to my other guests. It is MY wedding afterall!!!". And then leave the room. If it's going to be such a drama that you don't want though, you could just NOT invite those 2 people.  

Answer 19

It's irritating how some people use a grand occasion to ask questions that do not concern them. They don't deserve a real response. You can tell them the Lady Luck smiled on you and you were blessed with the house.

If the clods insist on knowing, give them a blank look and ask them why they need to know.

If they still insist, smile graciously and say, "Tell you what, I will fill you in with all the details the minute it becomes any of your business."

Then find someone else to talk to. There's bound to be classier people there who would like to spend time with the bride. That time does not need to be taken up by nosy clods.  

Answer 20

It's no ones business except you and your uncle's. If asked how you got the house just be honest and tell them you bought itand leave it at that. Or say something to the effect of "the same way you did" If they press further then politely change the subject or make like someone else is vying for your attention and excuse yourself.

You are the bride after all. Also I must say that it is majorly bad form for such questions to be asked of a bride it is your day and you should not be insulted etc.

Answer 21

Say, "We liked this house, so we bought it." and change the subject. They will hopefully get the hint. Congratulations on your marriage! I hope that you and your partner have many wonderful years to come.

Answer 22

First of all, it would be very rude for a guest at your wedding reception to ask how you got your house. But kudos to you for wanting a polite answer to a rude question.

"We just bought it last month!"

That's all you need.

EDIT: Personally, I would tell them that if they paid better attention to their grandfather they wouldn't have to waste my time with rude, nosy questions, but I can already tell that you are a much nicer person than I am.

Answer 23

In a court of Law they could challenge your Motives and actions. You will never feel secure as long as his Grand-children are not made aware of their legitimate rights as successors. It does seem all too underhanded to me . The longer you hide the facts ,the harder it will be to convince any-one your Silence was not meant to do the heirs out of their rights. Take Advice from a Professional .

Answer 24

Chances are, no one will ask you directly.  I would answer truthfully, but vaguely (e.g. I purchased the house from so and so).  The particulars are all public information (usually through the County Recorder's office), so anyone can find out price, date of purchase, etc.  Good luck with the wedding!

Answer 25

ask them why theyre asking you that. if they do have the nerve to answer that question then say you dont discuss your financial matters with anyone besides your husband.