How do you see this?

Question

My mother-in-law and I have never gotten along. She truly is a piece of work and will do what ever she can to seperate my husband and I. My husband has come to realize this and supposively takes my side. However, he has never stood up to her and told her off or tell her to stop. He simply ignors it and avoids the comfrontation with his mother. When we argue because of her, he shuts down and refuses to talk to me. Why? Does he believe his mother over me even though he has realized and seen what she has done?

Answer 1

Please don't ask him to take sides against HIS mother.  I am sure he realizes how she is.  This is a fight that you really don't want to win or lose for that matter. Why do you argue over his mother?  I am sure he doesn't need you to emphisize his mothers flaws. Jelousy is an ugly thing.  

Answer 2

That's what a lot of men do, never stand up to their mothers. I don't actually know why, but I don't think he's actually taking his side, he's just afraid of confrontation with her. I think that you should tell him though that you feel like he takes her side, because he may not realise. Maybe if he knows that it's hurting you he will make more of an effort.

Answer 3

*Did he have a good relationship with her growing up? Does he have alot of respect for her?

-You said he "shuts down and refuses to talk to you" He can believe you and just be shutting down because he doesn't know how to talk to his mother without moving her in an uncommon way. He might not know exactly what to say. You might've witnessed him standing up to her about other things regarding his course in life, as he always has, but this has to do with her directly. Something that she's doing.

I think either you, or both of you should call or sit with mom. The problem is that she feels uneasy about you for some reason. I'm not exactly sure what's on her mind, but she might be feeling uneasy about something you have every right to do as a wife in this world. And she needs to understand that taking sides isn't good especially when it comes to marriage.

I would tell her that from the beginning we haven't gotten along and your doing things that affect my marriage with your son. This is a problem and I just need to know, what exactly is the issue here? If she has concerns she should express it to you both properly. Presuming things and just acting is wrong, she's not with you two 24/7 to be able to determine what the real deal is.

Answer 4

Well, maybe he does not see it as well as you because you have not given anything specific that the woman has done to us readers of your question.  If you approach him the way you have here, I can understand how he might not know exactly what you are talking about or maybe get somewhat frustrated.  I would imagine that he loves both of you and has to listen to both sides of the story.  If you were a little more specific about your issues maybe you could get more advice.