How do you recover after being in a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder?

Question

Did you find yourself concealing what you thought or felt because you were afraid of her reaction and wrath?

Did you feel that anything you said or did could be twisted and used against you?

Did you feel you loved her, but at the same time feel really anxious around her?

Were you blamed for everything wrong in the relationship and her life?

Was she irrationally jealous of every woman, even actors on TV?

Were you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages, only to have her wake up the next day and tell you she loves you?

Did you sometimes feel like you were being manipulated, that you didn't really trust her, that she was really out for herself and didn't give a rat's a** about your feelings?

Did you ever try to talk about some of these problems with her to only be met with scorn or silence?

When you met her, did she think you were the greatest thing to ever happen to her, the answer to her prayers?

Did she later tell you she hated you, she's wasted her life on you, and she wished you were never born?

If you gave a suggestion, a piece of advice, or an opinion, did she almost always do the opposite?

Were you accused of things you never said, and things you never did?

Were you constantly being put down?

Did you begin to feel alienated from your friends, your family, your former life?

Did you have a hard time making plans because of her moodiness and unpredictability, and impulsiveness?

Did you tell yourself that everything will be okay?

Did you ever figure out why you put up with this?

Has anyone recovered enough and how did you do it?

Answer 1

yes i had an intense relationship during my twenties.  he told me I was crazy and I went for therapy,  He thought my going to therapy was proof I was.  But what happened was therapy showed me that I was ok.  It gave me the power to stop the relationship completely.  But it was difficult because it took three years to be free of the emotional tumult.  When I got married I looked for a fellow that did none of those things.  I have been married now 33 fresh and wonderful years.

so you get over it in time.

Answer 2

Read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells.  Also go to Yahoo groups and do a search for Borderline Personality Groups, and subscribe.

I was married to a BP, and my roommate is BP, so I know what you are going through.

You may also want to seek counseling for yoursef

Answer 3

I am in the middle of a divorce right now. I am 22 years old and my husband has BPD. We also have a 6 week old son. It is so hard, especially when you have become codependent on this person. I am actually fighting with him right now via text messages. He is so nasty and mean to me, and I have done everything in the world for him. He is so selfish and self-absorbed and blind to reality because of this disorder that has ruined his life, my life, and probably our son's life too since he is so mentally unstable.

I can identify with every single thing you have listed in your question. I know how you feel, but I dont have a straight forward answer for you. You need to take care of yourself (I am learning). I just got on Zoloft a month ago to help me through this horrible time. I am thinking about going to see a therapist because I am a victim to codependency and I feel so lost right now. I don't understand where I lost myself and became so enveloped in his life. Everything was all about him. All I did was give, give, give and all he did was take, take, take. He still continues to hurt me every day.

I know how you feel and I am sorry. You can email me ANY time you need to talk. I am in your position and it is so hard and devastating. I don't know why these things happen to good people. I just feel completely used & mentally & emotionally taken advantage of. I know you feel the same Please email me if you figure out a way to cope with this. I need help too.

Answer 4

Yes, You win...Johnny what is behind door number 1!

Answer 5

As with any troublesome relationship. move on with love and consider it a learning experience.  Remember the other person is sick so may not be able to form a healthy relationship - so it's not your fault.  You just find someone you can have a healthy relationship - and still treat the former with kindness

Answer 6

My brother is a classic NPD and all out for himself. I see my whole relationship with him as being on what I call his "Merry Madness Carousel" -- blinded by the lights, the music, the show, the constant up and down and going in circles. It never ends. It's all pretend. Jump off!

When I jumped off the carousel he made me the family scapegoat and talked bad about me behind my back to make my family hate me and blame me for everything that went wrong. All because I stood up to him. At that point, I didn't care--I found it easier just to move far away and cut off all contact with him and the rest of the family--for my own sanity. Can't be a scapegoat if bad things keep happening and you're no longer around to blame! Now after all these years, they know the truth about what he is!

My recovery is based on just getting away from him and not being involved in his life in any way. I was a lot happier once he wasn't in my life expecting me to bail him out. Think in terms that these people are emotionally five years old, and treat them as such. You're not the one who's nuts...they are.