How do you stop being on the defense all the time? ?

Question

For a long time, I have always been really defensive, for at least the past 5-6 years...and I know why and all...but how do you stop being a defensive person? How can you calm your nerves from exploding in someone's face when you think they are getting too much into your business but they really aren't? How do you stop feeling like people are trying to change you into something they want when they don't really understand that you are just defensive and it seems like you are just overemotional? How do you stop feeling like people are being bossy and selfish when they are really just telling you what they want to do and aren't expecting to do what you want to do? What do you do when you can't say no for fear of clashing negatively with someone?

I know those are a lot of questions, but they do all apply to me and so I'm wanting to know your opinionss.

Answer 1

I know how you feel girl.

1. Accept that you are a defensive person, because that is the nature you were born with. However, also accept the fact that you need to control this defensiveness. Don't let anyone mess with you, but don't be up in everybody's face all the time.

2. Whenever you get really angry, count as high as you can, as fast as you can. It really helps.

3. If you can't communicate calmly through verbal communication, try writing it down. Giving a letter to someone really helps. (DO NOT DO IT ONLINE. ITS TOO QUICK AND YOU HAVE TO TIME TO THINK!)

4. Put yourself in other people's shoes, and look at things from every perspective.

5.Compromisee!

Good lucK!

Answer 2

usually people are defensive because they know that whatever the other person is saying might be true in someways. I think that once you accept yourself for who you are, others will too! You will feel great about yourself and no one can take that away from you.

Answer 3

I feel this way sometimes too, I always am afraid to say no, just so i can avoid a problem I don't like conflicts and find myself shaping my personality around the people I hang out with, even if it's not what i like or what I believe in. Try and open up a little with yourself and others. I've found that explaining my feelings and reactions helps me understand why I'm feeling that way at a certain moment. When I'm about to disagree with someone I like to open up (even though it's hard) to let the other person know how I feel. This establishes an open channel of communication and sometimes helps me to communicate better with others and understand what it is they're trying to do. It doesn't always work though, but I've started to learn that I can't agree with everyone, no matter how hard I try. I believe its a matter of learning to be a little more open. Eventually you get to know yourself and others better.  

Answer 4

Being defensive is a habit that usually comes about as a result of a true need to be defensive.  

Perhaps you need to put some distance between yourself and some people who are getting too much into your personal business and who are trying to change you.  And once you don't have to deal with people like that anymore.  Then it will become easy for you to drop your defensive posture with everyone.  Because you won't have any need for such a posture anymore.

Answer 5

Are you related to me? LOL...first of all, it's your lack of self esteem that is causing you all of this heartache. It's your love for everyone that let's everyone walk all over you. It's your heart of hearts that just wants to know why people can't love one another. Going from there, you need to change self. Changing self is hard because you don't understsand why it's you that has to change and not all of these other people that have influence on your life. But you know, it's gonna have to start in your ball park. I don't know your age, but if your in the range take a non credited college course in Behavior Management or I think it is called an Anger Management Course. This course teaches you how to talk to others without being defensive, yet getting your point accross. If you can see the meaning that I'm getting at, its the same as you said above. People are telling you what they want you to do, yet you don't think they mean do it, they are just suggesting. Once again, you are looking at communication problems. If you have, which I wasn't for sure how to take the "nerves exploding in someone's face" an anger problem, talk to your doc about getting some anti depressents. These are not a cure per say, they are to help you stay calmer while you are working on your problems....Good Luck and God Bless.....by the way, if you are a believer, don't forget to have God help you while your refreshing and updating the real you.....

Answer 6

I wish I had an answer to give you, you sound a lot like me. I know what you're feeling.... I guess I am not alone feeling like that. I will keep checking back at the answers you get. ♥