How do you raise vegetarian children when one parent eats meat (but is commited to children being veg)?

Question

I'm a non-veg in a mixed dating relationship (lifelong Indian-American vegetarian). I've cut my meat consumption way down (about once a week, eating out or frozen dinners) and am very happy with that, but am not ready to go completely veg. However, if we have children, I'm 100% supportive of raising them vegetarian (would even try to go veg during pregnancy, if it's important to him). We're concerned about making it "stick" with a non-veg parent, though...could I eat meat in front of them? Eating it secretly would feel too deceptive, but just saying "I'm eating it but you can never have it" doesn't feel right either. Maybe eat it openly but occasionally, telling them they can decide at a certain age whether to eat meat (but work hard to present veg as the better option)?

The obvious answer is to become veg :o) but it's not something I'm ready to commit to, and I don't want to start a family saying I'll be veg and then not be able to do it (leaving my partner feeling betrayed).

Answer 1

your children also need the iron and the fibers and the protein. Why is it fair to them that ONE parent can have meat but the kids cant..they can still have meat, depending if your doing it to eat right or just thinking about the animals...If I want a burger I eat boca burgers (non-meat vegggie burger) they are not bad and I was raised on meat so lol.

Answer 2

I don't see how it's any different than say, having a glass of wine but telling them they can't have it.  There are many things that adults can do and children cannot.  I don't think parents should feel obligated to justify their actions to their children.....

If you absolutely feel that you should tell them a reason why, I'd say that you want them to be old enough to make a good decision about whether or not to eat meat....a decision like that isn't something you want to put on a young child, and whatever explanation you give a child probably won't make much sense until they're older anyway.

I think it's fine to just not allow them to eat it but tell them they can choose for themselves when they are older.  I do agree with you though that eating it behind their back would be a bit deceptive.

Answer 3

My advice: go vegetarian.  Just stop eating flesh.

Eating meat while expecting your child to be vegetarian is like smoking in front of your child while expecting they'll never smoke.  Children see, children do.

If you truly feel this is right and appropriate for your child, it has to begin with you first.  So be vegetarian.  Trust me: before long it'll be second nature to you, and when you're ready to start a family your children will follow your example, and inconsistency between you and your partner won't be an issue.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

Perhaps you had better do a lot of soul searching before becoming pregnant.

Answer 5

OK, my parents had to go through this also, sorta.  Also indian-veg.  Anyways, when they're little, not a big deal, since you'll spend most of your time just trying to shove food into their mouths.  You'll actually face trouble when they go to school, and they're surrounded by non-veg.  They'll be curious, and they may partake in meat.  But that's been covered in this forum before.

My parents were extremely honest with us, and I've always respected them for that.  Don't do it secretly, because they will feel betrayed, and you really don't have to feel self-conscious.  

If they question, just state honestly: I wasn't raised to be veg, but it's important for your other parent that you are raised to be veg.  When you're older, we'll let you choose, but for now, please respect your _____'s wishes.  If you don't, if you were to choose to be veg in the future, you will regret that you weren't always veg.  Emphasize that they'll be given a choice later.  I'd say middle school is a good age, depending on how mature you feel your children are.

And to make sure that they stay veg, I'd advise against Indian food for lunch.  That led to my sister throwing her lunch away because she was different, and her teachers wondering if my mom gave her food.

Answer 6

You can eat it in front of them.

Treat is just as you would coffee, or beer or whatever... as an adult food that is not for children, and you can even add that you eat it because you were brought up that way, but you don't think that it's such as good idea, so tell them they shouldn't eat it.  Just like parents that smoke and tell their kids not to smoke because it's bad for them.

I make 'adult' foods for myself that the kids do not get to eat.  I will eat some spicy stuff that they just wouldn't be able to eat.  Or something with lots of sugar that I know would make them go crazy, so they do not get to eat it.  Or some chips or whatever... or maybe green tea (full of caffeine)... right, so there are lots of 'adult' foods that children should not eat.  Typically, I do not eat it in front of them and save such things for a snack when they are not around or take it to eat for lunch at work etc. because kids always want to eat what you are eating, so yes, I deprive myself of lots of foods that I like and only eat very healthy stuff around them...  As a result, I have actually stopped putting so much sauce and stuff on my food and am eating more plain and because of this I can actually taste my food better instead of just the sauce or salt or soy sauce etc.  It actually took years to be able to stop throwing sugar, salt and sauces etc. onto and into my food, recipes etc.  I make cookies with just a little cane sugar, instead of what the recipe says, two cups... and it's enough and the kids love them... they are not hooked on sugar and salt and added flavours so they do not miss or crave it.

Anyway, other people are going to be eating meat etc. around your kids, but you should set the example you want them to follow, so I say, yes, do not eat foods you do not want them to eat around them -- it these foods at another time or place.  If you were a smoker, but for the sake of your children you only smoked away from the home and away from the children, that would be okay, correct?  Think of meat (junk foods, candy, etc) in the same way.  It's not deceptive.  You are not being a hypocrite.  You are thinking of your children first and yourself second or third or fourth.  That's the way it should be.  Until they are older, they will copy just about everything you do and when they are very young, it's very important that you give them your best impression.  Of course tell your partner and let him/her know everything and your plan etc.  Anyway, there are many families where the children are vegan by choice from a very young age and the parents are not, and they all get along fine.

Answer 7

Hi Sara, is good to read your honesty.

First off, look for the right reasons to change. I'm a Vegan, but I do think that the decision must come from the inside, from a mindset shift. It is not merely a dietary change.

If you're not ready to "commit to it" do not make promises to anyone. Do your research, do your thinking, and decide.

You are very right that if your kid watches you eating something (in this case, a former someone) it will be problematic if the argument for raising your kid that way is based on health aspects, or even more if in ethical considerations.

But honesty must be upfront. Maybe you could just tell her/him the reasons why you still eat meat, and why you don't want her/him to do it. It's not easy to know if she/he will understand at the time, but it's better than hiding things or lying.

But who knows? Maybe something on your road will make you decide to go veg*an all the way before having to deal with all of this =)

Regards.