How do you stop your child whom you love more than words could ever begin to describe?

Question

And you've worked hard to provide(On your own)them with a decent home filled with for the most part happiness and warmth,shown them that if they want to get anywhere in life,they have to work hard and put their all into it,given them most material things they've felt the need to own or wanted,provided in your eyes not only a mother but a friend and a confidant and someone who would never ever not be there for them,no matter what the cost? Stop them....From throwing their lives away and mixing with the lowest form of scumbags the planet has to offer? My daughter seems to be transfixed with losers,drop outs and general scum and it's breaking my heart. She seems to shun anyone worth knowing and makes a bee-line for "friends" that you know and have seen abuse not only her but her home and the people in it. I am terrified for her future as she seems to be on a path of self destruction. CAN ANYONE OUT THERE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE AND I LOSE HER COMPLETELY??

Answer 1

You need to practise tough love. You've given her everything, and she won't appreciate it until she has to earn everything herself.  

Answer 2

I was exactly the sam as your daughter. My Mums nagging only pushed me further away.

Let her know gently that you don't like her friends but it's her life. She'll come around when she realises they're all using her.

Be there to pick up the pieces, but DON'T badmouth them when you're consoling her.

Good luck.

Answer 3

As a very famous woman judge is fond of telling people, "children start life as a blank sheet of paper, and their values and beliefs are acquired from their parents who exercise the greatest influence over their lives", and to a lesser extent schools and religion, if they are allowed to, parents appear to assume that their offspring will follow the correct path and automatically know right from wrong,  as you have found out, this is not so, your daughter needs to be told in plain terms that while she lives under your roof, she will treat you and your property with respect, and you alone,  will decide which visitors are welcome in your home, which will exclude any form of low life.

When she has her own home she may decide who she entertains, but until then she does not have the right to tell you what standards are acceptable in your household, as you fund it not her, we live in a democracy not a dictatorship, .

Answer 4

From your question I can tell that you love your daughter very much, but the way she's acting leaves me wondering if she has any self-esteem issues and why she thinks that she doesn't deserve better friends. On the other hand, she could be the type of person that sees something good in these people and wants to help them. Many of my friends in high school were considered losers, but that made me identify with them more and feel sorry for them.

I think perhaps you should ask your daughter more about her friends and find out what made them friends in the first place. Then maybe you will be able to better counsel her about behavioral boundaries without sounding like you are trying to choose her friends for her. Teenagers try to be independent, so tread carefully and good luck.

Answer 5

I know you wish you could take her bumps and broken hearts for her to spare her from hurting but this is one you don't have any say in. She is looking for the bad boy as so many girls do. The one thing they overlook is if he looks like a duck, walks like a duck, he is a duck. Girls see only this picture of what they want to see. She is going to have to go through this one herself unless you can find a hit man, you have to let go Mom.

Answer 6

WOW, if I didn't know any better, I'd think that I wrote this question myself. I wish I had the answer, but I'm still searching myself. PLEASE if you do find something that works, let me know. I know first hand that it has to be tearing you apart.

Answer 7

Try reverse psychology. What ever she does you do. Take her shopping and steal some things. Get some beers and/or drugs and get totally wasted. Have s*x with random boys.

She will soon think those things are "uncool" and stop doing them.