How do you not "lose it" when homeschooling?

Question

I LOVE my kids but just going about our business each day is mind draining. To TEACH them in a structured manner seems to be overstepping the boundaries of sanity :) I have, however, always had a tugging in the back of my heart to homeschool my children. One is already in public school and I can see what it's doing to him and I don't like it. So how do you do it without losing your marbles? By the way, my kids are unusually active.

Answer 1

You constantly work on your parenting skills. A lot of the homeschooling parents I know are constantly reading (and re-reading) books on parenting, finding inspirational things, etc. Essentially, they make sure to take care of themselves as much as they are trying to take care of the kids. Those who neglect their growth as parents (or don't see that they need to grow as parents--which we all need to do) and neglect just taking care of themselves are the ones who do seem to lose it. And even give up homeschooling.

Answer 2

Many good answers here...

I need to take time for myself everyday.  I used to think that it was selfish but it's not!  I try to get up before the kids and stretch, meditate, drink my coffee and start the day.  I subscribe to the Flylady.net reminders and they help.  

Then throughout the day get them set up working on something without you.  I use this time to fill my mind... reading, hobbies, talking with friends.  It's very important to keep yourself stimulated.

Hang in there - find other homeschoolers to get together with.  It will save you and your kids!

Answer 3

JD,

I agree with HSMom and Army Wife and the other hs'ers.  I also 'structured' too much the first year.  I was thinking I need to make this SCHOOL but at home when I had a veteran homeschooler (she has 2 in Yale now and one at MIT) kind of whack me up side the head and told me to lighten up.  That is the beauty of homeschooling.  You can teach in the way that best suits your children.  I usually do Math at the beginning of the day because after breakfast they are at their peak and that has been our 'habit' but after that we kind of do what we need to get done that day and work it in.  I also work in duties around the house into the schedule.  My boys now do their own laundry, take turns weekly to clean their bathroom (I have 3 boys so you can imagine), we do outside yard work for 'recess' and other things around the house.  This builds character which used to be a lesson in itself when I was a kid and it was called 'civics' which I think most people under the age of 40 have not a clue as to what that is anymore.  

The older boy helps with preparing dinner which has really strengthened his math.  

They have more confidence since we homeschool and are pleased with themselves and are actually eager (to an extent) to do school work and they retain it so much better.  We saw "Tut" at Philadelphia and they were explaining to the other people in line of the lineage of Tutenkhamun, etc... yep! They were blowing public school children away that were there for a field trip!  :::proud moment here:::

Some days are really bad for me and I will say... alright we are bagging part of the lessons today and will do Saturday school.  They will do a couple hours in the morning on Saturday when we have a 'bad' day in the week and they don't mind.  They will give up a weekday for 2 hrs on Saturday without compuction.  

I also have learned a lot from my kids and I was never a math wiz but now I can add and subtract fractions better than I did when I was in school!  :-)

Take it day by day and don't get too tied to a rigorous schedule.  You will crash and burn easily if you do.

Good luck!  Also, there are probably homeschooling groups in your area.  Check Yahoo groups and also

homeschool.com has a database of some homeschool groups in each state.  If you find a  group that isn't nearby go ahead and contact them.  Most likely they will have a contact person in your area.  I am in Maryland and I have contacts with about half a dozen other homeschool groups throughout the state.  You will be surprised of how many homeschooling families you will meet.

Also, a lot of gymnastic gyms have homeschool classes in the day.  I would call them and then you can meet some other moms on those days, even if you don't have your kids enrolled at the moment, you could arrive that day to meet up with some moms.  We hs-moms LOVE meeting other moms!

Also, I have found that I have become a more patient mom now ... it has been a process but my boys tell me how they love being with me day-to-day and that makes it all worth it!

Answer 4

All of you need to improve your diet.

Plenty of fruits and veggies and food grade supplements.

Yeah...sounds too simple, but that's the answer.

Answer 5

homeschooling = sheltering. Let your kids develop the social skills you couldn't. Not to be rude.

