How do you stop a husband from telling lies?

Question

My husband is a great guy, but he is not flawless. He lies to me instead of telling the truth because he doesn't want to deal with me being upset. All he is doing is prolonging the agony because quite often he lies about things that inevitably are going to surface. I have a big issue with trust as it is and have explained to him that it is vital he tells me the truth. I may be initially upset about things, but I can deal with it and at least I would feel like I am getting some respect from him.

Answer 1

you can't make anyone do anything.  that is his choice.  you both should go to marriage counseling, however, if it were me....

before counseling i would have already trained myself to expect the lies, his word would hold no weight with me, and i'd have little respect for him.  that would push us into counseling.

and at counseling i'd tell him i felt disrespected because he isn't giving me an opportunity to use my own mind and deal with issues like a big girl.  i'd be upset because he doesn't trust me with the truth.  in counseling, i'd realize that i don't trust him either.  it's not just him causing a problem, but me, that also has issues with trust weighing heavily on the marriage.

you both have to work at it.  

good luck

Answer 2

Cut off his tongue, LOL I don't think you can stop someone from lying... I think you can ask them not to do it and if they love you they will.... Of course you can start lying yourself and see how he likes it and then maybe make a compromise (you won't lie if he won't lie)...

Answer 3

If he's a compulsive liar, some sort of counseling could maybe help, but I doubt it.

One of my ex's is a compulsive liar, and then our son happens to be this way too.  I really don't think they even realize their doing it.  When confronted with their lies, Even if you have proof right there in your hand, they have a lie for it.

Learn to deal  or distance yourself from the relationship.

Answer 4

I'm not sure it would work, but I know what I would try.  I would try treating all of his statements as though they are lies, until he gets really annoyed.  For example, you ask him, "Are you hungry?"  If he says yes, dump the leftovers in the trash.  When he asks why, tell him in a matter of fact tone of voice that you were naturally assuming that he was lying and that he really was not hungry.  Apply it to every single thing he says for as long as it takes for him to get to the point where he is ready to open up a serious dialog with you about his habitual lying.

Answer 5

tell you husband that you are pleased of what he is doing by hiding from anything in order not to hurt you BUT it is wrong...

IT IS BETTER THAT YOUR HUSBAND WILL TELL YOU THE TRUTH RATHER THAN LYING MOST OF THE TIME....

i think if he does this most of the time, i don't think it benefits you but it benefits him....

i value TRUST and how can you both have a good relationship if the both of you can't trust each other????

Answer 6

You cannot stop him from lying.  Only he can control that.  You admittedly have trust issues.  If you are prone to flying off the handle about things because of it then this is probably why he is lying.  Especially if you've gone off when he's told the truth in the past.  I'm not saying that it's justifiable to lie, only that this may be the root cause he's using.  You might consider getting into counseling to try and get to the bottom of your trust issues.  He should join you as well so the two of you can work out a relationship dynamic that works for you both.

Answer 7

It sounds as though he has issues with conflicts, more than issues with telling the truth.  He is doing whatever he feels necessary to avoid fighting with you, in his mind he is trying to avoid the conflict by telling you what he feels you need to hear.  I would advise counseling for you both, this is not only his problem but yours also.  You may have anger issues that causes him to want to avoid the conflicts.  Give it some thought, I have the same issues with my wife, she some times goes off the deep end and screams and yells, so I try to soften the action by telling her what she needs to hear at that moment.  Good luck.

Answer 8

the way you react to other things will determin weather he stops lieing or not, when I was in the first years of my marrage, I would lie too, this was because my wife like most persons of the female order, was very emotional about most things, the last thing I wanted was for her to go off on a tangent. So I would twist the trueth some what. After our fifteenth wedding anivers. something very big happended and I had to come out with the truth as you said, it always finds its way to the serface. After this incodent, I told my wife that I would never lie to her again, i would always tell her the truth even if I thought it may upset her, we would deel with that later, that is how it has been for the last seven years, and it has been awsome.

You will determine weather he has the guts to be upfront..

Albert  

Answer 9

You can't "get" him to stop, it's his head.  He has to choose to tell the truth.

I'm curious to know about your s*x life... are you both satisfied?  If he is not, are you telling him "the truth" about your feelings and his relation to your feelings?  

I have found that women are occasionally "unable" to relate truth to their sexual feelings... they cannot or will not explain how/why they are not interested in s*x.  Or, they just lie about it.  This apparent lack of logic causes men to conclude that women do not play by rules that men can understand.

Answer 10

Sometimes it's not only his fault that he's lying to you. My bf does the same thing because he doesn't want to have to explain himself all the time to me. You can either overlook it and try to believe what he says, or you can change a bit and not get angry/needy over certain things. I'm sure you'll see the difference once you change.

Answer 11

You can't. If someone is inherently dishonest, then that is something THEY need to correct in their own behavior. Your only options are to leave him, or agree to accept his dishonesty. I'm sorry - I hope, for your sake and his, he wakes up and starts telling you the truth about things.

Answer 12

You can't change a man's habits. I understand what you are saying. He should be honest with you, but more than likely he never will and you can make yourself crazy by trying to get him to change.

Answer 13

You've answered you own question,  He lies 'cause you freak out over the truth.  

Honestly, we'd LIKE to be able to tell you the truth, but don't need / want the grief that goes along with it.

As usual, you girls ask for "respect" but rarely accord us any, as (according to you) we should run EVERY thought and decision by you, just in case it is not quite in line with the way the world should rotate around your existence.

Answer 14

How do you stop anyone from lying? It's almost impossible, sorry

Answer 15

You can't make him do anything he does not want to do. If he does not want to be honest with you.... he won't.  Now.... you need to ask yourself this.......... Am I going to put up with a relationship that has no foundation of trust....... when that is what a relationship is based on?

Answer 16

The only way is to stop asking questions.  And let's face it you do want him to lie.   For example when you ask,

Am i fat? Would you really want him to say "Well you are starting to get a little pudgy" or would you rather he do the thing that all men have learned to do, "No babe, you look great."

My feeling is that you get upset a lot, and it has worn him down, so he has just chosen to tell you what you want to hear and deals with things himself.  Every man does this, we don't like to see our women upset and crying, we just don't like it.  And for us it is better to lie then deal with you being upset.

Suggestion to you, is to train yourself to not get upset about every little thing that goes wrong or doesn't happen.  Only get upset about the important things and he may eventually realize that it's alright to tell you things, and that you can handle it without falling apart.

Answer 17

Welcome to marriage!! Honey, we do it all the time, including me!!!

Eventually, my husband will find out, but I have a way of making it all better, if you know what I mean!!!!

I have a way of making him forgive me and then he is a lot more calmer to deal with it.

16 years of marriage and it still works!!!!!!

Honey, nobody is perfect, not even you, if you want a "flawless husband", then look elsewhere.

JMO and only JMO.