How do you nicely tell your father you dont want to have a relationship with him.

Question

My parents divorced when i was younger. i have 1 brother and 1 sister and we had to go to my dads every other weekend but when we were there he was always drunk and if it were not for my aunt living close to him we would not have been cared for. my mom tried to make the court allow us not to go but they did any ways. well not to long after we finally did not have to go any more because my father would not come pick us up. we were thankful. He never paid my mom child support but with Gods help and grace we made it thru. he is now with another women and raising her child. personally i feel bad for the girl. now that my brother, sister and i have grown up he wants to come back in our life and blame every thing on my mom but we were old enough to know his drinking was the issue not my mom. when he calls me he say down grading things about life and he never makes any sence. i have some times just let the phone ring but he just calls and calls and calls and leaves messages like i know you are home. i hate talking to him. about a year ago he found me online and called me and our 1st conversation did not start off well. i now am married and have a little boy of my own in which i desire the best for in life. well my dad starts telling me that it is hard raising a child and finaces are difficult and c**p. he dont know me and he dont know my life style. my husband and i work hard and we love our son and it is not hard raising him. but back to my father. i need a way to explain to him that for 15 years he has not been in my life and that he can not just show back up and think all is well. there really never was a relationship because even when he and my mom were married he was never home. i dont want to hurt his felling and i want to be christain about the issue but i dont want him in my life. if any one has ever been in this situation please help. i dont mean to sound childish but i need some advice. please dont send me any stupid little answers. only serious answers

Answer 1

straight up tell him you cannot forgive him at this time and when you decide too you will

Answer 2

oh my sounds like my situation..my mom and dad are going through a bad divorce right now Monday they go to court for legal separation of if we have to go see my father every other weekend.. my dad has been cheating on my mom for 25 years and he is now living with his gf.Although they are not yet fully divorced..I'm only 14 and 5 years of him being in and out of the house is h**l.. He has mentally,physically,and sexually abused my mom and she just had enough of it so she went in through the divorce. I can sit here and tell u for a year the story but to shorten it up my father has been horrible to me,my family,and especially my mom these years..But to answer ur question u don't have to give in to everything he says to u like u can still be polite to him by like if he sits near u just get distracted by something and just go look at it or something there is always an escape without looking foolish or being disrespectful.. Remember the Bible says to honor ur father and mother. Respect him and honor him but just tell him the things u have done have made me feel like i can't get close to u without hurting or pain but i hope one day to have my emotions and feelings healed. so that way u have told him the truth and it runs through his mind and even plus then he will get it that u don't trust him..good luck sweetie i know it's hard we have to learn to press in my story is bad also but i can relate to u..best wishes and i hope one day u will get a dad whom will love u and take good care of u..  

Answer 3

WOW this sounds like u should go on jerry springer

Answer 4

I think you already have the answere to your question. you say your father was not there for you for 15 years,he did not support you or your Mom. just because he fathered you does not make him a DAD. He did not take your feelings into consideration nor those of your Mom's,so I don't think this should be an issue.Just tell him upfront that when you needed him he was not there, you have created a life with your husband and son and there is no room in it for him and he should move on with his life

Answer 5

There IS no nice way to tell someone you don't want them in your life anymore.

If you're looking for the way that will cause at little pain as possible, that way is simply the direct and honest response. Make it matter of fact just like you made it here.

"You were not in my life for 15 years when I was growing up and because of that we do not have a relationship. I think it would be best for you to stop contacting me and my family and concentrate on yours. I wish you the best with your new family."

There's no nice way to do some things. The best way in these circumstances is an honest, upfront, matter of fact, direct approach.

John Lucas

Answer 6

I think you answered your own question .The facts are he wasn't there for you and your mother when you were growing up & now wants to enter your life after your mum struggled hard financially,parently,spiritaully to raise you. the fact is he wasnt there during the hard times & now wants to enter this stage of your life after you have made to being an adult with a child & a husband. How dare he try & treat you like this,after all this time,basically i say you owe him nothing as the only link you have to him is through blood ties.

Just be frank with him, if you think hes bugging you,let him know that you respect him but it was time he kept to himself as you are busy with your own life ,remember that song "Cats in the Craddle" thats a good metaphor to your life situation.

good luck !

Answer 7

You cant have it both ways, Jesus taught that you must forgive anyone who seeks forgiveness, and even those who do not. The bible also says that you must honor your mother and FATHER.

If you want to be a Christian, you're going to have to put your heart on the line and let him back into your life. But only if he has stopped drinking.