How do you manage anger and stop behaving foolishly around a difficult husband?

Question

I am usually a good natured friendly person. But my relationship with my husband has been full of unresolved conflict and toxic communication. My behavior when I am very frustrated embarrasses me, especially the sarcastic talk.

Yesterday, my daughter asked to go to the library to work on a school project with her friend. My daughter is grounded because of sneaking out. Her friend had been getting high.

I said she could work at home because we have everything she needed.

Then my husband came in and took them to the library, even though I was standing right there telling him I didn't want them to go. The girl that got caught getting high was giggling at me. She's 16. I told both girls they have broken my trust. The girls seem to find that amusing.

Why was I frustrated? This is typical behavior on my husband's part. I know he doesn't care so why am I wasting energy on getting angry?

The worst part is, even after walking my dog, working, going to an interesting movie, I was still angry when I came back home.

So instead of being smart and reading, I went to his room and told him how what he did bothered me and undermined my authority. He ignored me.

Then I got upset and embarassed myself by being sarcastic.

I also wish I could stop complaining about him to my friends and therapist.

This is not consistent with my normal behavior.

The less time I spend around him, the more composed and like my old self.

But with our daughter misbehaving, I don't feel comfortable leaving her with him. Since he won't talk to me about what our plan is, or what his plan is, for dealing with drinking and s*x at 14, I don't even have words to describe how I feel.

He says he has talked to her, but won't tell me what they talked about.

I am in counseling, I am trying to find a therapist for the family. If I get a divorce, she will choose to stay with him. Then I will be out of the picture, poor, and without health insurance to cover my cancer treatments.

Answer 1

Well, it sounds like there is a lot going on and good you are in therapy. It's sad when parents do that in front of children - not resolve conflict but let it out in the open, since it teaches very bad behavior based on unhealthy examples.

A court overseeing divorce would have jurisdiction over the children and would order co-parent counseling.

Answer 2

I have met this sort of situation before,here is the resource I found helpful.http://health-insurance.tips4free.info/h...

Answer 3

Stay in counseling.

Answer 4

Hi hunny,  i think you behave as you do because he makes a complete mockery of you by having NO RESPECT for you or your opinions.Your daughter is watching all this and she will copy him as he seems to undermine your parenting of her.If it were me i would have to leave him .The fact that when he is not around you feel more confident speaks for itself get support for yourself. I wish you well take care.

Answer 5

I think what your doing is right. You are trying to protect your daughter from making wrong choices. That's called being a parent. Your husband needs to start acting like one. You have to be able to talk to make a relationship work. I think that family counseling is the best way to go and hopefully that will help. I wish you the best of luck.