How do you know when you have fallen out of love?

Question

been married 28 years and seems like the spark is gone.

Answer 1

is it love you've lost or the lust?  If your questioning your love for him try imagining your life without him.  If you think you'd be happier without him then you are probably not in love anymore.  It's possible though to still love and respect your partner but not be IN LOVE anymore.  

best of luck to you:)

Answer 2

You know the spark is gone when you no longer take pleasure in annoying him.

Answer 3

Try to have an affair.  If you can't, you're still in love.

I've been married 12 years, and have 2 kids.  I dated a lot before marriage, and I work with a lot of women, and my wife is the ONLY woman I've ever met who I can be around continuously without getting irritated.  All other women irritate me... some immediately, some in a few hours.  Note, I certainly find some attractive and would LOOOVE to have s*x with them.  But I wouldn't be in love with them.

My wife has never been very interested in s*x.  I've been a hopeless horndog, masturbating like a chain smoker smokes.  I've tried talking with her, tried everything people suggest on these yahoo boards, etc.  and nothing ever works.  So a few years ago I tried picking up girls on business trips.  Nothing works... I keep thinking of my wife.  I've never met anyone else I liked more.  

So, give it a try, see what you can find.  If nothing comes of it, you're all set where you are.  If some new love comes up, well, that might be a sign of something.

Answer 4

first off i would like to say I know where your coming from. One thing that i have seen that nobody bothered to say was people change as they get older. You have changed and they have changed. I mean either u have that spark or you don't anymore. I have been married for 7 yrs and been with him for 8yrs. I must say we don't do nothing with each other at all. The only time we talk is about the kids and thats its. I don't so much as get him to touch me. The only kiss i get is when he walks out that door to go to work. He has changed and I have changed. Now i want something that he don't and it goes the same way with him. Were on different levels in our lives. Ours went down hill when i couldn't have any more kids. but it is what it is. I have tried to work on our relationship but when one person don't then why bother. can't work on something if the other person don't want to be bothered. the only thing i can tell u is either live with it or move on. I live with it for the time being and so does he. and after 4 yrs i have gotten used to it. I love him as the father of my kids and would never want anything to happen to him. But as for us being in love with each other it's not there and been gon for sometime now. we don't enjoy being around each other. and as i said earlier when you stop doing stuff together and not getting the attention there is no spark.  well really it's not hard to pick it up that the spark is gone. thats my help.

Answer 5

Heck, I have been with my BF for 2 years and the spark was gone in about 3 months!

Be glad it lasted so long for you!

You are lucky!!!!  

Answer 6

Love is not a spark...or a fiery romantic flame...if this is the case...no one really loves eachotehr since over time that fiery flame you felt in the beggining fades over time...and this is when true love sets in...Love is a choice....a verb...regardless of circumstances or feelings.  

Answer 7

When the person you thought you were in love with now disgusts you. I have been married 21 years and I love my wife. The spark usually represents lust and the lust has worn off. For my marriage the intense lust died down but we love each other very much. As we age, s*x becomes less important in the grand scheme of things. My wife and I enjoy each other's company; we share the things happening in our lives; and we make love on average of about 2-3 times a month. Any marriage based solely on s*x will fail.

Answer 8

You know you've fallen out of love when you want to be with someone else.... have feeling for someone else... start to cheat.  People that are in-love would not think about being with someone else...  

Answer 9

One word....vacation.  

Answer 10

In my opinion, love isn't a "spark."  It's a commitment that (hopefully) deepens over time.  I hope you can keep your marriage together.  28 years is big achievement in this crazy world.  

Answer 11

When it takes a long time to remember what you truly loved about the person you're with.

When the things you two enjoyed together now considered a chore.

When the dreams you shared together is now just a passing thought.

When you wake up next to that person everyday and feel slightly depressed.

When the anniversaries turn into a regular day.

When saying I love you is just a normal routine.

When you actually forgot what you truly loved about the person you're with.

Then it's time to stop wasting your life and seek happiness.  

Answer 12

wow 28yrs you know you've fallen out of love when you just no longer care about the other person when you don't want to be around this person  

Answer 13

I think the first step is when you start to question it. Unfortunately, I am in the same boat, yes I love my husband, but have been lonely and desperate for love and attention. I am by no means a self-involved person but we haven't connected in a romantic way for a long time. If the kids are there, we really don't talk to each other. But as I look back I can see I was never quite satisfied and always felt a yearning for something more. And as I see this unfulfilled loneliness I am starting to worry that I will look in the wrong places. "spicing" it up only lasts for so long and I get tired of being someone I'm not.

Good luck..

Answer 14

Suggestion if your a woman give him more s*x, if your a man bring on some romance.

Answer 15

Congrats on being married for that long! Just because the spark might be dwindling, doesn't necessarily mean your not in love anymore. Obviously you two have made it this long, I'm sure you could ask her and see what she thinks and go from there. Communication is what I'm going for here, lol.  

Answer 16

I've been married 24 years and to be honest the spark was gone 23 years ago.  The only reason we are stil together is because God chose this woman for me, but I feel he made a mistake.

http://www.castleofspirits.com/stories02...

Answer 17

28 years of marriage, wow...that is beautiful. i commend you for your efforts and taking on such responsibility. maybe the original spark is gone..yes, well it's time to create a new one. you have to bring back the love that still lives deep down. you see once you love someone, you will always love them, love is unconditional. take your spouse out of your normal element and dedicate a vacation, a week, or a day to him/her. renew your vows, start hanging out more. start a date night, do something  silly, something young, something that makes you feel free...but you are enjoying it together. if you are feeling this way, he/she is definitely feeling the neglect. as a unwed woman i can assure you that there is nothing greater out here. as long as the relationship is emotionally healthy.....love your spouse. God says we are only to seek divorce if our spouse cheats. you made a promise to our heavenly father, to yourself, and your spouse. people like me, envy people like you:) hang in there....it's worth it, your family is worth it.