How do you know when you are done having children?

Question

I've been married for 9 years and my husband and I have two beautiful daughters together who are 7 and 8 years old.

For the most part, I feel perfectly content with the amount of children that I have. But, there are those days where I think I should go ahead and have 1 more child. Maybe it is my biological clock starting to tick (I'm 28)?

I also have a few more reasons which are pressuring me into a 3rd child. My husband is the last one remaining with his surname in his family. Without a boy child, the surname will be lost.

I also put a baby boy up for adoption when I was younger. Now I know I can't replace him but, part of me would like to try for a son.

The chances of having a boy the next time around is 50/50 as always so, it sort of seems like a stupid reason. 3 quarters of me says I really don't want to go through diapers and tantrums again. 1 quarter says time is running out.

I just don't want to regret any decision I make. So, how do you know what the right decision is?

Answer 1

i kinda am thinking the same thing as you i have 2 sons and would love a daughter but we could not financially support another child

to the woman above who mentioned age difference that doesnt matter theres 18 years between me and my youngest brother my mum had a menopuse baby lol

if you both would like another child you should have another but if its another girl you may find yourself back here in another 8 years asking the same question

Answer 2

I think that maybe you should have a decision with your husband on this matter. See how he feels and see if he wants another child or not. If you want to try for a boy than I might have another but will you be disappointed with another girl and if you would be than I wouldn't try for another. I you ended up with a girl and were disappointed she would feel that disappointment for her whole life. Maybe you should look into meeting the son that you gave up. Good luck with this hard decision but make sure that you look at it from every angle.

Answer 3

I think you should go for it.  I had a boy and a girl  and I was debating having a third and then it just happened I was pregnant and there was no turning back. At first I was happy then I was sad thinking about going back to diapers and car seats but when my third child came is was as if I was missing something I never knew I was missing. My back seat is full and it feels good to look in the rear view mirror and see a cute face instead the back of the seat. Sounds funny but it does.

And your 28 your clock will not stop ticking until you are at least 40.  I am 31 and thinking about a forth.

Having put up a baby for adoption has nothing to do with searching for a son.  Every woman wants to please their husband with a son to carry on the family name sometimes it doesn't work out that way but if you are both willing and able I would say go for it.

Answer 4

having one more would settle your feelings of "What if" all the time. and it will just be one more kid to love so you arent losing anything! you know when youre done when you DONT have those feelings

Answer 5

children are beautiful gooooo for it girl!!! one more wont kill

Answer 6

That's a really tough place to be at and my husband and I were at that same crossroads about 3 years ago. At that time, our kids were ages 2 and 4 1/2. We were thinking of having another but after talking with the OB (I have high-risk pregnancies [lost our firstborn at 21 weeks] that force me on permanent bedrest) we decided that financially (we'd have to hire a nanny to help with our kids), physically (our home is only 3 bedrooms and we have a boy and a girl and we can't afford to move), and emotionally we weren't willing or able to go down that road again. I still have waverings now, and I'm 37 years old, but deep down, I know that for our family and for my health, not being pregnant again would be a good thing since it will cause many more physcial problems for me in the long-term . I guess you have to make a "yes" and "no" list and write down the pros and cons of having another. Then make a decision that you can live with. For real.

Answer 7

Are  you trying to have another baby to make up for the one you put up for adoption?  If that is the reason, then NO...you will always have an empty spot for that child, so even if you do have a boy, it might not be filled.

That is a hard question--One I am going through myself, but my children are only 3 year and 8 months so I have a couple years to think about it.  

I really think deep down you know when you are done. BUT....when another baby comes into the family I have NEVER heard anyone say....I should have stopped with the last one.  They always say....I thought my life was complete, until I had (insert baby name).  Then I knew I was done.

28 is how old I am and I love having my children, but it is hard to have one after so long, but you have built in babysitters.  People now a days are having children into much later ages.  Even if you don't have another baby for another 6 years you won't be considered "at risk" for health issues.

Good luck!!

Answer 8

1-your body will tell you if you can handle having another baby.

2-can you really afford another one?

3-If you really cannot get the idea of having another one out of your head, go for it or you may regret passing the chance up.

Answer 9

Honestly, I think you shouldn't have any more children and this is my reasoning.  If you have another child, you are going to have almost ten years between your older children and your youngest.  Is that really fair?  Personally, I think with that with such a big age gap, you should have two more children, so they would have siblings closer in age.  But that being said you're already kind of iffy about having one more child.  Why would you want two?  Lol.