How do you move on after the loss of a close friendship?

Question

I'm 19 & have been babysitting for this family for a year. I babysat the little girl every weekend for at least 6 hours & we were very close. I was also very close with the mom, who confided a lot in me & vice versa. We used to go to lunch, go to the park with her little girl, & just hang out & talk. When I babysat I often hung out with the parents afterwards, or if I babysat overnight they had me spend a lazy morning with them.

Over the past year I have grown to really love this family, but 2 months ago they suddenly stopped getting me to babysit. A month ago I asked what happened & the mom said they needed separation between their personal life & their daughter's daycare life (I work at her daycare, but not with her group). I asked if I did something wrong & she reassured me I didn't, but didn't elaborate on their decision.

I miss them & can't move on because I don't know what happened. I've hinted that I would like to know more, but haven't directly asked.

How do I move on?

Answer 1

I know it's confusing, but since the woman set a boundary, don't cross it. I take her word for it that you did nothing wrong. My wild guess is that the husband, for some reason, started resenting something and it was more about their marriage. I would think this way: "I did nothing wrong. I respect their decision even though I don't agree with it. And I respect my own decision to move on." This will help you separate yourself from them as well.

Answer 2

Grieve the loss, move on when you can.  Take as long as you need, but no more.  Grief is not a home, but a place to visit.

Answer 3

Parents make the decisions for their kids- we can only hope they are they right ones. Either way, we have to respect their decisions. We might not always agree, but again, we have to respect their decision. There is no right or in this matter, just so you realize that someday you will be able to have your own children to give love to.

Goodluck

Answer 4

You either find out more and don't stop...

You either go crazy and worry about it the rest of your life...

Or just forget about it!!

Answer 5

Sometimes, people do strange things like this for no reason.  From what you've wrote, I don't feel it has anything to do with you. I was in a similar situation with a woman and her son. My family and I were their neighbors and for a time, we were really friendly with one another and one day, she moved without saying a word. My advice would be to see this for what it is, which sounds to me like the family is kind of flaky.  You must realize that you are a good person and that you have done nothing wrong. It would be best to let this matter go.

Answer 6

This happens a lot.  

When the child gets too attached to the primary care provider, the mother freaks out.  If the child gets hurt or wakes up in the middle of the night crying for the primary care provider instead of the mother, then the mother/parents will feel threatened.  Unfortunately they often deal with the threat by putting distance between the primary care provider and the child instead of decreasing the distance between the parent and the child.

The only thing you can do is mourn the loss, just like you would if someone died.  We need to mourn, it's part of healing.  After a bit, you'll get over it and move on.

It's good that you are a loving and caring person.  The world needs more people like you.  You're a good egg.