How do you know when its time to leave for good?

Question

Ive been married for almost 8 years and the last 2 1/2 years have been so rocky. my husband has been battling a drug problem and its only getting worse. I moved out only 6 months ago, but he has made no effort to change. its very complicated relationship, but we don't have any kids or major financial ties. I honestly can say i and his family have tried everything from Rehab to Rehab. His family however, is still upset that i left and that's even more harder to deal with. So how far do you put up with something that may or may not change. And how do you know if when he does change for the better if he will want you back in his life? When is enough enough?

Answer 1

When you are bored.

Answer 2

It sounds like you've had enough.  You can't continue being with someone because you think they may one day get better.  Some will call me cruel, but it is up to your husband to get the help he needs and to stay clean.  No one can help him but himself.  Its not ok for him to drag you down with him.  You've got to look out for yourself, and that is the only thing you can do.

Answer 3

wow thats tough, if you really love him then hold on just a little bit longer, but if he doesn't love you and his family enough to quit all these drugs then you have to let go of him. good luck!

Answer 4

When you find someone else call it quits for good.

Answer 5

People will never change until they are ready to change themselves, you can't make them change.

Answer 6

When you just don't care anymore, it is time

Answer 7

Honestly, only you will know what is enough ....In my opinion you moved out and he has not made any effort to change, then that is enough,..  As far as his family is concern let them move in with him and try to work it out....  Enough.....You tried everything and now it is time for him to try, and until then leave him alone....

Answer 8

enough would have been when he chose drugs over you.

you were not wrong to leave, you did the right thing by getting out of there, and by getting that stuff away from you. just because he is a drug addict, doesnt mean that he gets the right to subject you or his/your family to that either.

you cant help someone who cant help themselves, unfortunately is a true statement. the only way you guys are ever going to be able to help him is if he himself decides he needs it.

Answer 9

there's only one who can answer ur questions- you.listen to your heart.time is even man's best friend.you'll know if it's time to let go,or juz keep holding on..

Answer 10

there will never be an exact time. in your heart, you will just know that it's time to leave.

Answer 11

Marriage is merely a tool in life for adjusting two people. If it isn't doing that, it should be discarded, and a new tool sought.

Answer 12

'Been There, Done That'

It's Time To Leave For Good Whenever YOU Believe Your Goals,Hopes & Dreams Will Never Be Met!

Your Life & My Past Match.

My Husband Smoked Drugs & I Hated It.

He Hid It From Me For Years.

When I Found Out, I Faced A Dilemma.

(Go or Stay? )

I Gave Him Time To Get Help & He Failed.

I Left.

(missed him)

He  Got  Clean & I Accepted Him Back.

Don't Sell Your DREAMS Down The River With HIS.

Brainy

Answer 13

First off, let me say, you need to bdo what is best for YOU.

His family getting upset with you is ridiculous.

If you don't feel you can have a good life with him then you are right to be reconsidering your marriage, since he obviously does'nt watn to charnge.

Drugs addicts have to want to change FOR themselves, not anyone else.

If he uses and you take him back each time, that would make you an Enabler which is why he thinks you'll always be there.

Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulder.

Answer 14

Hi Milly. Realize that his family is part of his drug abuse cycle, and they have always been a part of it. Maybe they will always be a part of it, but that doesn't mean you have to be! It may be convenient for them to blame you, the easiest target. But you did the smart thing, by removing yourself from the dysfunctional situation! They are so disfunctional that they can't see or care about what's best for you.

Addicts need tough love. You can't do a darned thing to help him get sober, and chances are he won't want to until he's lost everything. Sadly that's what usually needs to happen before people get sober.

It's so very hard to watch a loved one struggle with addiction and do everything in their power to destroy themselves. The very best thing you can do is disengage.

I would highly suggest that you check out a CODA meeting, where you find a group of people who know what yo're going through, who can educate you on codependency and help you create healthy boundaries - and keep them.

Good luck, hon!

Answer 15

Sorry for your husbands problem. Sort of there myself. You can try and help but only he can work the cure. Leaving is a big step so consider it deeply. Lot of love and luck

Answer 16

i think you have done more than enough but also remember that during your marriage you promised to love him for better or worse..till death do you part..its always up to you..on what you really believe in..if you ask for my opinion i say this is the time that he needs you most..this will test both of your love...if you believe in the sacredness of marriage then you will continue loving him and continue staying by his side..i understand what you have been through right now..just pray and be strong..