How do you politely tell someone that is throwing a party for you that you hate the location?

Question

My fiance and I are getting married in Dec. He has 2 brothers, already married. When each of them got married, the other two brothers paid for the rehearsal dinner-while the sister in laws planned it. Now it's my turn, and the sister in law that is planning it chose the place that she had her bridal shower at (which I really didn't like...I thought it was dark and brown and the looks like the building hasn't been updated since the 80's.) Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful that they are throwing the rehearsal dinner, it's just that I hate the place. She loves it. After her shower, she had her father's surprise birthday party there and she said they do a good job.

Everyone in the bridal party will be there including all my family and honestly...Its going to be a little embarrassing. My family threw me a shower in a gorgeous place....and this is where they are having the rehearsal dinner? Is there any way to politely say that I don't want it there? I don't want to hurt feelings or cause bad blood, but I'm just miserable knowing that is where its going to be. Any suggestions at all?

I'm not as mean and spoiled as this may sound, I'm just...a bride I guess!

P.S. My fiance completely agrees and thinks its really weird that she would throw it at the same place she had her shower like 2 years ago.

Answer 1

Honestly, there is no "polite" way to tell them that you hate the location, because it is never polite to criticize a gift, and that's what this is- their gift to you of a rehearsal dinner.  So, unless you want to make instant enemies with your sister-in-law and be forever branded as "the high-maintenance one," suck it up, grin and bear it, and enjoy your rehearsal dinner in the 80's throwback building.  Really, you're lucky they even are throwing you the dinner- that's one more wedding expense you won't have to incur!

Answer 2

just say that you don't feel comfortable with the location. its going to be your rehearsal and event though shes throwing it you should still have a say in what you want.

good luck and congrats on your wedding

Answer 3

Just tell her your not comfortable having the shower there and would like to have it at a place that would fit the style you are looking for. If she is nice and respects you she should have no problem changing the location. You should tell her soon though before she really gets into detail planning the whole thing!

Answer 4

Why don't you tell her about a couple other venues you saw and really liked.

Answer 5

Hi.  I agree with fizzy stuff and some of the others.

Do not make waves.  This is a gift.  Obviously, she likes this building and is excited to do this for you.  You don't need to try to impress your family....it's only a building.  The "main ingredients" will still all be there:  family and friends that care about you.

I would let this go.  It's only a dinner....a few hours of everyone's time.  It's not the reception.  

Answer 6

You don't. Your fiance can bring it up with his brother and sister-in-law, but there is no polite way for you to ask. If he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, you're just going to have to grit your teeth and bear it.

Answer 7

It's not spoiled to want to be included on important decisions about the events surrounding your wedding, such as your rehearsal dinner. I'm surprised that your sister in law "chose" anything at all without your consent. That sounds controlling on her part. It's very nice that they are throwing the party for you, but it's not a surprise party, so there shouldn't be any secrets or decisions made that you don't have first-say. Tell your sister in law that you have other ideas for your rehearsal dinner, although her bridal shower was quite lovely, and invite her to come along to check out some other places with you.

Answer 8

I see where you are coming from and I know that you are not trying to sound like a brat. If i were you I would not say anythings since she is hosting and then you and your friends/ family can make fun of the place later. The host picks the place. I think if you say something you will come off as a bridezilla and she may be offended since she is going throw the work of hosting. You can hint and give her other places you have always wanted to try or find some other reason this place may not work like not enough parking of vegetarian choices.Other then that just be great full you are having a rehersal dinner and you will have something to laugh at later.

Answer 9

Do not say one thing about it at all. Just be grateful you are getting such a lovely thing done for you.

Answer 10

Honesty is the best poilcy. Just have a sit don conversation with her and let her know how you are feeling about the location. And that you don't feel comfortable or that you are not happy with the location.

I hope that you tell her as soon as possible, don't wait until the last minute. Good Luck  

Answer 11

Just tell them.  The rehearsal dinner shouldn't be allowed to get out of hand anyway.  It should not become a mini-reception.

Answer 12

There is no way to please everyone when planning a wedding, there are usually always differences in these things with how each family thinks things should be done and what each family thinks is a "good" thing.

As you said, this is a tradition with his family to do this for each other.

They are happy about doing this for you and your future husband.  I understand how you feel.  But, you are not the host.  They are throwing an event for you and your fiance.  There is a difference.

This is a "gift" for you both.  

You will more than likely find during your marriage that things like this will come up through the years.  It's a first lesson in a way of "going with the flow"  It's going to hurt feelings if you say anything.

It's a dinner, not your wedding reception.  Everyone is going to have a good time regardless of how the outside of the building looks, or if it's not what your idea of great decore is inside.  It's about all of you being gathered together after the rehersal, to eat drink and be merry.

I know this is imprtant to you now.....but 3 years from now it won't be so important, when you have your 10th anniversary or you start a family it won't be then either.  It's a dinner a few hours time.  

If she is insulted by your request to change the tradition/location.  It could change the relationship with his family members and you and even him for a long time and make things uncomfortable.

I would weigh that in mind when making your decision of how important the location really is to you in the big scheme of things in life.  

Where they have chosen for the location of this dinner is not a reflection of you or him.  It is of them.  Big difference there too.

Best of Luck

Answer 13

It's good that fiance completely agrees cause the best way is to have him talk to family and somehow joking/seriously throw out "just hope it's not 'there' again!"  When the WHY question gets thrown back, he can respond with C'mon, can't you guys think of anything original for my wedding!, we've been there twice already....Find the place a little 80's for my taste.....want you guys to have to work at this, show me the Love!!! "But seriously, I really want something different for the rehearsal dinner, not the same place, same pictures/different people idea, I want to be surprised as your name"

In this way, he will get his message across but in a nice way.

Answer 14

Youll be embarrassed in front of your family? Its your family! They know you are not the host. Nothing will be perfect in life, dear.

Be thankful they are doing their very best for you, and that you get along with your in-laws. And be thankful they arent throwing the wedding reception!! (its only the rehearsal dinner after all)

Answer 15

Maybe you and/or your mom can purchase some beautiful decor to liven up the place. Brown is actually a good background neutral and white or cream accessories would look very tasteful up against it. White twinkle lights, pretty flowers, etc., will do a lot to break up the monotony of the brown and lend some class, without putting your sister-in-law to any extra expense.

Talk to your family and your sister-in-law. Say you want to put your personal touch on the rehearsal dinner with some decor. That way your sister-in-law won't be offended and hurt that the place she had her shower is not good enough for you, and you won't have to worry about being embarrassed in front of your family because of the venue, though if they would make that reflect poorly on you, they are unbelievable snobs.

Answer 16

She is throwing your party at a location she feels comfortable with.

Take her out to lunch at a location you feel comfortable with and get her acclimated with it.

Once she is more familiar with a different place tell her her place sucks.

Answer 17

You don't get to choose the location of the shower that your sis-in-law is throwing for you.  Honestly you sound like a spoiled brat.  Suck it up and enjoy what someone else is doing for you.