How do you separate yourself form someone who is causing you so much pain (in your heart)?

Question

I am a proud heterosexual, (love sports, Brazilian models, & shoot 'em up movies), man - and I'm not afraid to say I've had my heart shredded and thrown away like used toilet paper. I've been used by ways of manipulation and selfish intentions. I've been betrayed by my best friend and lover just to satisfy her ego. This person hurt me in a way that is unforgivable. I know this now but didn't know it then. My pride and ego is bruised for life and I just can't let it go. This my own personal h**l right now. I want to know why but we all know I'll never know why. So, how do I.... how can I stop the pain? How do I move on? For all of you divorcees out there, how do you separate yourself from someone you committed yourself to and trusted with your secrets and fears and confided in? What is the process... I guess it's easier for some people but not for me. I don't even recognize myself anymore.

Oh, and that saying... "time heals all wounds"? that's b.s.

Answer 1

it is a b.s. it doesn't heal everything u know...

but u can start by throwing all her stuff. her information and w.e happened to u guyz(i meant good memories and bad)(the worst one is hard...)

then find a new hobbies u can do to relax u and take ur mind away of something. so u can think about ur pain less.

u can also talk to ur friends or families that u r close to, and maybe they can help u. don't close the door on them when they are trying to help. let them in so they can help u.

and if u still think about the pain a lot like everyday or every hour or so...stop doing it, it's not gonna help u. try focusing back on YOUR life(as a single~~~!!)  

Answer 2

time heals nothing,put the ego down, quit blaming yourself for it,the way to make it easier is to actually face it,and see it for what it is.see her for what she is.its going to hurt, and the pain has to be gone through, its the only way u will feel better. the pain will mature u. most people have felt the same hurt in their lifetime, and u think u will never get through it but u do.you can't control others,or what they do,the only one u can control is yourself. its not what is done to u that matters its how u choose to handle it.let go of whats been done to u, because its not about u, or anything u did, its something within her and u will get through it, find a friend, or family m,ember u can talk to, also a self help therapy group can help u, because there u will find others who have been there and done that. its hard to see your loved one as someone who had it in them to destroy u like they did,because she was your love, u thought u had a future with her, but time will not take away the pain but it does ease the pain.the pain is a friend, the pain is what will mature u and allow u to move on, give it some time, don't put your life on hold for someone who obviously didn't love or respect u.

Answer 3

I was with a man who was my friend, lover and boyfriend for over a decade and at the end he took advantage of me while I was dealing with cancer and then discarded me like a piece of trash. So I can understand why you are upset and why it is so hard for you to move on.

I found it is difficult to heal when you are still thinking about them, while trying to understand what had happened. If you can't get resolution from them, then you need to provide yourself some sort of resolution. It could be a simple as we grew apart. Then systematically find ways to put her and your relationship out of your mind.

What helped me heal from what had happened was to throw myself into a personal project that kept my mind busy all the time, so I stopped thinking about him. Plus I placed a rubber band around my wrist and anytime I thought about him, I would snap it and tell myself no I will not rehash the past anymore, similar technique are used for breaking other bad habits.

Its been three months and I can say safely I am over what had happened and I can think about the past without it hurting me.

Answer 4

If you were really in love...it's not easy.  Time doesn't necessarily heal the wounds...but in time, the way you deal with the pain will usually change.

The time when that happens varies a great deal from person to person.

I won't bore you with all the details, but I was married for over 10 years to someone I adored, who adored me as well.  For reasons I won't go into here (feel free to read past answers if you want details) - our marriage ended, and our lives were ripped to shreds...

It took me an entire year to work through the grieving- for months, I went to work, put my life back together from below 0, but woke up in the middle of the night and cried for an hour or two until I exhausted myself and fell back asleep.

I spent many hours battling with the anger vs. the anguish.

I wanted to just hate him and be done with it.

However, I also didn't want to become an angry, bitter person and lose myself in the process, which is what I could feel happening.

That angered me more than anything.

The turning point for me was when I became so angry and upset one night, and the thought went thru my mind...I wish this whole thing involved death - then it would just be over, and I wouldn't have to make any choices...

And in the same moment, the other thought came...how very horrible...to NOT have any choice...

And, in that moment, I realized that I could allow his actions to change me for the worse, into someone I did not want to be...or I could look back into our relationship, and pick the things I wanted to keep, and let the rest go.

Was it quick?  No.

Simple? No.

Possible?  Only after I had allowed myself to cry and punch pillows and scream and stomp a whole lot.

So vent your frustrations...and try to find some friends and people to talk to and spend time with.  Go places even when you don't feel like it, just to be around some people who make you laugh and distract you.

It may only distract you for a couple of hours, but that counts.

You'll have good days, and days from h**l.

Then, one day, you'll realize you made it through a whole day when she didn't cross your mind, or even if she did, you didn't feel sad or angry about it.

They'll happen more often.

Hang in there...you'll make it...because if you don't, you'll have let her win.:p

Seriously...you can make it, and you'll find yourself once you start sorting thru the wreckage.