How do you personally feel about adoption??

Question

How do you personally feel about adoption??

Answer 1

It's a good thing and more people would do it if the cost of adoption wasn't so outrageous.   $30K+ to adopt a child is sad -- some of that money could be spent on the childs future education or living expenses.   And the $10K tax credit is to low.

Answer 2

As others here have said, there are pros and cons to adoption, just as there are pros and cons to every situation in life.

For me, adoption was the best possible thing that could ever have happened in my life. Had I remained with my family of origin, I might not be alive today --- and at the very least, my life would have been sadly less.

For others, adoption has been a nightmare. It's caused untold sorrow and strife in the lives of both the adoptees as well as families of origin.

The key is understanding that there is no "one size fits all", "blanket" way to view adoption. There are as many answers to your question as there are people touched by adoption.

Answer 3

Adoption is good as long as you can afford to invest a lot of money,attention and feelings. That you will be ready to provide a lot for whom you will be adopting.

It's a humanitarian act.

Answer 4

I think it's awesome! As someone who has adopted, it was the only way for my husband and I to have a child. He's the joy of our lives! We don't hide his adoption, he knows.

Answer 5

I've lived as an adoptee for 38 years - it's nothing like the rosey adoption brochures - my mother and I would really just like a refund now.

I think - if it doesn't NEED to happen - women that wish to carry a child full term need to be fully aware of the hurt and pain involved with giving up a child - both on the mother - AND on the child.

Full disclosure DOES NOT happen.

So many just want these facts to stay hidden.

My own feelings come from my own experiences.

And from these adoptee -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

And from these first mums -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

There are too many misconceptions, lies and secrets in adoption as it stands today.

And I'm not happy about it.

Just wanted to add:

Mommy2squee - below me - THANK YOU for taking the time to post that.

I really appreciate your honesty and your wisdom.

Your adoptee will be far better off for it.

I so wish more adoptive parents would understand more like this.

Great post.

xx

Answer 6

I think it is wonderful-when the right family adopts a child for the right reasons.

Answer 7

I think it's great and I wish I could afford it; so many older kids are growing up without knowing the love and warmth of a real home it breaks my heart. if I ever can afford to, I will adopt as many as I can. I am puzzled as to why so many here have such rabid hostility toward it when it is the only opportunity for many kids to grow up in a loving home. Just because some may have had bad experiences, that is no reason to condemn the entire event or want to deprive lonely kids of a real home. That is short sighted and very, very selfish.

Answer 8

Personally feel about adoption...well I am a huge advocate.  I think adoption is a great option for mothers who KNOW that they are not able to parent (or do not want to parent).  I think it is a better alternative than abortion, although I am pro-choice as well.  I have seen a lot of angry and bitter people here and it makes me sad that they did not get what they needed as children (and in some cases, as adults) to have a happy and fulfilling life.  I mean that with no malice.  I have seen many unhappy children in my life through my profession.  Everyone has their OWN story and makes their own decisions based on their own "story".  I wish that others would not be judged so harshly because not everyone can alwasy understand what really motivates one to make a decision.  Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has the right to make the decision of adoption without being judged by others.  SO when adoption is done legally and ethically (and I know against popular belief, it really can be done ethically) it can be an awesome option.

Answer 9

I am anti-adoption. I promote abortion whenever I can. The world would be better off with more abortions and zero adoptions.

Answer 10

To be honest, ever since I was young I have wanted to adopt a little girl of my own; thus, I think that adoption is a great idea if you want to adopt and have the means to do so (time, money, etc.)

If you are giving a child up for adoption, have no doubt that your child will go to a loving family.

Answer 11

Adoption is a wonderful process that brings much joy to everyone involved. Its a lengthy process and in some ways could be shortened, but it is all around wonderful.

Answer 12

I have very mixed feelings.

I think there will always be a need for some children to be raised by people who aren't their biological parents.

However, I think adoption as it is currently practiced has some tremendous problems and needs to be drastically reformed.

I think MORE people should adopt from foster care, because there are too many children aging out of the system.

I think FEWER people should adopt infants, as many of the newborns who are placed for adoption don't actually need to be adopted.

I think expectant moms in crisis pregnancies need to be informed of the negatives of adoption.... right now, they're only getting the positives.

