How do you just survive being married?

Question

I want to leave so badly, but I made the choice to marry, and now I must live with it.

I hate being married-my husband does not support my work, is not my best friend (our cat is) and when I say I want children he masturbates to p**n instead of trying.

I just need to know how people survive being married when they cannot leave?

Answer 1

Wow, its not a healthy relationship at all. If you have a friend that puts you down constantly wouldn't you cut them out of your life, or give them a piece of your mind? Why should marriage be any different? Yes you made vows, but in fairness p**n? thats dangerous, and can lead to cheating as he's looking at other women or men.

You dont have to stay with someone if you dont want to. He seems to make you very unhappy, and I'm going to take a guess and say you have low self esteem. Wanting kids is a beautiful adventure that he's not interested in. Have you tried talking to him, dont hold back your true feelings, (just dont yell or curse at him) but be open and tell him how YOU feel. If he runs off and masturbates to p**n then he's not a real man.

Hun I realise its a scary thing, I had to ask my husband to leave. I was so freaking scared, financially and emotionally. If you're unhappy, its not worth staying, the only one that pays the price is you. People get separations all the time. Who knows it may even make him realise what a fantastic woman you are, he just needs a kick in the *** to realise it.

I know its scary but you're a strong woman, you have so much inner strength that will get you through anything. Good luck!!!!

Answer 2

people survive being married when they feel they can not leave YES as in they are still breathing, walking and talking but they are not alive, the real them starts to die the moment they know its wrong, the real them needs to stand up and show themselves to the false self and to the husband and do what they know is the right!!

Answer 3

You have the choice to walk or stay.

If you feel you cant leave then find an interest that gets you out of the house.

If it's the s*x you're struggling with then have a affair at least that way you're getting something.

Answer 4

Of course you can leave - it is your choice - you are a free person.

By marrying this man you made a mistake - now you can correct that mistake - it takes corage and determination but why should you live a lie for the rest of your life with a man that plays with himself watching p**n when he has a woman that craves attention.

Get out

Answer 5

You must live with it? No you mustn't. Getting into marriage is a choice, getting out of a marriage is also a choice. Get out or you'll look back on your life as an old lady and think of what a waste it was that you spent it with someone who really seems to have no interest in you anyhow. x

Answer 6

How did you end up marrying this man? Didn't you see it coming? I have a feeling it was arranged. Either way, you can't just 'survive' marriage, my friend said the exact same thing to me years ago 'how do I just survive this marriage, any tips?' - she ended up leaving him a few years down the line when she finally got the courage. Marriage is not something to be survived.

Answer 7

they survive by being with the right person.

Answer 8

making the choice to marry doesn't mean you need to put up with this garbage leave him and live your life and find someone to make you happy

Answer 9

Teach him a lesson!!! ... Cut off the internet, phone, cable, car ..... tell him he can have his luxury when he's ready to be a husband!!

Answer 10

i understand how you feel,

would you feel like a failure if you didnt make it work?

because that is not how it should be.

failing is not staying true to what makes you happy.

however maybe you need counselling, BOTH of you.

if he is not willing to make it work then consider leaving, for me love comes in waves, sometimes i feel like leaving but am always gratefull  i didnt.

Answer 11

You need to get out of this dilemma , surely you are not considering spending the rest of your life like this , master bating to p**n what type of life is that for you !

Answer 12

You survive by trying to always look for the good in any situation. I'm wondering if his unwillingness to have children speaks of his fears about the long term viability of the relationship. If its not good for either of you it might be better to separate while you are still young enough to have that family you want.

Answer 13

Marriage is not something that you just survive in - it's not a survival course. It's about working together, understanding each others feelings and if they are happy or sad and they should be able to talk about these things.

It's about happiness, doing things together, and separately, enjoying each others company and most importantly loving each other. I'm sure there are many other things that be added to the list.

If you are not experiencing any of these things can you explain the situation to your parents or if that is too difficult, a counsellor. A counsellor could advice you how you personally can move forward and that might mean you leave him.

I don't understand why you have this idea that because you made the choice to marry you cannot leave. You CAN leave, if that is what you want. The reason I said to discuss it with your parents is that they may be able to put you up temporarily whilst you do, say what a counsellor has advised.

You seem to feel trapped in a situation you don't really want to be in so now is the time to take some action. I wish you well and I hope you are happy with the way it finally works out.

Answer 14

Always look on the bright side of life.  do your  own thing. if  he don't want it  then find  someone  who does.

Answer 15

Why can't you leave has he got you chained to the kitchen table or something, of cause you can leave because you get married doesn't mean you have to stay if your not happy or not  being treated properly, so leave him him and find something or someone that does  make you happy.

Answer 16

my advice - don't have children with him

RUN RUN RUN

you don't have to be with him just bcs you made the choice to marry him.

Would you keep a spoiled watermellon in you made the choice to buying it???

Answer 17

that's the reason why the action of divorce was created and why the word separation is in the dictionary

you wasn't born to spend your life being miserable until the day you die

marriage is only a public commitment you made to each other due to reasons of lawful events and nothing else

it doesn't make sense that you say you married him and now you must take your punishment, what have you done that you need to be punished?

if you are not happy leave!!!

his only going to end up having an affair, creating another life and family of his own somewhere and you will end up feeling worse and maybe even suicidal

remember you were not born with a tag across your neck saying you must be with him till death do you part .. sure you said it in your vows but its just words!

you only have one life.. make it a happy one

Answer 18

I don't understand sweetheart, why can't you leave, no one has to put up with anything they don't want to. Marriage is hard enough when you love someone but from your question it seems you don't love him anymore, so why do you have to stay with him. If you give us a bit more information on your circumstances we may be able to advise you.

Answer 19

Why can't you leave?  You can't stay if you are not happy.  Life is too short to live a miserable life.  I know you say you made the choice to stay, but you don't have to.  And the other thing is, if you are not happy in your marriage, why do you want to have kids???

Don't stay just for the sake of it.  Live your life, and live a happy life!!!

Good luck!

Answer 20

Firstly - why cant you leave?  Are you chained to the door or something?

Have you tried to communicate all this to your husband?

Did you get a response?

Have you tried as hard as you can to be a best friend to him instead of the cat?

Are you pressurising him into children so that s*x becomes a means to an end rather than something loving and exciting and fun between the two of you without their being a hidden agenda?

How long have you been married - is it long enough to want to bring a child into the world?

How can you want a child with someone you appear to not love, like or want to be with ?

Men arent baby machines you know.  They have feelings, despite what some people might think.

You ought to look to your own behaviour in this and if you can truly say that you have tried, that you have explored every avenue to make this marriage work - then perhaps you have reached the end of the road.

Have you sat down and honestly talked the two of you?  About what you want and where you want to be in five years time?

Marriage is like running a business.

You need monthly meetings and you set targets and you thrash out problems round the dining room (boardroom) table.

You each decide on what 'duties' fall to you personally and you communicate communicate communicate.

You forgive.  You forget and you move on from troubled times.

It is hard work sometimes and sometimes it seems like it would be better to wind the company up altogether and start again.

We've been running a 'company' for 28 years - sometimes more successfully than others.  Its been hard work sometimes.

Perhaps you are trying too hard for what you want and not listening to what he wants or what is best for both of you at the present time.

Answer 21

you can leave nobody is forcing you to stay, if you stay you will become more and more alone knowing that who you married is not your true love, leave do your thing and fall in love YOUR WAY