How do you sift through the lies to find the truth about lineage?

Question

I am trying to do a family tree, but I am getting "untrue" info from different relatives. My mom hasn't been honest about who my dad is (she told me it was the one named on my birth certificate, but he was away in the service, not even in the same country for a year before I was born. He came back a few months after my birth. I am no medical expert, but I think that his being my dad is not possible, and he agrees). My grandpa won't be straight with me as to who his dad is (he told me like three different versions over the years), my grandma has given me numerous stories as to our country of origin and who her dad is, and the list goes on.

Am I destined to never know the truth about my family history, or is there a way that I can sift through the lies and barriers that people intentionally put up to keep me from finding the truth out? I think I have a right to know my own history. My mom says it isn't MINE, it's HERS, and to mind my own business.

I really want the truth.

Answer 1

Basic genealogy research is normally worked with records and documents, and what they determine or show.  When you are STARTING research, many of the records you need (ie brith/death certificates) are only authorized to certain persons.

In technical terms, if you are talking to a living person (ie, grandpa) he has the right to tell you what he chooses. Same for grandma. At a point where you know who is recorded as their parents, then that can be worked back for finding the country of origin, since it will be in records.

When it comes to your own record (your birth certificate), as long as you are a minor, mom is legally accurate that she has the authority related to what she wants to tell you. Authority is a legal term.. and something not the same as "right", which is moral.  What we don't know, is what her reasons are.. sometimes parents are protecting kids, sometimes not. Nothing can be done about false names on birth certificates. This is becoming very common, sadly.. and except for dna tests, very hard to get through. For dna testing.. one, you have to be an adult, and two, you need to have a clue as to who the right person IS, to make any comparisons.

I agree that people want to know facts, but those may be held back, until you are an adult (or even more). This is hard, but while you still are depending on the info you are TOLD, not much can be done about it.

Answer 2

You've identified the essence of family history research.  The only information of worth is objective information, confirmed to be true - BUT, many have alternate agendas that drive them to guard, hide, or twist the information you seek.  Another issue on the other side is that many also romantically misinform by embellishing their histories.  The irony is, though, that sometimes you have to trust your "instincts" in moving forward on hunches, learning in bits and pieces, to lead you to the truth.  You're to be applauded for insisting on that, because passing along "junk" to YOUR descendants will be a story, not the truth.  

Put together what you can, and keep searching - but also know that some people will never share the truth with you, whether to protect themselves, or, in their mind, to protect you.  I personally prefer the truth, but everyone isn't always prepared to face the truth, and prefer their own fabricated world as a way of dealing with past misjudgment or bad decision-making.  Pray for them to grow in maturity in their judgment.

It would be a simple process to confirm whether your father is indeed your biological father.  But it sounds like that is an unnecessary expense.  I have found in my research that the more relatives I included in my research, the more the truth tended to come out.

All the best to you in discovering your heritage.

If it is any solace to you - do remember too, though, that "we are all related".  If you go back just 10 generations, there are over 1000 grandparents who came together to "make up you".  If you go back only 20 generations (about 600 years) you'll have over 1 Million.  And going back just 900 years will include over 100 Million grandparents. And of course, that is only a small fraction of humankind's history.   Simply amazing, and reminding us that we are indeed our brother's keeper.  We are all one family.

Whether we know our earthly father or not, there is no doubt of our Heavenly Father - who loves you more than you know and wants the best for you each and every moment of your life.  Reach out to Him and He will provide the completeness that others won't, and ultimately can't, provide.

Peace

Answer 3

I am sorry to say that if your mom was willing to lie on a gov't document (ie: your birth certificate) and has already lied to you, I honestly don't see the truth ever coming out.