I think money should be removed from adoption. No more adoptive parents paying bio mom living and medical expenses. No more agencies and lawyers charging thousands of dollars. It should all go through the state, to remove the monetary and relgious-idealogical incentives agencies and lawyers often have the bias them towards getting a woman to relinquish rather than parent.

I think pre-birth matching needs to be done away with, to protect both the bio parents' rights AND the potential adoptive parents' hearts.

I think birth and adoption records should be open in every state, for all adoptees, regardless of what year they were born in.

I think minimum wait periods for signing TPR, in "voluntary" relinquishment adoption, need to be longer.... as do revocation periods.

I think bio parents should get FEWER chances (generally speaking) to get their children back in foster care adoption.

I think homestudies should be more stringent. Very, very, very few people will actually fail a homestudy. Agencies are reluctant to fail people, and consequently, people who really shouldn't adopt get approved.

I think there need to be informed consent laws.

I think people need to stop conflating abortion with adoption... they are two separate issues and not really related in the way people think they are. The flip side of adoption is not abortion... the flip side is PARENTING.

I think more attention needs to be paid to the (kept) children of moms who relinquish. Talk about invisible in this process? My (parented) daughter didn't choose to give up her sister, and she is an innocent child too, yet no one EVER talks about HER best interests or her rights.

I think putative father registries as they currently exist need to either be completely overhauled/reformed or thrown out. I think biological fathers need to have their rights better protected.

_____________

Overall? I think there are huge, serious, ethical issues in adoption in the U.S. today, and I think it needs some serious reform.

How do I FEEL about it? I feel that it's a very sad thing, because it means either: a. a mom who didn't need to for some reason chose or was coerced into signing away her child; or b. a mom was truly unfit and abused and/or neglected her child. Those are both very sad things.

I think it is a NECESSARY thing for adoption to happen in the cases where children are actually abused and hurt by their biological parents... but I still FEEL the sadness in that.

Answer 13

My son was adopted as an older child who had been through quite a lot in his bio. home & foster homes.  It's hard dealing with all of the issues these types of kids bring with them.  You just have to remember that no situation is perfect, remember why you adopted in the first place & do the best you can.  He will probably wish he was with his bio. parents, but that's impossible, so you have to move on.

Answer 14

I am adopted, however I have four different members of my adoptive family who decided to parent when faced with a crisis pregnancy including my grandmother who conceived my adoptive mother out of wedlock and had her at eighteen, the same age my natural mother was when she had me.

So I've seen first hand people make the decision to parent and be very successful at it.

I really feel that women should be encouraged to parent and if they need to place their child, to first try to do so within the family.  Children should know their biological family and be included if that is at all possible.

Of course there are situations in which that is impossible and that is when stranger adoption and/or foster care may come into play but only as a last resort.

Adoption is supposed to be about a child needing a home, not about "prospective parents" needing a child.

Answer 15

I encourage it.

I was only 10 days old, when I was adopted.

Answer 16

its good but there should be no turning back after 30 days by the mother!! NJ is a good state for this...i know someone who went thru h*ll when 2 kids were taken from them in other states when the stupid biological mom changed her mind!! then they went to NJ..

Answer 17

i dont really have an opinion on this topic i guess i has positives and negatives like anything

Answer 18

i feel like adopting is a great idea if you cannot have kids of your own. i might not be able to so i plan on adopting in around 5 years. you are helping a child have a life and a future with adopting! nothing wrong with that at all!

Answer 19

i feel that adoption is an option in some cases but i could never put my baby up for adoption i have to much family and they would help me! But i think some people either have to many kids and they can't take care of another child and thats a reason to put a child up and some teens are just to young they don't have their family behind during their pregnancy

Answer 20

I think there is a place for adoption as a last resort and when it is absolutely necessary.

I think there are extremely unethical practices in today's adoptions and people turn a blind eye to them.  That's what makes me so sad about adoption - the way human beings are treated like commodities.

And sealing someone's own birth certificates away from them based on laws from almost a century ago - well, that's just a cruel and barbaric practice that many don't even know is still in existence

They were sealed to protect us from the Stigma of 'illegitimacy' and that's not really relevant today.  Now it's been twisted around to say that our birthparents need annonymity and protection from us (last time I checked I was adopted as a  baby not a stalking monster!)