Answer 6

Why not explore more UNstructured ways of teaching them? From electics to unschoolers there are a large range of homeschoolers who don't do formal homeschooling.

Answer 7

well i applaud you for that! i'm 23 and my mom homeschooled me 7th, 11th and 12th grade. i've never attended a public school in my life; only christian (sda) schools, minus one. when i homeschooled, my mom did not actually teach me in a structured environment. i did pretty much everything on my own. however, she was there and only allowed me a little more leeway in 11th and 12th. but i did get good grades. the only drawback i see of having homeschooled was not having that educational structured environment; not only the academic learning, but the social aspects. if i had attended school, i'd probably not be so "shy" to this day and i'd have more social skills and know better how to handle certain things. but since being at a private university, i've definitely learned a lot. i never fault my parents for homeschooling, because i think their decision was greatly defended

Answer 8

well i have a program my son follows it is great try it there is no stressing over this homeschool www.k12.com good luck and unusally active maybe mom needs to get a little strickter

Answer 9

well i was homeschooled and let me tell you, when you are homeschooled and you are just home all day with no friends you start to get board because there is no social life. so when you finally take them out of homeschooling then thats were they go wrong but it all will need some adjustments and your kids will get used to it. PS i am in private school and i am doing very well because i too was homeschooled and i had to adjust to the fact that im not used to school anymore but i finally got used to it and now i am doing great

Answer 10

u pretty much have to lose it.... my mom does and she also babysits which is not a good combo.... ha me n my bro are lazy but we have to go outside all the time and we try to listen to our mom but it really does get to be alot of work...

Answer 11

Well, I have one ADHD daughter, a gifted middle daughter and a son with Aspergers.  I know active.  *grin*

When we started homeschooling I figured it was either my son's sanity or mine.  Turns out I saved both.  

when you are dealing with school you are running on their schedule.  Then you get your kids after school when they are tired, do not want to sit and do homework anymore and they just want to run and eat!    I remember the 4-6pm hours were the worst in our house.   I had gotten to the point that I thought I almost hated my own kids.  :(

However, when you homeschool, you teach them and help them learn when they are happy and fresh in the mornings.  when they are young, you can be finished everything formal in an hour or two and then you can just have fun!    Getting together with friends, fieldtrips, walks, games, etc.  

If you can foster a love of learning in your kids when they are young then you have a lot fewer problems as they get older.   My son is now 14 and I have fewer complaints about his school work now then I did when he was 9!  

There are lots of ways to stay active while learning.   Active kids have a tough time at school when they have to sit for hours on end.   Tough to learn when all they want to do is move.

Answer 12

Do what works for you.  This means follow a loose schedule that fits into what you need to get done.  With my boys we have a check-off list of what we want to get done that day.  This helps with transition for them and me.  

I make a word doc list of what I would like to get done.  We don't always  finish the list or go exactly by the list.  The list is our guide.

Answer 13

I think some serious reading is in order here -- just kidding -- every mother feels this way along the way because we have been deceived into thinking we have to do it all, and our children have to be the poster children of home schooling so we will not be criticized for home schooling them...

Reality check....

Home schooling is the best choice a parent can make, and it is so much more; it's about family, not about bringing the school home.

I would suggest two little books, easy reads, but O so good.

The Relaxed Home School by Mary Hood, PhD

ISBN 0-9639740-0-9

And my personal favorite;

Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe

Learning to live the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth by Todd Wilson.

ISBN 10: 1-933858-14-1

That little book will show you how not to loose "your Marbles"

Blessings, and hang in there, it's worth the roller coaster ride.

Answer 14

Be a little less structured but make sure they get their work done or punish them. What my mom does is she takes a notebook and writes down all my work for that day, and then i go and do it. If it's not done then i have more work for the next day, so i ultimately just get it done!! If u see that they are just not doing their work, start taking priveledges away. I know it will work!! Or you can give them something to work for. Such as you give them a work goal that has to be met a certain day, then give them something in return. With doing this, ur teaching them to work for things. Which can help in the real world too, cuz in the real world you can't have anything untill you've worked for it!!

