How do you make someone see that you care?

Question

i think i care to much and it gets me into problems? i know that i care for people but it does not always come off that way, i say the wrong thing, or i do to much, or i don't listen when my head is spinning,

why is it when i try to do somehthing nice it turns out bad?

I thought i was a caring person, and i have always tryed to treat people the way i want to be treated. but its hard for me not to respond when someone is taking my mind starts raising and i am trying to figure out what there talking about and my mouth opens before i can think about it, sometimes why is that? then i hurt the other persons feelings and i dont mean to, i am not an ugly person, my thoughts get swirling and i open my mouth before there finished and i dont mean to why is that ? does that happen to others, because i really dont talk to people that much i stay with my kids and my boyfriend so it mostly him, that it happens to . i feel bad i try to change it but its like i have no control sometimes, and i hate myself for it. and i try so hard to control it. but it happnes again sometimes. i hate it ? do you have any ideas,

please no ugly answers i feel bad already.

Answer 1

oh it happens with me a lot, especially with my boy friend, a lot of stuff i say hurts him, although some of what i say sounds caring, but the solution is to slow down, think before you talk, you have to put this in mind all the time, it took me a while to do so, but eventually our fights decreased, and our relationship became much better.. just think before you speak that should help ;)

Answer 2

Well gosh, listen I know you feel bad but honestly that only is going to make things worse.  Whenever any person has a thing they don't like about themselves the last thing they need is to get into a cycle of hating that behavior (and hating and hating it) until your mind tries to block it out because you are so upset.  and then, since it's blocked out, of course you repeat it because you are not thinking about avoiding the behavior.  I hope that makes sense, I'm probably not describing it very well, but it happens to me.

Anyhow!  It sounds like when this happens to you that your mind is reacting to something that is kind of traumatic.  In other words I doubt you just blurt stuff out randomly!  This happens when emotions are running high and you just react.  It sounds sorta like a "fight or flight" type of thing -- in other words when this happens to you your adrenalin is running on high and you have an emotional reaction.

I know people who have things like this.  And the key for them is that there's a panic or anxiety or anger that just can't be controlled and it boils to the surface.  So my suggestion is to try to control any of those things if you have them.  Like say for you it's feelings of anxiety that well up all of a sudden.  The FIRST step is to work hard on realizing it's happening.  Maybe there's other times in your life when you have smaller feelings like that.  Well just start to notice them, be self aware. As soon as you can know that certain feelings are welling up in you then you'll be in a position to control them.

I hope this helps!