How do you politely un-invite someone?

Question

I've been in a "supper swap" group for a couple years in which four families take turns cooking for each other. One of the girls decided to step out for the summer and wasn't sure she'd come back in the fall. We were all kind of relieved because her cooking had really gone down hill. We asked someone to fill in for her through September but now the original girl just called and said she was ready to get back in. I told her we had filled her spot through September, but maybe she could get in with another group, hoping she'd like the other group and stay. Her response was no, she'd just look forward to joining back in in October. Now what? How do we ask her to step down and still maintain a friendship?

Answer 1

you don't.  there is no polite way to do this at all...that's why "you don't"

Answer 2

if she's ur friend, then let her back in. or u could make someone else join in october, so she couldn't

Answer 3

Normally I would tell you that you can't uninvite someone. But this looks like an exception. I see other people feel you are being clique-ish, but I disagree. If the point here is to share meals, and she's not doing her part, why have her back? (I mean, if you wanted Hamburger Helper and tuna sandwiches for dinner, you wouldn't have a supper swap, you'd spend the couple bucks and half-hour to do it yourself. It seems like you are looking for more quality here, and she is benefiting from those willing to make more effort while giving nothing in return.)

If she is really your friend, you can tactfully point out to her that she needs to step up her game starting in October. Let her know that her thrown-together meals are not on par with what your group wants to do.  You could drop hints about what her fill-in is bringing, and how you appreciate the effort that she is putting forth.

Or you could just tell her you didn't know she would want to come back, and the stand-in is now permanent.

Answer 4

its only food,your going to kick her out of the group and hurt her feelings because her food is not that good??? so instead of being mean, why not try and help your friend offer her some new recipes or even help her cook sometimes..its only dinner its not the end of the world!!!

Answer 5

The supper swap thing smells like a metaphor for a clique. Only certain members are invited and it seems your friend is not "worthy."

There is no way to politely un-invite her from the group. She bowed out thinking she could count on her friends to be there for her when she was ready to come back. But you all aren't acting like her friends at all. Have you ever considered that maybe her cooking went downhill because she may have gotten busy or was under stress? That's why she bowed out after going downhill. Now that she is returning, she'll likely have more focus.

You all sound like you're in high school forming a little groupie. Remember that she's been in this swap for years, can you imagine how she's going to take it when you tell her to bow down for good? That isn't fair and you know it.

It sounds like you don't value her friendship at all.

Do HER (not yourself) a favor and let her find real friends.

I don't care if she makes Hamburger Helper, she is at least TRYING to please everyone. SOME effort was put into it. Stop complaining, a lot of people would be honored to eat hamburger helper over nothing.

Answer 6

well some way is that you can just tell them that you already made plans and everything and tell them that you'll invite them next time. and just say sorry.

Answer 7

There's no nice way to do this.  If you don't let her come back, you're very liable to lose a friend.  I guess you have to decide what's most important to you...the number of families in the group, eating something not so great once in a while, or having your friend feel good.

There should be room for one more especially one who's a friend.

Answer 8

Friends can be funny about things like that maybe you should tell her that her cooking isn't as good as it used to be and that you don't want to offend her by asking her to leave the group for good or maybe you should fined another group for her and try to help her blend in with a new group

Answer 9

you could try and say "im sorry we just dont have any more room. we didnt think you were coming back" but i dont think the friendship will last too much longer if you kick her out...

Answer 10

You can't politely do that. You sound elitist and stuck-up and cliquish anyway...

OR let her be in the group but say, "We just wanted to go over the rules a little. This is supposed to be a way to practice new recipes and try new things so we're not making anything that anyone else could easily make, like hamburger helper or sandwiches."