Answer 15

I wondered the same thing when I first began homeschooling my son; he's a great kid, but wow, does he go!

There are some days I get tired; part of the answer to this is to teach your children to work independently.  Honestly, a classroom teacher wouldn't stand over your child every minute to make sure they do their work; neither should you.  My 5th grader does over half of his subjects completely independently - he researches, he reads and/or watches his lessons, and he completes his work.  He often adds to the assignment because he doesn't feel that it's complete enough, and I preview websites and add them to his "favorites" folder so he can research all he wants.

A really great "plus" about homeschooling is the amount that *you* learn from it.  I'm a teacher's kid, took AP classes in high school, and read voraciously...and I've got to say, I've learned more while either researching to teach him or doing his lessons with him over the past 3-4 years than in the previous 30.  It is just so incredible to learn *with* your child, to see that light bulb go on, and to see what really goes through their minds.  I've had some of the most insightful discussions during our days - not with a learned expert, but with my child.

Also...I learned to loosen up on the structure part.  That much structure is necessary in a classroom, simply because of the logistics.  However, it's not necessary in most homeschool situations.  (Sometimes a child just truly craves that structure, but other than that, it's really not as necessary.)

How we run our homeschool...

My son has a daily assignment list that specifies what he needs to finish for each subject.  If he wants to do more in that subject, he's free to.  Most of the work he is able to do on his own; others, I either need or choose to do with him.  (Some are just not his strongest subjects, so he needs the personalized instructions, and others are just too interesting or fun for me not to join in on.)  He gets up, gets his breakfast and does his morning stuff (shower, get dressed, hygiene, and chores), and then he gets to work.  He's done with his independent work (math, reading, spelling, handwriting, Greek, Spanish, geography) within about 2-3 hours.  He gets a few breaks in there for snack and play.  I am available for questions during this time, but am usually doing chores or catching up on other work.

We then have lunch and discuss anything that he found interesting or whatever comes up.  After lunch, we do some quick chores and then get into our "together" work - Bible, writing, history, and science.  This takes another 2-3 hours, which tends to be really fun.  After that, we have free time.  He might watch a movie, play with friends in the neighborhood after they get home from school, or work on a project of some sort.  I may get dinner started, catch up on any of my own work, or even take a nap.

When we first started, I tried to be very structured and scheduled, and it nearly drove me into the ground.  As I backed off and let up on him, I saw his motivation for working and learning increase exponentially - once I allowed him to think and work at his own pace, at his own level, he just plain took off.

It seems hard, and it does take commitment, but it's not as hard emotionally as it seems.  You get into a groove with your kids and you learn to let yourself and your husband be the experts on what they need.  Their development becomes your priority, rather than the standardized scope and sequence, and you get to see your kids really grow in ways you never would have thought of before.

Hope that helps - and good luck!

Answer 16

If we define insanity as behavior that differs significantly from what everyone else is doing, you and I are already insane. Go with it!

Most of the "structure" that exists in a traditional school setting is artificial; it exists because it fits the school setting and is necessary to manage the activities of 16-30 children, or because there aren't resources to teach "real world." This structure has the unfortunate side effect of dampening the enthusiasm of "active" children; in some cases it actually puts them off of learning!

My wife and I try to incorporate educating our children into the business of each day. It amazes me how less "mind draining" the day becomes when I am engaging one of my children in something educational while shopping for groceries or waiting in line for a teller at the bank. We also look for educational opportunities that are everywhere if you are actively looking for them. The key seems to be a matter of priorities: is the "business of the day" more important, or is educating your child?

Finally, most of the "work" done in the structured environment of a public school classroom is "busy work." It has some value in reinforcing lessons, but it is not really necessary. With this knowledge you now have two options: first, you can use this busy work technique to keep your child occupied while you do other things. (Each of our children has a "clip case" that they carry around with things to do when they're sitting in the car or othewise not engaged.) Second, you can realize that you don't really need to spend 6-7 hours per day dedicated to "instruction."

