How do you know when it is time to leave? ?

Question

My husband and I have been married for five years and together for nine. We have very different personalities, I would describe myself as an optimist, while he seems to be a pessimist. We have talked about our difficulties, including a lack of intimacy and differences in our world views, but things don't seem to be improving or changing. How do you know when it is time to let go of a relationship? I care about him, and I know he cares about me, but I feel very unhappy.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through and are continuing to go through.  I understand since I am going through the same thing, but I haven't even been married a year yet.  I guess I will re-iterate what others have already said here because I will take that advice as well.  If your husband is also feeling unhappy try counseling for at least 6mos, hopefully he will agree to go (mine refuses) at least you will know he is willing to do whatever it takes to save this.  Really listen and accept criticism and apply what you learn.

Do your best to save your marriage I'm sure you feel in love for a reason, but at the same time don't sacrifice your own health and happiness in the process.

Good Luck Sweetie.

Answer 2

try counseling or a church pastor, they sometimes do it for free. try to stay in it. this the "worst" in "for better or for worst".  

Answer 3

when you re fed up and the thought of trying has left your mind a long time ago .  

Answer 4

It's my personal opinion that unless there is infidelity or abuse, divorce should not be an option.  You married "Til death do us part' not "Til we get sick of each other."  You need to honor the vows that you made with your husband, and put timeless effort into your relationship.

You married one another for a reason, and it's time to get back the feelings you had for one another when you said those vows.  Try going out on regular dates with one another.  Cherish each other, be affectionate and sexual with one another.  Love each other, respect each other, and always put each other first no matter what.

If you really feel strongly you need to leave, then leave - however I feel it should be a complete last resort.  If you're not happy, try making yourself happy.  I suggest going to some counseling if you cannot fix things on your own.  Try counseling for 6 months to 1 year, and THEN divorce if you still feel you cannot possibly work things out.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Hi.. When I read about your situation, I was reminded about something I recently came across: The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

Do you think it's ok for partners, who care for each other, to be different?  Is there a balance of give and take in your relationship... on your part... on your husband's part?   Would you and your husband be willing to give more... to love unconditionally, joyfully in the moment (in any activity)... without expecting anything in return?

It's very good that your are able to talk about your challenges in your marriage... and that you both care for each other....  Given all this, it seems there just has to be other opportunities for you and your husband to grow in yourselves and in your relationship.  A marriage counselor could perhaps help you put things in perspective.  I've also heard good things about a marriage retreat....

I wish your and your husband (and kids?) well.

Answer 6

When your feeling VERY unhappy!

Answer 7

When the time comes, there will be no doubt in your mind that its over. If there is still doubt now, maybe you should stick with it. Maybe speaking with an attorney will help, it will prepare you for what financial and emotional hurdles you will be about to jump through. It gave me a better idea of the huge life change I was about to face, and I went through with it. Much happier now.

Answer 8

Life is too short to be consistently unhappy.

It's time for some time apart - you'll either grow apart or come back together at a higher, more mature place.

Answer 9

My husband and I are going through a similar situation.  He doesn't feel attracted to me like he should and he feels we should part ways.  We separated due to the same reason over a year ago.  We reconciled and thought things were going fine.  We just celebrated 4 years of marriage in June.

People get unhappy in a marriage or any relationship for that matter, because of any and every reason....  Not being happy with ur spouse is depressing and though I'm sure you love your husband, you have to do what's right for YOU.

Can you live without him?  Do you think you can do better?  Have you already started seeing a third person?  Do you feel like your feelings can change with some help from a therapist or marriage counselor?  

Maybe there is another reason why you feel the way you do, and you just don't know it.  I suggest you exhaust all options before you go consider a divorce.  

If all else fails...then follow your mind, not your heart.

Answer 10

When you just don't give a d**n anymore

Then it is time

Answer 11

If you have to ask then it's probably not time.  When you've had all you can take and the time is right, you know...no doubt.

Answer 12

My husband and I are very opposite and unfortunately we are going through a divorce (his idea not mine) but my advice to you is counseling.  If you two love each other then give counseling a try.  If not at least you tried to make it work.  

Answer 13

Differences in world view should be treated as fascinating topics of conversation, not as problems.  Think of the intelligent, stimulating conversations you could have!

As for lack of intimacy, the cure for that is not talking about it, but engaging in intimacy.  Spend alone time together, do some cuddling, and have more s*x.  

Your problems certainly don't sound worthy of breaking up a marriage over!