How do you politely change your RSVP from "yes" to "no"?

Question

I RSVP'd "yes" to a dinner with friends a month ago, but since then we have incurred some expenses that we weren't expecting, and I think I should change my RSVP to a "no" at this point. We typically spend about $50 per person at these dinners (appetizers, wine, dinner...we pay for the b-day girl's dinner), and that is a lot for me, especially since we just had one last night for a b-day/moving-away that I dropped $50 on (the one last night was last-minute, AFTER I had RSVP'd for the one this Friday). Not to be petty, but there's also gas and possibly tolls to get there (no one is "volunteering" to be the DDD). How do I go about cancelling gracefully without hurting anyone's feelings?

Answer 1

Please just apologize and don't lie or give a specific reason.  A sincere apology and notification that you won't be able to make it after all (ASAP) would serve the purpose.  It is NOT a good idea to tell your friends that you now cannot go to their party (for which you RSVP'd a month ago) because you spent the money on another party.  Your friends' feelings may be hurt because you chose to go to another party (last minute or not) when you had already promised to go to their party.

Answer 2

Just tell them like it is.... you can't afford it> their you friends they should understand if not then you need new friends.

Answer 3

"Sorry, I won't be able to make it after all. I hope we can get together again soon"

Answer 4

Just call the person and politely say that you had some plans change and that you will be unavailable to make it to the party. And apologize for the change. If they ask about the change.. do not mention financial reasons, just state that something popped up that you had forgotten about before.  

Answer 5

Call them and let them know that you really don't have the money to go out right now because of the expenses. If they are really your friends they will understand, offer to treat if they really want you to go or suggest a more inexpensive option that is within your budget. Things happen and most people will understand that, just don't wait until the day of to cancel, do it as soon as possible.

Answer 6

I like the first posters answer.  Also, if these are your CLOSE friends, then it's ok to tell them the truth about why you can't attend.  

My friends and I do this all of the time for our birthdays.  If one of us can't attend due to financial reasons, someone else from the group usually covers that person because they want them to be there. The person who had to be covered usually helps cover someone else at another dinner if someone is not able to come because of financial stuff.

So I basically said all of that to say, if these are your CLOSE friends, someone may cover your meal because they want you to be there.  Just remember when you have some extra money, someone may need you to cover them.

*Edit*

I wanted to add something.  I wouldn't ask anyone to cover you.  Just be honest about why you can't attend, and maybe one of your friends will offer.

Answer 7

Just be honest and say what you mean...If you don't have the money then your canceling is perfectly acceptable and graceful...

Answer 8

Write on the new RSVP...." Very sorry we can't attend due to unforeseen circumstances"  

Answer 9

Now is the time for a little white lie.  Family emergency, relatives from out of town... it just depends on how close you are to these people and whether they will inadvertently find out that you lied.  

Otherwise, just tell them the truth and state that you had an emergency come up that makes you short on cash this month, and that you're really sorry.