To summarize:

1. Practical experience is a more valuable learning tool than studying from books.

2. Most children love to learn, and will seek out learning if left to their own devices.

3. Busy work can be eliminated or used to your advantage.

This doesn't work for everything, but it works more often than one would expect.

Answer 17

Prayer.

And teaching according to the child's learning style.  In homeschool, you don't HAVE to teach everything sitting at a table filling in blanks.  There are lots of fun and active ways to learn.

Answer 18

Why do you have to homeschool in a structured manner???

I have 2 very different children and if I tried to teach them both the same why I'd end up in an insane asylum!  I have given you a link to the different styles of homeschooling. The problem with public schools is the mindset that you have to sit at a desk while the teacher teaches the student. School doesn't have to be that way! You need to find out how your child learns best. Make a list of what is very important to you in their learning and then a list of things you'd like to have done. Once the list is done then look at it and see where you can give a little and where you refuse to budge at all then discuss this with your children. Don't be afraid to use the trial and error method because you need to figure out what works best in your household.

My own children do horribly in a very structured environment. I give them what I want done and when they are done with it then they are free to do what they want. I don't buy premade curriculum because my children have different learning styles. My son is good with computer learning and computer games while my daughter has to be shown why 3x3=9. We do field trips and art learning and projects because they are more fun than sit there and read this then we test on Friday. They do schoolwork in their rooms, outside, and in the living room....wherever they feel most comfortable. My son always has his MP3 player on too because it blocks out distractions.

I hope this helps you some.....Good luck to you!

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Answer 19

hsmom... gave a great answer and not much I can add...

I too over did the structure the first year.  Both my son and I ended up burned out by the end of the year.

Now we take more of an independent learner / unstructured approach.

It also helps that my son is now of an age that he is in 3 teaching cooperative classes and takes 3 classes from home.  One of the three homeschool "classes" is more of an apprenticeship.  One is Rosetta Stone Spanish using the computer.  The final is American History which he loves.

We backpack and will ski as exercise but are not counting that as pe credit.

So... my job has changed over time from strict teacher to more of a coach and guidance counselor.  It is working better this way for us.

Answer 20

that is why I decided to go with an online charter school, it makes it so much easier, but I have done it both ways

http://www.homeschoolinganswers.info

Answer 21

Ah, Grasshopper. You must transcend this reality. Be the perfect mother, be selfless and all knowing....

Just kidding!

  I do lose it. I love my daughter and enjoy her company. Yet, there have been days when I yell, or get frustrated and walk away. There were days when we first began that left me in tears. It got better once I realized my daughter was not truly on the grade level at which the school had placed her. Know that kids can be instructed, coaxed and interested in learning, but they CANNOT be pushed. Push too long and they will rebel. (Newton’s law applied to kids?) Things have gotten much better, but there are still days when everything goes wrong. Know when to give yourself a time out. Know when to surrender and regroup.  If all else fails, get out of the house and go to the park, or go shopping, just walk away. Fiddle-dee-dee, tomorrow is another day! A surly kid may just need a snack, rest or fresh air. My kid is also active. In public school she had to be medicated. At home, she does not. We did number lines by drawing them in sidewalk chalk in a church parking lot and running, hopping and skipping down the lines. She needs to move, so we move as we learn. Audio books help.    

    Remember that you are Mom first and teacher second. You kid can always find a new teacher, but you are irreplaceable as mother. Another key is routine. Even a distractible child can learn to get dressed, make a bed and feed the cat without being told, if you do the same thing at the same time everyday. Routine sets the kid up to succeed. (Works on dogs and husbands too. ;) ) Praise often. Hand out stickers for everything! I swear, those gold stars are worth their weight in...well, gold. I know a public school teacher who still hands them out to his high school students and they love it!

You can do this. Dad can help. (Even if you aren't married, if Dad is around at all, he can help.) You all have each other and that means plenty of shoulders to cry on and hands to hold. If I can do it, you can do it. It gets easier, more fun, and you'll wonder why you didn't jump in and do this sooner.