How do you satisfy someone who is bent on using you as a scapegoat for all their problems??

Question

My husband likes to blame me for anything that's not going well in his life. If he's not doing well in his courses, it's my fault. If he cannot find a job, it's because I haven't found him one.

He says I'm a very selfish and illogical human being. Meanwhile, I have fully supported our family financially all along (at first, he was a student and now he's looking for a job). I also do pretty much all of the housework and the overwhelming majority of the childcare.

He just sits around on the computer feeling sorry for himself and blaming me for all his problems. Nothing I do is good enough. I apply for jobs for him and I talk to everyone I know about getting him a job (networking). He still says I'm selfish and not doing enough to help him.

How can he say I only care about myself when I spend literally every waking moment either working to provide for the family, cooking, cleaning or watching the kid? Does that even make sense? Which part of that is selfish?

I'm so fed up. Here I thought I was being the ideal wife and mother, and apparently all this time he's been thinking I'm selfish and useless. How do you satisfy someone who is bent on using you as a scapegoat for all their problems??

Answer 1

You can't and you shouldn't even try....Why would you want to remain with someone who treats you with so little respect?

Answer 2

Your husband is an emotional vampire.

He removes all of your good qualities and replaces them with insults to your integrity, your character, and your ability to adapt to stress.

Personally, I'd tell him to leave.

If you are causing all these problems for him in his life, then give him his walking papers to go pursue the life of happiness he feels he deserves.

You've given 110% of yourself to him, the kids, the household, and the finances.

And he's sat there like a sponge absorbing it all and expecting more.

Let him go.

You can do better.

Answer 3

u cant..its his problem..he needs help and if he refuses to get it u need to get out. relationships need 2 b 50/50 not 100/0.ive been there and its not easy situation to be in... he will prolly tell uhe doesnt need help u do if he does thats a sure sign to get out....good luck

Answer 4

IF HE BELIEVES YOU ARE ALL THAT WORTHLESS, GO ON STRIKE.  treat him like the adult he is and give him credit for a job well done (or not)  just how old is he anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  you need to get a bit selfish and call a time out.  

Answer 5

YOU DON'T!

Answer 6

Sounds like he has depression. What did he go to school for- was it a job-getting course or something useless in the real world? If hes sitting at the computer, it better be to fill out applications! Sit him at the kitchen table and write down everything you do-work, cleaning, cooking, wife, mother, job finder, and his emotional punching bag and list what he does-mope, whine,complain, dont go outside and look for a job, semi-hubby and semi-daddy; then ask him who's selfish! Give him a list of things to do to keep him going (instead of sitting at the computer) and include filling out applications at this place and that place(even if it has nothing to do with studies) and insist FIRST to see a Dr. about the depression because no one will hire him in this state of mind (just tell him he needs a physical for joining the work force) but inform the Dr. ahead of time about his moodiness. Put a fire under your hubby.

Answer 7

I think he requires treatment.Take him to a therapist.

Answer 8

You can't make him the see the obvious when he refuses to. The problem is not with you...it is with him. He has problems and is refusing to take responsibility for fixing them. It is not up to you to fix his problems...he has to do that. Maybe he's depressed?