How do you politly tell your in laws that they are buying way to much for your child??

Question

if i so much as mention that im going to buy say a certain toy or clothing, braclet etc etc for my child in say a fortnights time , they rush out and buy it first then tell me it has to stay up there place.

so how can i politly say something ? and what should i say? i dont want to be rude or anything.. but if it was my mum and dad doing it i would say something to them.

Answer 1

Dont.

I am still a child, and I love getting gifts.

They must be nice if they give.

DONT SAY ANYTHING. After I turned 10, I started getting less and they backed off a bit.

It's their way of staying with your child.

Answer 2

d**n girl when my mother in-law comes shopping I show her what I need and then she buys what I need. There is nothing better than when you have someone to help you with the clothing of your children than a grandparent who wants too. Let her help you, you will apprecaite it in the future when you have another or when your children start school and they help with the uniforms and that then helps you with their school fees.

Answer 3

Sigh. Unfortunately, there really is no "polite" way to tell them, as in-laws sometimes ignore "polite", and if you have to be even slightly mean about it, well, you know how that turns out. Grandparents buy lots of "stuff" b/c it's their way of spoiling their grandchildren, where they wouldn't let themselves spoil their own children.

My suggestions are A) No longer mention any stuff that you plan on buying. Keep *all* conversation topics away from things that your child needs/wants. B) Where it's unavoidable (like birthdays and holidays), either say that your best friend/sister/someone else dear has already bought the item, or just take the item, smile, and then bring it home to do with as you wish (*cough* give to charity). If they still insist on having the items only at their home, tell them that your child really misses it when she goes to your own home, and asks for it all the time.

I wish you all the best with your in-law issues.

Answer 4

Politly tell them that you'd like to buy the things that you mentioned and that it would be nice if they'd think and spred out their mind and buy their own things!

Answer 5

First off, you need to make sure your husband is backing you up on this. Otherwise his parents might whinge to him and he will say its no problem. So thats first off

Next time she does buy something, mention to her that you understand that it is their grandchild, but she can't have everything she wants, otherwise she wont appreciate them as she gets older.

Answer 6

I tell mine to butt out. Gotta be cruel to be kind.

If they want to keep it at their place, I won't go to their house. That's just stupid in my opinion.

Answer 7

First off to prevent them from doing this just do not tell them what you are planning to buy...therefore they have no idea and have no chance of getting it before you do.

Also if you want to politely tell them to stop buying so much then you could say something like " I appreciate all the stuff you've gotten her but we are trying to keep it limited seeing as we can not buy her something all the time and do not want to disappoint her if she wants something and we can not afford it. We are tryin to use the gifts as ocassional things instead of everyday things so when we are able to afford them,they mean a lot more to her"

Hope that helped

Answer 8

I can easily tell my own parents to not buy stuff for my child. I mean I let them get him some stuff, but other times I just flat out tell them to stop.

Now with my hubby's parents........

they ALWAYS want to get stuff. I mean big, expensive stuff. I told them that I did not want him to grow up always thinking that that is what they are there for. I told them flat out that I want him to be able to go to see them without saying, "What did you all buy me this time?!" I told them that he has ENOUGH stuff that is piling up in his room. I have also told them that when he needs, or really wants something then my hubby and I get it for him if we feel that it is okay for him to have it. One time they bought my son this large V Tech riding car, and I was like "Oh c**p!" He really did not need it, and he rarely uses it now.

I also told them that it would be nice if they ask us before getting him something to make sure that we are okay with it.

Answer 9

ok becuz I am evil minded I wouldn't stop tellin the inlaws what you plan to buy.. well not exactly.. make up one thing and buy something completely different. If they are not letting it come home with your child then they aren't really buyin it for them but rather loaning it to them when they visit.

I did this to my own mother once. Told her my daughter wanted one thing *when I knew she didn't care for it at the time (a bratz doll) and I knew she really wanted a hannah montana doll. I was the hero for once and my mom was the zero...

also when i told my mom that she could buy anything she wanted for my daughter as long as it was given to her at our house.

Answer 10

keep your mouth shut about what you are buying your children. and maybe let the children write a list of what they would like to have for when they go to your in laws so that they have stuff to do when they go there, that way your in laws dont buy the same stuff as you and the children, always have different things to do when u visit.  Also you dont have to store so much at your house.

Answer 11

I wouldn't mention what you plan to buy anymore.  If they ask what they can buy for the child, then I'd suggest a savings bond or contribution to a college account.  

Is it possible they are just trying to make your life easier so you don't have to bring toys and clothes when you come visit?  My mother-in-law has a lot of toys that stay there, and I love it because it lets me pack light when we stay there.

Answer 12

First of all if they are buying it for your daughter why does it have to stay at there place?

I had this problem with my in-laws and I tried to get my partner to say something to no avail. Instead the next time they bought her something I told them that as much as we appreciate everything they have to stop buying her things and that it was going a little overboard. Tell them that you want her to appreciate material things, and that there are certain things that you, as her mother, want to buy her that are a special mother/daughter thing and when you want them to be kept at your house. Its a hard one, but if you can say it as light heartly as possible it may get through. it worked for me :)

Answer 13

in-laws... <shakes head>  girl, i feel your pain!  the best thing you can do is be tactfully direct.  the next time this happens (say you mention that you are about to buy your child a new toy, and big surprise, there it is at their house), pull them aside, away from your child, and say, "i really appreciate how thoughtful you were to get such and such toy for my child (i'll call her ashley for the sake of this convo).  unfortunately though, i feel that every time i mention an item i'm about to buy for her, you run right out and get it.  i am so grateful that you care so much for ashley, but at the same time, i'd really prefer that you not spoil her so much.  we want to teach her that she's not going to get something new every time she sees you.  in the future, i'd really appreciate it if you talked with us first before buying her things."  she may be offended, but it will nip the behavior. remember to be polite and talk her up... make sure you reiterate how appreciative you are and how thoughtful she is to lessen the blow.  hopefully that helps.  it worked for me.  (and occasionally, she still goes nuts and gets stuff, but i make my husband handle her in those cases)

Answer 14

I hate the "stay at grandma's house" stuff too. How do you explain to your child that the thing they REALLY wanted isn't theirs to take home? My mom lives out of state and she has a lot of "grandma's house" stuff which is great, but I keep trying to explain that if we only visit 4 times a year there is no point in her keeping clothes and toys there... she will outgrow stuff before we return.

Just stop telling them what you want for your children.

Answer 15

Your inlaws are creepy.  I would never again mention anything you planned to buy.  If they ask you about it, just tell them that their maneuvers are creepy and you just don't want to deal with it any longer.  Maybe they will get a clue.

Answer 16

Your husband has to be the one to say something to them, explain your point of view  to him and tell them that he needs to say something to his parents. Why would they buy things for the baby if you can't bring it to the baby's home? ...it's kind of ridiculous.

Your husband can say something like this: "We really appreciate all the gifts you buy for the baby, but what's the point of buying him something if he is not going to be able to enjoy it 100% because it's at your (the in-laws) house. We are deeply grateful for your kindness but I would appreciate if you don't buy him more gifts that the necessary."

Answer 17

We informed my in-laws that we didn't want our daughter to have everything she asked for.....and the things we thought she should have would be given to her at special times.

We also asked that they let us know what they were buying for Christmas  & birthdays to make sure it wasn't too much.

Because my husband & I were united on this.....my in-laws abided by our rules.....with no problems.

Answer 18

Just buy what you planned anyway so your child can have one at your house too. And stop telling them things you plan to buy.