How do you stop a pathological liar from destroying your life?

Question

My ex-husband is an amazing liar (pathological, believes his own lies). He's really good at it and can come across as Mr. Christian. I've tried ignoring, but he hasn't stopped. I'm tired of him trying to damage my reputation, etc. He is really vindictive. I recently confronted him...even presented text messages from him to he and his new wife...trying to get him to knock it off. It caught him in a huge lie to her and me. She's defending him...and he's now telling every one I won't go away or move on. I just want him to stop...why does he say he wants me to move on and grow the f up (his words)...when he continually starts this stuff. ?? I'm so confused on how to handle this. I want to ignore it, but am so afraid that people will believe it. We do have two children together. I am remarried...want to move on. How do I end this cycle?

Answer 1

Don't respond in anny way what so ever to his mext lie or any after it. He is doning this to get you upset. that is his purpose in doing it. so if you don't react to it you are not giving him the ammo to shoot you down with. just talk about the kids and do what you have to do with that and have nothing more to say to him. if you dont respond to his lies they have no power. when you react you give him the power. don't do it.

Answer 2

Ignore it.  Only interact when it comes to the children and nothing else.  Refuse to engage him, which obviously isn't working so far, so why continue?

Answer 3

It is incredibly difficult when we feel like someone else has control over our lives.  I sympathize with the fact that you are forced to deal with this person for the rest of your lives because you have children together.  Otherwise, this would be a lot simpler wouldn't it?  You could just walk away.  Given that circumstances are what they are, I would say the best thing for you to remember is a saying that I often call upon in times of frustration:  Learning what we CAN control may save our lives.  You can only be responsible for yourself.  Worrying and fretting over what he says or does in regards to you or your reputation will get you NOWHERE.  Each lie he tells baits you, and you, thus far, have taken the bait.  When I was young, my father and mother divorced after my father had an affair (a fact I learned only after becoming an adult).  My father spent a great deal of time with his new wife talking my mother down and making me and my sister feel small.  My mother, to her credit, never (NEVER) engaged in this battle.  She would clear up any questions we had about circumstances, but would never besmirch my father's character, which I imagine was ridiculously hard when he and my step-mother would jump on any opportunity to treat my mother poorly or bad-mouth her to any and every one who would listen.  My point is this...Growing up, I couldn't decipher what was true and what wasn't.  I found myself confused and feeling bad on a regular basis.  But never because of my mother.  Only because of my father.  And as I grew up, I began to understand things more clearly and fully and cannot tell you how grateful I am for my mother's restraint.  I respect her more than I can tell you.  She knew that in leaving my father, she was getting what she wanted, but taking something from us and she was not going to let us continue to be hurt by her decision if she could help it in any way.  She wisely recognized that talking about our father was also saying something about us because we are part of him.  She never wanted to hurt us that way - and never did.  My advice?  Keep the kids out of it to the extent that you are able.  Don't engage with this person unless it's a matter of life and death (or danger to yourself, your new husband or your children) - but try to start recognizing what is and isn't worth your time with this guy.  And if you need to seek an outside perspective, do it.  If your ex is willing, it would be a great idea to get therapy together so that you can peacefully and effectively co-parent the children you created together.  Good luck.  You have your work cut out for you!  

Answer 4

you gotta move on for both your children's & your own sake.

Answer 5

You can't change him  Your true friends won't believe him.  Try moving to a new area if you can't ignore it.  

Answer 6

Have as little contact as possible (understandably you will have to deal with him due to your children) - keep it civil for your kids' sakes.  

Answer 7

Stop talking to these people! Move away! Avoid them and have nothing to do with him if you can. You are better off and so are your kids!  

Answer 8

IGGGGGNOR HIM and move on , I  am sure people other than his new wife knows he is a liar. Only keep your conversations to him about the children.  Never let him have any thing other than the least amount of info regarding anything, this will keep his ability to keep making lies about you to a minimum.

Answer 9

It's hard to ignore him as others tell you to. He is your kids dad. I think maybe the best way to deal with it is to avoid any confrontations with him in front of the kids. Your new spouse is supposed to help  be your support. Avoid being alone with him when the kids are picked up or dropped off or do it in a public place where there may be witnesses. I heard of someone of meeting the ex outside the local police department in case they were needed. Make sure to show those kids your love and truthfulness and hopefully they will see through his lies. You could also get a pfa if needed.

Answer 10

buy a lie detector kit on ebay

Answer 11

kill him lol =) or move away and start a new life

I HAVE SPOKEN!!!!

lol sorry i know this is a serious question but im only 13 and im hyper sooo yah

yay move away start a new life in a new state away from him or just dont worry about it and start dating  

Answer 12

Perhaps you can change your cell phone number to stop the text harrassment.  I understand that you have two kids together so you can't change all phone numbers.  Unfortunately, I don't think there is much you can do.  Ignoring him seems like the best possible way to stop his b.s. with you.  If things are too out of control, you could call the police.  If he is inflicting slander on you, that's illegal.  Good luck.

Answer 13

Well first of all, quit responding when he does that stuff. ANY response you give, he will take it and turn it around on you. A dirty look, a text, a voicemail, a phone call, anything. Maybe try having your new husband speak with him. He will at lease know your side and can explain to the ex what it is you want to happen. Pathological lying, if diagnosed and approached in the right way, may actually be grounds for a judge to look into his parental abilities. If you have a lawyer, speak with them. Or, if it's worth the money to you, find a lawyer to consult, see what they tell you you can do about it, and let him know that if he doesn't get his behavior under control, that you will pursue whatever the lawyer tells you to do. Even if the lawyer says there isn't a lot you can do, I don't think that stretching the truth just a bit would be out of the question in a situation like this. Good luck!

Answer 14

Maybe he likes your reaction.  Try reacting differently in case you are reinforcing it.  Try ignoring it.  At times it gets worse before it gets better because he will get pretty angry.  It takes patience, courage and creativity.  People will catch on eventually if you don't feed into his behaviors.  Most rational people will see that your husband sure spends a lot of energy trying to bash you rather than focus on his children and himself.  

Answer 15

The only way to stop his verbal and emotional attacks is to stop responding. I know it's easier said than done, especially when you're afraid people will believe him. But seeing him for the sad, desperate fool he is and just disengaging (like a mother deliberately ignoring her two-year old's tantrum) is the best thing you can do to keep your sanity - and reputation. Keep going out to the local hangouts, church, parties, whatever. Just get your face out there and sine with happiness. People will respect you and suspect he's a liar if you always seem to be level-headed and never stoop to his level by talking badly about him.

Answer 16

You have to wait for his wife to see him for that.  Until she realizes he is a stupid liar, she will stay on his side.

Answer 17

How to stop a pathological liar from destroying your life?

Stop watching the evening news.