How do you learn to feel comfortable with yourself?

Question

I'm never really comfortable. I always feel like an outsider, or that I'm doing something wrong... I can just never relax because of all this.

Yes, its true that I have low self esteem. I also tend to feel that I screwed up my life somehow, and that everything in the world would be so much better I simply just disappeared. Usually I just shrug it off and continue working from there. It drives some of my friends batty, but it kinda works. It keeps things steady and my life going on.

Part of all of this not trusting myself is that I assume that I have to keep myself restrained. Can't let myself go, or I'll start acting on all my other problems--start confusing s*x with love, start acting out, start doing all these things. Like if I let myself go, my little box of a life will just crumble and everyone will see how f**ked up I am.

This, plus my natural introversion, results in a lot of automatic repression, which means a lot of things just... bubbling over suddenly. I've gotten better at not talking about my feelings too much, though... which is probably part and parcel with the problem of not feeling comfortable, but it keeps me from causing unnecessary problems for anyone else.

Oddly enough, all of this came to a head in a club. I couldn't make myself dance. I was tipsy, even, which helps, but I felt so horrifically uncomfortable... I just couldn't relax. I physically couldn't.

My friends tried to get me up and dancing, but that only made me feel worse like I was s******g up their night slightly just by being there.

It's not that I was stressed about work or anything... I have all the free time in the world and still feel like this.

I know this is all kind of vague, but it's the best description I can offer. Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

i know what you are talking about, my friends are always trying to get me to go to parties and hang with people that i don't even know which kind of freaks me out a little bit. but finally i stepped out of my box that was sheltering me and talked to all kinds of people that i would of never dreamed of making friends with. Its fun now i can walk around dance in front of people go to football games and skip around wave to people from the car that i don't even no and make friends with people that are so caring and sweat. i have went through alot in my life that gave me this low self esteem problem that i knew i had to get out of. And so do you! have fun with your life if you don't then you will soon regret it but if you don't feel comfortable doing things that you know is wrong then don't do it. i wish you good luck :-)      

Answer 2

You need to get to know yourself better.  What do you like or dislike--not what others like and dislike.  You can write down your activities and examine them one at a time, then decide.  After you've done that, figure out why.  Is it because you feel awkward, that everyone stares, or some other reason?  Next, try to decide what your personality traits are.  Finally, realize that we all don't share the same attitudes about things, so it's okay if you don't want to do something, or you want to do something, but feel awkward, or whatever your attitude is.  If you want to change something, pick one objective at a time and work on changing it.  Have measurable goals and check your progress.  You can do it yourself, but if you're comfortable sharing what you're doing, share and get a little feedback, maybe even some encouragement.  I was very much like you when I was younger, but finally I examined my life and my goals and have been working at them ever since.  I'm a work in progress, but it has been a lot of fun, and I've been told I've improved.

Answer 3

ask your friends what they like about you.

Answer 4

Perhaps you don't feel satisfied. If you consider all the things you have mentioned here, they all fall under the same idea. You are not satisfied with who you are, what you have, how you feel, nor your options in changing any of that!!

Not feeling any sense of satisfaction seems like a bad spot to be in for sure. Often people find themselves feeling depressed or even begin to consider suicide if the feelings get bad enough. But when you think about it, if we were not constantly searching for things we thought might bring us satisfaction, we would literally cease to exist.

All the things we do each and every day, are all based on our single one motivation, to bring us satisfaction. We eat, (several times a time), we bathe, we relax, we work, we spend the money we earned from that work, we sleep, we have s*x, we find recreation, (be it reading, t.v., internet, movies, exercising), whatever it takes to bring us what we want every moment of every day....SATISFACTION!!

So how does this help in answering your question? Unless you first figure out WHY you do not feel this satisfaction that we are always always searching for, you might not be able to feel this comfort within yourself that you have asked about.

I have been right where you are. And in truth, we all feel a bit like you described but some one us perhaps, are just not as in tune with it as you are. I answered your question because I realized that until I found the reason for feeling such dissatisfaction in life, I was not going to be able to find this comfort I too was searching for.

I linked down below, a really cool video if you are interested. It will give you a very good explanation to why you might be feeling like you are and even better, perhaps give you some insight as to how you can change how you feel in the future! I hope you find the answers you are searching for. Best wishes

Answer 5

i think that you are using this forum in a way to

a....gain acceptance

b...let know people you are alive.

I'm 38, i live in newquay, cornwall, uk. originally from west london.....it took my own parents to pass away to allow me to try to shrug off he feeling that i was'nt worthy of anything.

I posted on here a question earlier and you were the first person to answer it so how can you devalue yourself by feling so low.

I have low self esteem, i care and worry about what others think of me, even theough it does'nt mean a jot what they think.

I'm taking it that your a young lad and self awareness DOES grow!!!

But YOU MUST learn to love yourself, your beliefs, the things that you hold true to you and NEVER let anyone sway you from these beliefs and ideals....because they make you different from me and from everyone else.......because you are....YOU!!!!

Embrace what you have....you have only one short life.....enjoy it!!!!

Answer 6

Well I just think that you don't know your inner self yet and do not know how you will react in different scenarios. I think you should ask your friends to describe you in six words. Three positive and three negative. And ask them why they think that. Then you should take a look at these words and find that quality within yourself [whether it's positive or negative it doesn't matter]. Once you have, you will have learnt a little bit more about yourself and when you act a certain way.

Answer 7

your a top contributor many people will love to have that.gain confidence somehow by either mastering something or achive a much desired goal..

Belzie x