How do you help someone that is so bitter?

Question

My mom and her brother were raised by their single mother. Their dad, a very wealthy man, divorced them and sent a check for 90 dollars a month for them to live on. My grandmother could only work odd jobs, because she was illiterate, so the 90 dollars is what they lived on....Going without food and clothing more than not. On the other hand my Grandfather remarried, and had other children, all of which had anything their hearts desired. Her father recently passed away and left everything he had to the other kids, my mother and her full brother got nothing. She is very very bitter and it kills me to see her this way..I don't know what to do or say..any advice??

Answer 1

Your mother is holding onto an anger that is older than you or I.  I would suggest you seek counseling for her.  If you have a regular doctor, you can schedule an appointment (make it look like it's for you) then talk to the Doctor.  Let them know of your concerns and you would like a referral to a Family Therapist.  Call the therapist and ask for brochures and information.

Then, when you receive the information I would suggest sitting your mom down and letting her know how very much you love her.  Let her know that you are concerned about her anger towards her father (which is justified) and would like to help ease her pain.  Give her the brochure and give her any information you have obtained on the Therapist.  Offer to go with her to a visit with the Therapist so she can feel more comfortable.

But also let her know that she cannot continue to live her life hating someone who is not worth it.  The man is dead, where he belongs.  She should instead turn that hate into absolute love towards the mother who raised her, the brother who feels her pain and her children who in turn cherish her completely.

Good luck but your mother really needs to let all this pain out.  Help her do that.

Answer 2

just talk to her. shes probably feeling neglected and unimportant. maybe all she needs to do is to let her anger and sadness out. you could say to her, "listen mom, i know how you are feeling. do you want to talk about it?" if she doesnt want to open up, then dont push her. she will come around soon. dont worry and good luck!