How do you know when you're ready to have a baby?

Question

Don't tell me "you just know".

I want one so bad. I make plans in my head of where I want to take my kid and what kind of Halloween costumes to make him/her. My husband and I constantly discuss how we're going to raise them and what lessons to teach them about religion and s*x and drugs and morals and all that..

But I have a terrible fear of throwing up (I've been diagnosed with an acute anxiety disorder from it so please don't tell me to just get over this fear - I've been trying for years and I'm getting better, but very VERY slowly)

I know that if I have a kid and s/he gets sick, I won't be able to take care of her/him like a good mother should. My husband said he's fine with dealing with that kind of thing, but what if he's at work?

We can't conceive on our own so we would have to adopt, but what if the kid hates us because we aren't their real parents? What if they don't say no to drugs? What if they get in a car accident? What if they go and find their real parents and like them better because they believe in everything we taught our kid not to do like drugs and prostitution and stuff...

I mean... Surely these questions came up in your mind when you decided to have a baby... right? So.. based on what I've said here, do you think I'm ready? If not, what do I need to do to get there?

Answer 1

You'll know when you don't need to ask these questions, or ask yourself "am I ready?"

Answer 2

Well i think you are ready. you and your husband have discussed it already so it is something that you both want. And i was fearful about the vomit thing to, but not all people vomit like that when they are pregnant. while i was pregnant i threw up once and that was because i waited to late to eat and got sick on the stomach. i didn't even have morning sickness. For the other worries it is completly normal, it is something that every parent may think about. all you can do as a parent is raise them right and hope that they will follow what you taught. You will know how to handle it when they arrive at that point. Good Luck to you and your husband

Answer 3

I have the same problem as you. I have emetophobia which is a fear of throwing up. I;ve had it since i was 11 and it has caused me panic attacks for years. It can become a huge problem when we want children, for me i worry about morning sickness. But the way i think about it is, if i desperately want a child, then i'll just take it one step at a time. And you should too. Dont think about all the horrible things, think about what you;ll be getting. Not only that but there are so many herbal treatments and remedies for sickness, and so many things you could do. And as for your kids getting sick, it will be tough, but the more you deal with it, the better it will be. When you're a mum, all your fear will melt away when it comes to that child, because you will feel a love that conquers all.Not only that, but when you have a child, you'll be way too busy to even think or worry about sickness. Being a mum will be an amazing thing for you, you should go for it, and not let little worries stand in the way, because in the long run, this will be way bigger and more rewarding than you could ever imagine. Good luck!

"worrying is like a rocking chair, its fun to do for a while...but it never gets you anywhere!" :)

Answer 4

We knew when we would watch all of our friends and family's children run around playing and doing all the great things kids do, we knew in our hearts that it was time for us to bring a child into this world to share our love with.  Plus we aren't getting any younger, and we didn't want to be 60 watching our children graduate from high school.

Answer 5

well if you are scared of throwing up and all those sacrifices then you yourself can answer that question. If you think you cannot look after  the baby when is sick why would you like one? All mothers have to be sacrificial. Are you really asking if you are ready to have a baby or what would happen if the baby is actually there? No one can answer you, but you. You should be fit emotionally if you have decided. But one you should know, if you want one, you have to sacrifice. Being a mother is the most wonderful thing can happen to all women, that's the essence of it. And if you think you cannot be a good mother, why would you like to be one, or even adopt. Think about how your mother conceived you, looked after you, sacrificed for you. All mothers goes through the same process. There is nothing to be scared of to be a mother. You are only anxious of something. That is your problem, not being to become a mother. You should battle that instead...anxiety.

Answer 6

Those are normal worries of adoptive parents , they could happen

whether the child is biologically yours or not.

There are parenting and coping classes as well as support groups for prospective adoptive parents to help ease the transition.

I have sincere empathy for anxiety disorder, my husband has it as well.

I know that you can't simply let these things escape your mind and give

you peace. Great support systems like family and friends can help ease

the anxiety.

People with anxiety think of the worst possible outcome of situations

and it can sometimes blind them from the truth. Tell your husband to

'call you out' when you are obsessing over worst case scenarios and

gentle rebuttal your worries with positive aspects that can help ease.

My husband is afraid of dying , flying, illness, natural disasters , going broke, not being loved or being a good father...I just have to keep reassuring him

You are never really ready to be a parent, it is so drastic of a life

change that you cannot understand it unless you live it. It helps to

have a strong relationship with husband, financially and emotionally

stable.

Like I said, my husband like you...has anxiety disorder and he is an

amazing dad and is really close to her , now if only I can get him to

see that! Believe your husband when he compliments you or reassures

you...he isn't trying to just make you feel better with a lil bluffing...

realize that you deserve the praise , you have earned it! Trust Me!

I am 23 and my husband 25 (we have been married 5yrs)

and about a year ago we decided that we were ready to share our love and time with a child. It is a greater love than

you have ever felt in your life.

It is helped my husband with his anxiety..and to think rationally

for the first time and years as well as given him confidence

that he has never experienced about parenting.

Remember that your anxiety isn't the factor in this decision

...every one worries about being a good parent (whether

they admit it or not)

Keep your head up and learn to trust your insincts :)

Answer 7

I didn't think I was ready because I had a lot of problems.  But then I got pregnant and had my daughter.  It turns out I was ready because I did fine with her.  

You won't know if you are ready until it is there looking you in the face.