Answer 21

i think its a beautiful thing

Answer 22

Adoption is fine as long as the baby goes to a good adoptive home and proper procdures are taken Also  adoptive children should be told in a loveing careing way at a early age  Adoptive children are Gods special answers to peoples prayers He blesses and guides them with  human angels who care and love them The history of the parent  giving up the child is very important  You have to know the health and mental  history  So you know what runs in there family history in the future you will need that information I grew up in a foster home Now that  I am older need my parents medicial history  As  I almost died of leukemia After my birth mother died I have tried to get my mothers medicial records  They will not release them to  me or my sibleings Parents who give up  there children are trying to give there unborn child a better life This is only after they have exhausted all the ways to take care of the child them selves If the parent is not capable this is  a good solution This  is  a true act of selfless love

Answer 23

I think it's great for people who can't conceive, but not for the birthmom and sometimes not good for the child.

Answer 24

I am a birthmom an I think if done right, adoption can be great! I have an open adoption and I went through a Christian adoption agency. They call to check up on me and offer councling for the birthparents. With my situation, I know I'm not there to parent, just show love and support any way I can :)

I got an awesome family who gives me weekly updates and I get visits with my little girl. My situation went very smoothly and we haven't had any problems yet. Both the birthfather and I are envolved. We are young and were totally not ready for a baby. We found the type of family that we would like to be in the future. I know my little girl is safe and that she will know us and she'll know she is adopted from the beginning.

I know not all stories are not peaches and cream and it's horrible that not all situations work wout as good as mine did. I know quite a few adoptive parents and adoptees. Most are positive, but there are a few who have some baggage. A lot of their problems is the not knowing.

So if done correctly, adoption is a good option if there is no way to keep your baby. Some people want to have kids so bad, but they can't and this is a way to also help them.

Answer 25

i am adopted and well i dont like it at all

i want to no my really mom yeah she put me up for my own good but still this is so not fair she erasered herself from my history all the way she wanted nothing to do with me at all and that hurts me alot .i hurt everyday becuase me mom did not want me she was my age when she had me yeah but still i am almost 16 and well i miss her and would love to no who my really mom is. she just ledt me in the hospital and said find a good family for her and left me....

Answer 26

If I hadn't read through this section before I got to this question I would have emphatically said that it was a great thing.  Because of adoption, we have two wonderful members in our family who wouldn't have been here otherwise.

It's been enlightening reading others opinions, especially the adoptees. I still think adoption is a great thing. In fact I'd love to adopt myself someday, because I want a child but I'm quickly getting to that age where I probably won't be able to have one naturally. But if I do get the chance, I hope I'll be able to do things the right way. Whatever that is.

Answer 27

It's a good thing.

Pro's and Con's but I would say the good outweighs the bad.

Answer 28

Every once in a while we hear of an animal of one species "adopting" (feeding and being close to) an animal of a different species.  

I believe that for the right adoptive parents (which means a mother with a sufficiently developed maternal instinct) adoption is as natural as anything else in Nature.

Answer 29

it's waaay better than abortion and should be the only option for unwanted babies.

Answer 30

I feel like adoption is good when a child is going to a good home. So many kids get left in foster care all the time and its really sad. I plan on making the leap one day. Why not help if you can.

Answer 31

It's better than abortion!

I'm adopted and two of my cousins are also adopted so it was common in my family.  Our moms were told they couldn't have babies but then both got pregnant after they adopted us and the pressure was off!

I believe in closed adoptions though.  Once the baby is surrendered, that is the end of contact.  People often ask me if I think about my "real" mom.  I was adopted at 3 days old and have never known any other family than the one that raised me.  They are my real family, not some stranger I have never met.

One of my cousins went searching for his birth family and had the door slammed on him pretty hard.  The other one was randomly contacted by his birth mom after 35 years.....which disrupted his life pretty badly.

The only thing that can be difficult is not having much of a medical history.  But I make my doctors aware of the fact that I have no idea what may run through the history and we keep an eye out for anything.  It may make for a couple of extra tests or screenings a year but it's not a big deal.