How do you stand up for yourself when your husband treats you like a child?

Question

When I do something that my husband thinks is not the best way to do things, he feels the need to lecture. When I am running late for something that involves him, too, he gets a really hard edge to him and starts rushing me around (even if it's just a couple of minutes and doesn't really matter). He feels the need to teach me how to deal with my anxiety disorder even though I'm in therapy and am doing pretty well on my own. He also worries that I will gain weight and looks and the calories on some of the things I'm eating and looks appalled if I overeat one day (I'm at the high end of normal, but I'm not overweight now). We're working on our relationship, so my question is how do I stand up for myself when he's doing these things? He honestly thinks he's being helpful most of the time and becomes pretty offended if I tell him to stop. That just makes our relationship a little worse for the day. But I am SO tired of it.

Answer 1

He probably does feel he's being helpful. But the difference between him and those who really are being honestly helpful is that he's not really doing it for you. He's doing it for himself, acting on his own fears about his own adequacy and worth. In short, he's got a very poor self-image, and it give him a false sense of worth to cast you as someone who much worse that he has to do for you.

Now, that's his problem, but you're also probably exactly the worst kind of partner for him because you aren't going to challenge him on it. The goal here is for you to become someone who does not need to feel like you need to be directed and abused. It will take time and work. Maybe you can do it while you're with him. Maybe not. And he may not change when you do. His response to you gaining self-worth may well be to up the abuse in a desperate attempt to maintain his messed up need to feel good about himself. Often, when someone gets themselves well, they find they have no use for such a partner.

Those are you choices. Embark on the effort, considering that it might be two to five years work, or remain miserable. It's all up to you.  

Answer 2

Communication,tell him what you have expressed in this question and let him know how it makes you feel. Then suggest some better ways the situation can be handled.Example: Please be a little more patient with me, please don't don't me,let him know that you appreciate his opion but pressuring you is not the answer,it you cannot break through suggest you both do some counseling together.

Answer 3

Thats an easy one!

Serve him divorce papers

Answer 4

What I don't understand is why you are implying that it is somehow better for you to be offended than for him to be offended.  When he lectures, it is offensive to you; when you point it out, that is offensive to him.  It makes no sense that you should accept being offended and not stand up for yourself.  Tell your husband that his behavior is offensive and to please quit it.  Then, stop putting up with it.  If he gets offended, oh well, that's his problem.  I'm sure your therapist would agree that assertiveness in relationships can be an antidote to anxiety.

Answer 5

Give him a spanking.

Answer 6

Get some back bone and start sticking up for yourself, he won't stop it unless you tell him!!

Next time he says something, say "Shut the F*** UP and do it your damself!" he should get the point!

And start critqueing him as well!

Answer 7

Talk to him.  Seek professional help and if that doesn't work then move on and found a man to be your partner your friend.