How do you move on after a long term horse relationship?

Question

I am having a serious problem. I rode the same horse for almost 10 years. Then I took 8 years off. She is now retired and too old to ride. I have bought a younger horse who also has a foal by her side and I cannot seem to get it together with them. I am not really 100% in love with either one because my heart still belongs to the older mare. I am trying really hard to seperate my feelings but I know I am not giving 100% of myself to either the mare or the filly.

Has anyone else expereinced anything like this?

Any advice? The mare and foal are both excellent horses and I really do want to work with them and train them so I am wondering if perhaps what I am missing is the fact my old mare was already trained and did whatever I asked of her and these two have not had a chance to get that far.

Maybe I need a shrink not more horses :)

Answer 1

Its just a thought. The fact that you've taken that much time off is probably a great deficit. The fact that the mare has a foal could be your salvation being that they grow so fast .It seems to me it won't be very long before you will have twice the responsibility with two horses instead of one. I don't want to scare you off, but shouldn't you already be preparing yourself for the challenge of getting that little one off to a real good start? If I was that involved I don't think I would find time or energy to feel so melancholy..Look ahead my friend there is a lot to look forward to!

Answer 2

For decades I've referred to my horse as "My shrink on 4 legs." if that helps...:)

It's tough when you've established a bond with one particular horse, to reattach yourself to a new or different one.  I've had LOTS of horses that I've had for LOTS of years and have learned that once in a lifetime, you find a horse that is "your's" (Maybe you're their's?).  

If that mare was your "special" horse, you'll never replace her, but you'll learn to bond with your new pair.  It just takes time...

Answer 3

I let go of the one horse that taught me everything i know today, It's hard to let go but if you keep paying attention to another horse it'll get better soon enough. I mean i still miss my Snowy but it's not nearly as bad as the first two wks without him. I still count the days gone by exactly 102daysbut trust me things heal.

Try finding a special characeteristic about your new horse and foal rather than thinking wht they dont have compared to your mare.

Yes and these horses deserve the best and you could offer them the best life a horse deserves. They may not look like much now but the faster you train them you will realise they have something different to your mare. All horses have differences just like humans :)

Goodluck

Answer 4

you will never be able to fully let go of your mare!

I just put down my show mare July 8th, and its the worse feeling going to the barn knowing that I will never hear her knicker at me again, and I cry when I see her empty stall! but I will say that you will form a bond much quicker than you think with your new horses, about 2yrs. ago, I gave my 26yr.old mare away because she needed more medical help then I could give her(I had her 6yrs.), I bought my show mare 6 months before this happened, and its sad to say that I had no special feelings for her at the time, it took me about 6 more months before I built this strong bond with her, I loved her with all my Heart! I just got 2 new horses for free about 3 months ago, but did not have time to spend with them b/c my show mare was sick...now that she is gone, I have more time w/ them, I find myself laughing at them, they are both funny horses...I can't wait til I can start training them, and build that same strong bond w/ my other 2 mares...it just takes time (lots of TIME w/ them) Good Luck!

Answer 5

Think of when your done training and being around these horses how youll have a bond maybe even stronger because you trained them and raised them by yourself. think of how great that will feel :)

Answer 6

i know how you feel i have had and been around horses since i was 5 and i am 27 now i know how you feel i have a horse now she is an amazing little horse she climbs rocks mountains anything without hesitation she doesnt like water but she gos through it anyway i love her but i just dont feel atached to her i dont know why it is weird i know how you feel i think you just need to spend time with them and love them for who they are and not expect them to be just like your mare

i think you will end up having a great relationship with them it sounds like fun girl

Answer 7

This is more common than you think. We all have that special horse that was in our lives that we completely bonded with. For me, the other horses that have gone through my life never will compare with my mare that I bonded with. I love my other horses but it's just a different relationship. It does get better with time, so I'd keep at it and see how it goes. You can't compare horses so just keep thinking on the positive bits and remember your old horse fondly. However, if you feel you can't create a relationship with the mare and foal over a year or so, you may need to move on to a different horse. Sometimes personalitys just don't work out, no matter how wonderful the horse. Just keep going for now and have fun, and if you just don't click, move on. Good luck!

Answer 8

Well, I had a pony called Taffy and I never clicked with him, so if you can't click with the mare, wean the foal when you can, and sell the mare. Send the foal to a riding school to get trained, see if you can get a job at a riding school near you, mucking out stables and the like. While the foal is at the riding school, when she/he is able to be ridden, make trips to go ride him/her. If you want to keep the mare send her to get trained at the same place.

Good luck and I hope that helps you alot!

~Pip~

Good Luck and go for gold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

i know what you mean.

I will work with my friends horses, etc. Moms horses.. but im attatched to Skip and Duke. I feel bad when i dont ride them and i love doing everything with them.

it will get better over time.

Answer 10

I think that the more time you spend with the two of them the better your feeling of connection will be with them. The first horse that I ever leased (also the first time i got to ride one horse exclusively) I fell in love with and we were inseparable. I would get there at 8 am and not leave till 11 pm. I only got to lease him for 4 months (because I had to move), but I was there with him all day everyday. When I came to GA my parents told me that I could get a horse of my own. I was missing Harley really bad, but I went looking and I found my new baby. I have to admit that I was missing Harley and I even found myself comparing the two of them. But after getting to spend a lot of time with him I fell in love with just like I had with Harley. Its all about time.

Answer 11

What you are feeiing I think is normal and healthy.  Bedause of the wonderful horse you had for so long, you miss the relationship and her consistency, and bility, and the general bond you had built.  While feeling such a loss makes you feel sad and maybe emplty, You know have wonderful opportunity to work this these two horses and help them become as good as they can be.  It will be challenging and take a lot of time and patience, but enjoy it.  Emerge  yourself in playing with these horses, bonding with them.  It sounds as if you have an opportunity to bring them to any level and help them be the best they can be.  Congratulations on your challenge.

Answer 12

First of all don't feel guilty in how you feel.  It is natural that you feel this way, many people with horses and even other animals can relate to this for sure.  I only have one horse and I don't know how I could possibly find another horse and have the bond, trust and relationship that I have with him.  It is so natural and we completely understand each other.  I would maybe back off a bit on the new mare and foal and let them grow on you, and you on them.  Give it some time to see if anything develops, feelings do change.  Sometimes you have that bond right away, and other times it takes time to develop.  Are you spending more time with the mare and foal than with your older mare?  If so, maybe you are feeling guilty for that?  I don't know, just a thought.  Hope you get things sorted out, but just take your time.