How do you punish an 11 year old for stealing her friends toys?

Question

My 11 year old stole her friends stuffed animals. How should I punish her?

Answer 1

March back over to the friend's house. Have her admit what she did, give back the toys and then for every toy that she stole you donate as many of hers.

Answer 2

Your 11 year old? I might understand if she was four or five and didn't understand, but at 11 that is inconsiderate and immature.

You should take her to her friend's house, make her return the toys in person and write an apology letter or card. Then, ground her for about a week from TV, video games, the computer, etc. She needs to know that there will be severe consequences for things such as that.

I hope your child will learn that is wrong,

-Claire ;)

Answer 3

I would definitely have her take the item back to her friend, and have to apologize face to face not only to the friend, but to the friends parents.  I know it will be embarrassing, but at this age be embarrassed a couple of times in front of a peer can extinguish that behavior forever.  I would also consider having her give her friend a small token, maybe something that belongs to your daughter, or something that she buys for her friend using her own money.  That can go a long way to smoothing over a friendship.

Answer 4

Stop visits for a month?.

Answer 5

Make her take them back and make her apologize to the other child in person.  Then she needs to be punished, like to tv/computer/video games for 2 weeks.

Answer 6

Make her take it back and apologise. Ground her till she can be trusted

Answer 7

make her give them back, apologize, and no TV or computer or friends for a week. =] hope she learns, and whatever you do do not yell, my father yelled at me and threatened and abused me my whole childhood an di dont respect him at all anymore. make sure you treat her as a daughter, but in a FRIENDLY way =]

Answer 8

Yea make her call her friend tell her what happend make her tell her mom and then she needs to go over there and return it to her. She also needs to be grounded for a a week or so stealing should not be talerated. If you dont punsih her she will be knocking off 7/11

Answer 9

of course, make her apologize, but then take away privileges for a few days such as tv, ipod, phone (if she has one)...

Answer 10

For my 11 year old daughter, stealing from a friend (if it ever occurred, heaven forbid, and could not be regarded as just a mistake) would mean serious consequences: a long lecture followed by a spanking, giving back the toy with an apology both in writing and in person, and possibly grounding from fun things for a weekend.

Answer 11

Shes 11 years old. Shes not an adult, but she sees adults do the same thing on an 'adult' level every day of the year. There could be a number of reasons she did that. 'Wanting' those stuffed animals was probably not one of them. She may have a fear of losing her friend and wants to keep a 'piece' of her. She may find comfort in those animals as it may make her feel as though her friend is with her. DO NOT take something of hers and throw it away or donate it. That is cruel and, believe me, you will regret it long after she is over it.

The suggestions that she take those toys personally to her friend and apologize is the very 'right' thing to do. The other girls parents should make certain that their daughter accepts and forgives her.

True, there must be a consequence. Give her the choice of punishment.

One week grounded

Spanking

One week without electronic devices

20 hours community service

Allow her to choose the punishment. you may be surprised by the maturity of her choice.

Answer 12

u should be strict because at elevn she knows what she is doing is wrong and u need correct her.Make her write an apology letter

Answer 13

First, is she really sorry for stealing, or is she sorry she got caught.  She has to learn the penalty for stealing, punishment. Make her return the items and apologize to her friends. If she has a relationship with God, she should ask for forgiveness. I would watch her very closely. Better you stop her now than the judicial system.

Answer 14

make her apologise to her friend and next time she gets invited somewhere, tell her that youve told the persons mum about this incident (dont really) so she gets scared and embarassed.....its the only way she'll learn.

Answer 15

You start out when the 11 year old is an infant teaching that infant that stealing is wrong.  You set rules and discipline the child accordingly.  This way later on in life you won't have to try and figure out how to "punish" your child for doing wrong because that child would have grown up with rules, and vaules and ethics as well as morals.  Now all I can suggest is to make the child work (and not at home, make the child do yard work for neighbors, walk dogs, do housework for neighbors), to repay the other child for the stuffed animals.

Answer 16

make her return them and donate 1 toy for every one she stole to someone who doesn't have any toys (like a shelter). This should teach her to give, not take

Answer 17

March her little a_s_s back to her friend's house, make her apologize and take something away from her that actually belongs to her.

Answer 18

She is not little and at 11 years old, understands what she did, and should be made aware that it is inconsiderate and immature. Long hard bare bottom spanking leaving a cherry red b u t t , followed by 1 week of TV and computer grounding would be the punishment if she were mine. And yes, returning the toy and apologizing should be done, but as the right thing to do, not the punishment

Answer 19

Make her go back and give them back, apologize, and pay for a new one (if she destroyed them).

Answer 20

Make her take them back and have an apology speech ready. Ground her from playdates and her stuffed animals for 3 - 7 days.

Answer 21

take away some of hers and donate them....show her that it stinks when someone takes your things and doesn't give them back. the show her how there are people who don't have anything at all. and she has so many toys and has no reason to steal someoen else's.

Answer 22

One of the hardest - and saddest - parts of raising children is teaching them that their actions carry consequences.  It appears that this is one of those times when a bit of "tough love" is required, and it's going to be up to you (and your spouse, if he is part of the picture) to teach her this.

First of all, I agree completely that the initial step would be having your daughter - under your close supervision - not only return the items she took, but apologize to both her friend and her friend's parent(s) for her actions...and to do so specifically - saying a simple "I'm sorry" just can't cut it; the best way to link her action with it's inappropriate nature is to have her specify **why** she is sorry and that she knows it is wrong.

Next, sit down with your daughter and explain that, as she behaved inappropriately, there will have to be a punishment for her actions. While some say take away her toys, and others say take away privileges or other treats, I can only say that you (as her parent) would have to be the judge of what best suits the situation.  As for myself, my parents alternated between taking away my ability to do activities that I enjoyed with losing certain priviliges (like the car as I got older).

As your child is 11, I might suggest that you work with the parent(s) of her friend to see if there might be a way she can make reparations to that child instead, and make that her punishment - for example, have your daughter perform one of that girl's chores for a week.  

Whatever  you choose, I wish you the best of luck and commend you for caring enough to be willing to seek outside advice.

Answer 23

Make her march herself to the house, return the toys - apologize, then she's grounded for a week or so! No c**p, I was 11 not to long ago (13 now) and would've been dead for doing that! She's not a little kid.

Answer 24

just ground her from life for about a couple of weeks.......other than school and church (if you go to church) she can't go anywhere. no computer no phone! it sounds cruel but that's the only way she'll learn not to.

Answer 25

Whats going on in her world so shes 11

and i take it they were nice looking Teddy's, did she have taste?

see i think stealing for children is the mag pie variety its more a way of collecting shiny (objects of worth) things.

see this way round you explain why it's not good to steal to feel happy, confident, comfort... because when you get found out - its 10x worse what it was to start with.

Answer 26

Well if this is her first time doing this. Make her go over to her house with you apologize and give it back that hard for a kid to do. I have a daughter she did same thing and that what i did and she hated doing it and  so far she hasn't done it again.

Answer 27

have her personally give them back and have her walk up to the other girls parents and have her tell them what she did and then have her buy a new toy for the other girl from her own money that she will have to work 4 and also figure out about how much the toys were and have her make that maney to show her that nothing is free ecpecially if you steal it

then you choose what to do with that money