How do you respond to someone who keeps trying to invite themselves over to your house????

Question

A woman at work (non-homosexual) keeps trying to invite herself over my house . The last time i was headed out of town, so responded as such, with NO counter offer, hoping she'd get the message. A week after my trip, she asked how it was then again "playfully" stated " I'm still waiting for my dinner invite". How tacky and rude to invite yourself to someone's house!! A year ago she had problems at home and I didn't know her that well but wanted to offer assistance, so gave her my number for emergencies only, since she has two small children. Then I noticed that she would call on weekends, just happening to be in my neighborhood, asking what I was doing. (obviously thinking I would feel the impetus to invite her over). She's not a terrible person; I just have no interest in being friends, after discovering her personality. She has character traits i dislike, but tolerate at work. Apparently she wants to be friends. Enough.How do I preclude her efforts without being too callous?

Answer 1

You have to be very delicate because of working with her, but frankly, she is being rude. You simply tell her you cannot have visitors because of your schedules and your husband's (if you don't have a husband, substitute someone else, a family member, relative, etc) and it is not convenient to have guests at any time.

Answer 2

There seems to be a big part of the story missing.  Why does she expect an invitation to dinner at your house?  Have you been a guest in her house for a meal?  Or did you tell her once upon a time that you would have her over for dinner one day?

If you have been a dinner guest in her home, then she isn't out of line expecting a reciprocal invitation.  You don't have to invite just her - invite everyone in your department and grill hamburgers.  Or wait for cooler weather and invite everyone to come over and enjoy a pot of chili or some spaghetti.  Then you've had her over, there is no more obligation (real or perceived) hanging over your head, and it was a group event so everyone could have a good time.

If you commented early on that you would invite her to dinner "one day," well .... you did say it.  She's rude to keep bringing it up, though, and there are ways to handle this.

Frankly, when someone tries to invite themselves to my house, I just tell them that my evenings and weekends are my time to decompress, to forget about work, and to enjoy my family and my home and my yard and my personal time.  It's my sanctuary, and I hope they'll understand that this is a time in my life when I don't choose to share my sanctuary.

Then again, the last person who kept on at me with the "I'm still waiting on my dinner invite" got answered, "Yes, you are."  And I walked off without saying another word.

By the way, do you have Caller ID?  If she calls your home on weekends, don't answer the phone.  If she mentions at work that she tried to call but got no answer, you could always say you were in the garage, or carrying stuff to the attic, or taking a shower or a nap.  

And if she ever shows up at your door without an invitation, don't answer the door, even if your car is sitting right there so she knows you're home.  Then at work, tell her that if you haven't invited someone to come over, you don't answer the door.

Answer 3

Tell her in a serious manner "at this point in my life I really do not have room/time  for another friend."

Answer 4

I had this happen to me...a very, very needy woman from church.  I tried to help her with the kids (babysitting), but she clung like a peach.

I finally had to tell her I'd been under some stress and needed alone time. Sometimes you can't insult these people because they are self-centered.  You may have to tell her you are not interested in a friendship with her, but thanks for the interest. Say you consider her a co-worker and don't associate with co-workers.

Answer 5

I forget where I heard this from, but she probably won't want to have dinner with you again after this. When I heard it, I thought it was a great idea. Okay, so call her up and invite her to dinner.  Then, when it's time to wash dishes, if you have a dog, have your dog come and l**k all the dirty dishes and put them back in the cupboard. Do this all in front of the woman. That should gross her out and then she'll probably not want to come to your house after that. If you don't have a dog, I know this might sound gross, but you can l**k them. That will probably gross her out even more! Then, you probably won't be hearing from her about coming over again!

Answer 6

You could tell this co-worker that

"you NEVER mix you professional life with your private one."

You can, if you so wish, have a drink,  lunch or dinner with her - if you find her nice enough (you proposed to help her) - to give her an opportunity to have someone to talk to. We do live in a democraty so it is up to you... If you feel you have to meet her outside the office, keep it unpersonal and meet at a café or restaurant.

I would just avoid having her in my home because she seems to be "sticky" and you may never get rid of her.

Life is too short to surround yourself with people you do not appreciate. At work you have to put up with her so....do not invite her at home and make it clear. Like work and love do not mix, so it goes for work and home. These are very compartementalized areas of your life.

Be firm! Like I said, Life is too short.

Hope this helps.