How do you know if you are IN love with someone? Plz help!?

Question

My husband and I are making a huge decision tomorrow. Whether to stay together or not. We may just end it. or we may decide to take a step back and go back to dating(living separately) and build a relationship on that. We rushed into marriage because of having a baby. We love each other, but our relationship isn't like it should be. He wants freedom. (He goes out alot and he likes that more than family stuff) I don't feel happy either because hes not emotionally there. I don't really know if we are both just comfortable, but i think a relationship should be more than that. I love my parents, but im not IN love with them. I don't think i could go back to dating him after being married to him. How do i know if I love him as a person, or if i am IN love with him?

Answer 1

This is a hard situation but my advice to u is maybe you two need to give each other space to find out if your marriage was soley because you were having a baby or if u two truly love each other. If he is doing all this going out he probably was just not ready for all this commitment. Dating after being married ..... I don't know how well would that work but maybe a true break will make things much clearer for the both of u. Good Luck

Answer 2

You kind of said it yourself... to me loving someone and being in love with them are two separate things. Being "IN" love is what I associate with that strong attraction of a new relationship or new marriage. Loving someone means that they are more important to you than you are. You don't know what life has in store for you but you know that you want to go through the roller coaster of life with this person at your side. I can make the decision for you but he should know that being married and having a child changes everything... you should know that most people don't change... It sounds to me like the way he has been has really changed how you feel about him. Just make sure that you let him know one thing... Even if you decide to end your marriage, he will be that child's father for the rest of his life and he has obligations that don't end just because you are letting his immature butt off of the hook. Good Luck to you, I really hope that whatever you choose that it works out the best for you. Sounds like you could do a lot better in the man department... most guys don't wake up and smell the coffee until they are about 28-30. Are you willing to hold his hand while he grows up?

Answer 3

just try to talk and settle things and look how the baby will feel. Don't start dating because one of you will end up getting jealous.

Answer 4

First off, you both need to try to work things out what ever that means.  How old is the baby?  A lot of guys change temporally after a child is born, they put a h**l of a lot stress on themselves as they are Dad's now,  Bottom line is I would give yourselves every opportunity to make things work.  

Answer 5

having a baby changes everything and if you didn't have a solid base for a marriage to start with it's hard to build on it without it toppling over.........I'd say stay together and do everything you can think of plus 9 you can't think of now to make it work.....then if the two of you can't do it...go your separate ways......I'm guessing you are extremely young.....good luck

Answer 6

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Here are a few things that have helped me in my marriage

~Not relying on my husband for everything. The less I require of him the more he gives.

~Keeping up my appearance. There are no two ways about it. Men are visual.

~Complementing him like I mean it everyday even when I have to search & search for something nice to say.

~Having fun together. We don't like to do ANY of the same things for fun so we've had to find things to do together. Laughter is good for every relationship.

~Get into your s*x life.

~Make you home an enjoyable place.

A baby changes everything, I know. You've got to decide what kind of relationship you want & work hard at getting it.