How do you stop having pride of your belongings/ yourself?

Question

Pride is one of the 7 deadly sins. I recently did some inner searching and realized that maybe the reason why I don't get along with my mother in law is that she has envy because my husband and I have pride. We're proud that we have a nice house, a decent income, nice belongings, we take care of ourselves,etc. My husband's mother gets on my nerves because she's feeding off of our pride in our nice lifestyle. I realize in order to get rid of her annoyances, something has to be done on my part. I don't talk with her, but we communicate with each other through my husband (stupid, I know, but she's not open or welcoming).

So how do I start over with her? How do I stop hating her so badly too? I guess you need the reasons why I hate her:

-she has no manners, doesn't give us notice when she comes over

-she expects favors out of my husband including: remodeling her house for free and babysitting his sisters for free

-she makes rude comments about what we have and how we spend

-she treats my daughter like she's hers

-she judges my relationship with my mother and concluded that my mother hates me and says nasty things behind my back to my mother on the phone

She's not a good person, i try to look past that and be civil, but it's next to impossible. I want to be the better person (not out of pride) But it's hard!

Answer 1

Just acknowledge that what was given to you can be taken away.  If that doesn't humble you then i don't know what to tell you.  

Something are ok to have pride in. . .like your son finishes school. . .that can't be taken away.  

Answer 2

She's sick in the head. Avoid her.  

Answer 3

First of all, it's okay to enjoy the things you've worked hard for.  Yes, pride is a sin... but it's okay to be proud when you accomplish something you've worked for.  

You can't stop being proud of how hard you've worked to provide a nice life for your child.  You don't have to rub it in your Mother In Law's face... But simply doing the best you can with what you've got is no reason to feel bad.  If she's hostile and angry because she doesn't have those things, then it's her fault.  So don't put it in her face and point out how nice your home is compared to hers or how much you make... But don't let her make you feel bad about being happy and doing well.

As for the laundry list of things you hate about her... I can go through those one by one.

~Call her DIRECTLY (don't go through hubby anymore!) And tell her that she is not welcome over unless she calls first.  (And talk with your husband.  He needs to be on board with this and support you with this.)

~If your husband doesn't WANT to do these things for her, then HE needs to tell her.  Don't hate her because she expects him to do these things... encourage him to tell her NO.

~Tell her when she makes these rude comments that you can afford it and you're happy with your home.  Simply point out that you're not living beyond your means and that your budget is just fine, thank you.  What you and your husband buy for your home and family is none of her business.  Your budget should be between the two of you, as long as you're not asking her for help.  (And it sounds like you're not asking for her help, which means you're fine.)

~Make sure she knows that YOU are your daughter's mother.  NOT her.  This is incredibly important... talk with your daughter about how SHE feels about her grandmother's actions.  When it comes down to it, you're the mom and there should be no confusion about this.  Be assertive.

~Talk to your mother.  Tell her you love her and that you feel this woman is interfering with your relationship together.  Tell her not to listen to the back stabbing and gossip.  That if you have something you need to talk to her about you will always come to her and will never ask someone to step in.  That you trust her and want HER to be your mother... not this mother-in-law.  Just make sure your mother knows how you feel and that you love her and trust her...

Yes, not being prideful and boastful can be difficult when you're proud of things that you've accomplished... You CAN be the better person by not letting her get to you, being assertive, and continue providing the best life for your family that you can without rubbing it in her face.  Simply enjoying your life is NOT rubbing it in her face... so you're doing nothing wrong.

She may feel threatened by you, and that's why she would turn the weight loss into a competition.  You're her son's wife.  Some mom's find it very hard when their kids grow up... and you're the leading lady in her son's life... that's who she used to be.  You can be respectful and understanding of these feelings without letting it hurt you.

I want to assure you again that you have DONE NOTHING WRONG.  You're doing what you're supposed to be doing and don't deserve to be made to feel bad about it.  If you stick up for yourself, and your husband sticks up for you and his-self, and her behavior continues, then I suggest removing yourself from the situation.  Don't stress over what she thinks or what she does.  Let your husband decide his own relationship with his mother but make it clear that you do not want to continue it if these behaviors continue.  Make sure you let him know that it's not a reflection of anything he's done wrong or of how you feel about him, but that you think it's important for your FAMILY that you no longer subject yourself to it.  Explain why.

If you are assertive and her behaviors stop, then you can start creating a relationship with her with a new slate... which is what you want.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck and I hope things get better for you!