How do you know what punishment is effective for a toddler?

Question

For example, I have been confused for some time about what type of punishment to use for my son. He's been in the habit of yelling recently and screaming and it feels like he is drilling a hole in through my skull and into my brain. I have told him numerous times when he needs to fuss about something go to his room. But he is so persistent on letting me know he's upset and can't yet communicate to me in words "what's wrong" I am beginning to think this child will never talk because he's always upset about something and sucking his fingers which I was told by the pediatrician could delay his speech. It's like when he yells he thinks that I can understand him because he's yelling but I don't so we both end up frustrated. I just don't know what to do I have put him in time out, sent him to his room, put him in his crib. Yesterday he was in timeout three times and he hadn't even been up an hour. It's just getting really frustrating, how do you know what works? How can I get my child to respect me? Do they ever?

Answer 1

Babies become "humanized" very slowly. They must push the envelope to see where and what they can get away with. If you set boundaries on where the edge is without going over the deep end, you will get the respect you desire.

You may in the future wish you had never taught that child to talk. My non talker/walker was 2 before she ever said a coherent word. Since then she has talked non stop and never stops going and just turned 35 yrs old!

You can only insist that there be no screaming fits, and that he learn to vocalize his wishes without screaming them. Time outs do eventually work, Ignoring the screaming tantrums also works as long as you go get some ear plugs. (found in welding shops)

As soon as they get no reaction, they stop the misbehavior. But if you continue to "see" the misbehavior it will continue.

My grandmother got down on the floor and had a screaming head banging hissy fit along with my nephew who was staying with her for a couple of hours. He never has ever had another one of those tantrums! He was too shocked by his great grandmother down there having a fit too.

Answer 2

In these situations time outs or "breaks" are the best things to do. I would tell my daughter she needed to take a break and calm down before i could understand what she needed. You need this break just as much if not more than he does. Its hard to stay patient but it pays off. Just get down on his level and let him know that he needs to calm down so that you can figure out what he needs. Ask him questions and maybe try to teach him signs if he is having problems with his speech. Also, he may have problems with his ears. All kids go through these phases so just try to be patient with them and take breaks for yourself when you can.

Answer 3

When my daugher did that, my bf was more stern than me.  But we looked at her and said "I can't understand you." "You're not going to get what you want by screaming." This is in a calm manner. Don't yell back it will make it worse. Another thing, take away something he likes..... my daughter loves EXTRA gum... so when she acts bad we take that away. Let him scream and cry or whatever....... and talk back calmly.  

Answer 4

How old is he exactly?  Although his speech isn't there , what about his comprehension?

This is not unheard of.  Sometimes you just have to find your inner strength and be patient.  I did "time outs" with our daughter.  Not as a punishment but rather to cool down and collect herself.  Then we played the "can you show Mommy" game.  It's frusterating but will pass.  Just don't yell back because that's reinforcing that thats how you communicate.

Don't get to down on yourself.  Parenting is not easy.

Answer 5

Find a good comfortable rocking chair and hold him on your lap while he screams . Have a book nearby that you can read together and as soon as you can get a word in  edgewise, say,"i know you can't tell me what you want but I can't hear you when you scream so when you can quiet down we will go look for what you need. Until then, we are going to sit and rock until you can calm down. "He may forget all  about what was bothering him (usually this is frustration about being able to do things) It is also a good idea to have a particular blanket, or soft toythat he can squuze or even throw . As he grows a bit older he will be able to retreatto that chair and those things to calm himself. Reading should be a regular part of every day as you rock in that chair. It will help him with language development and you can gently ask him questions about the  toys or animals , or colors in the story.

Routine, routine, routine makes a toddlers world go round. We used to read stories every day from 1-1:20 and then down for a nap.  

Answer 6

why would you punish him for that?

Answer 7

this may sound brute and just plain abusive but it works,have some type of punishing item[spatula,belt,shoe i.e] if you pop him with it once,and every time he acts out just show him the item without saying a word.if that doesn't work Dial nanny 911

Answer 8

Don't punish him for that. He's trying to communicate with you, it's a phase, why don't you try going to a Sing and Sign class, they're amazing for establishing communication. Good luck. I don't think that punishing children is a great idea. I think that being a good friend is best. You listen to and respect a good friend. You don't listen to someone who punishes and ignores you. I don't have a dictatorial relationship with my daughter and she listens, respects and enjoys being with me.

Answer 9

Have you had him checked for autism?

Answer 10

You could try ignoring that he is yelling and do exactly  the opposite of what he is doing.  Do some more fun things with him.  Ask a doctor.  ASk another parents.  He'll sooner or later respect you.  But take it slow and try to talk him through without showing that you are frustrated with him, and since your an example to him(not to be rude) but when your frustrated of angry has he seen you just yell?  Well if he has, try to change how you react to things.  He's learning so it takes time.    

Answer 11

If he's clearly trying to communicate, but you don't understand him, have you tried working together to find a mode of communication that will work for him?  

Can he point to things that he wants?  Can he show you picture cards?  How about baby sign language?  

When he starts yelling, stop what you're doing & hold him for a minute, asking him to stop because he's hurting your ears & you can't help him when you are hurt.  Then, when he does stop, help him find a way to communicate with you.  

If he can't stop & communicate so that you can help him -and- you absolutely cannot bear the sound (and know he's not in pain or in danger), the logical consequence for him is to leave the space you are sharing, to go to his room & calm down.  

But, that doesn't teach him anything about communicating effectively.  

In those cases, after he does calm down, or at other times when he is calm, sit down & work on calm, effective, polite communication skills.  

Answer 12

first off how old is he? Kids who can not talk yet show what they want by other means fussing, yelling, screaming...and its your job as a parent to figure out whats going on and if he is at the age he can not talk he will not understand what go to your room when you are going to scream means!  

Answer 13

There is never a need to punish a toddler, ever.  If you want their respect, then give them your respect.  You should be teaching and leading your child.

His screaming and yelling is because you don't know how to communicate with him any better than he knows how to communicate with you.  I would suggest getting yourself some self help books, or look online for ways to identify what he is trying to tell you, and how to communicate better with him.  At this age, they only know what they see in their every day environment.  He yells because he probably sees you do it when you get frustrated.

With a little education and some more patience I am sure you can make things a whole lot more peaceful in the meanersbeaners household!

Good luck!

Answer 14

It sounds like your son could have something wrong with him.

Get him checked over again and if there is nothing wrong putting him on the naughty step for 3 Min's would work,

hes to young at 3 to be sent to his room,but at 3 he should be talking by now i think he has more of a behavioral problem brought on by the fact he cant communicate with you

Answer 15

This is not a punishment issue.  Would you like to be ignored if your friend didn't immediately understand what you said?  Of course not!  What you need to do is take time out, get on knee level and start the process of elimination?  Star by asking if he can point it what he wants.  If not then start asking if he wants a cracker or wants water or wants a favorite toy.  Believe me, once you have his attention he will stop screaming at you.  You need patience for parenting to be effective.  Slow down and listen.