How do you separate from an outgrown friendship?

Question

ok so i've known this girl since we were 14 (im 24 now)...she always had this crazy type personality which worked when we were younger but now im finding since coming home from college that i've changed but she has stayed the same. negative at times, very vindictive, anger management issues...and constantly has some drama going on.

I on the other hand...am positive, forgiving/forgetting, drama free and all about changing for the better. so i find it hard to relate to her anymore and even harder to share new experiences in my life with her. She's very present in my life now not so much by choice but because i'm too nice and because she lives and works so close to my home. she has no idea i feel this way and still thinks we're cool and considers me like family.

so my question is how do i deal with this person...it just feels like an obligation to still be friends with her. part of me feels like if i abruptly end are friendship she would become vindictive towards me... she's also the type that never lets things go.

Answer 1

I think many of us if not all of us have had friendships we have outgrown. child hood friendships are the hardest to say good-bye to because there is so much history to them.

Usually i would say honesty is the best policy but if she is as vindictive as you say she is the last headache you want is her drama of rumor starting or her spouting off your secrets that you entrusted in her.

your not obligated to be her friend anymore. if things aren't working and her attitude sucks, and she is not the kind of person you like, then that is your choice. it is nice that your nice to her because stooping to her level is never okay, and if she has no clue that anything is wrong than she probably thinks her behavior is okay. you can use your discretion and tell her that her attitude sucks and if everything in her life is okay? if she says its all good, then just tell her you don't know how much more you can take.

since you are 24 years old. its a lot easier to just let things dwindle. since you are a nice person be civil to her when you see her, but do not go out of your way to get together, or anything like that. if she asks you to do something just tell her your busy. go out and meet new friends who are more your kind of people and share your values and morals, and hang with them. she will also eventually do the same and that way there is no bitter ending. it just ended on its own accord.

these of course are just some suggestions and i hope i have helped you a little bit. good luck and take care.