How do you talk to your Daughter after 14 years ?

Question

I lost contact with my Daughter for 12 1/2 years, Thanks to yahoo answers I found her in Nov. 2006. She & I have phone called or e-mailed at least once a week ever since....She will spend 2 weeks with me in September. She has been told I abandoned her (by mom) after I spent around 5000.00 in court for visitation. How do I tell her the truth without being negative about her mother?

Answer 1

tell her the truth

just start off by saying, " i dont want you to think i just abandoned you, because i didnt, i spent a lot of money trying to get visitation but i was unsuccessful, i am so sorry, and i hope we can continue to build on our relationship"

something along those lines

i cannot help but think, that she doesnt think that matters as she is communicating with you and most of all, coming to stay for 2 weeks, that is not the action of someone who carries a grudge, so i would only bring it up if you feel its necessary

sounds like a happy ending to me, i am so happy

good luck to you and your daughter

Answer 2

This is something that is VERY hard. I went though this with my parents. My mom talked really bad about my dad. Now that I am older my dad has told me a lot more but he NEVER talked bad about my mother. I think you should tell her the truth but refrain from speaking poorly about the mom. I think that will show her who is the more mature parent. At least it did to me. If there are things you feel you can't tell her, tell her there are things you will tell her when she is older. Speak the truth and tell her no matter what you hear, know I always loved and cared for you!

Answer 3

Give this young lady your side of the story.  You can do so without badmouthing her mother.  You must remain the adult in the situation and even if things do get emotional do not be afraid to allow you emotions to run free.  12.5 years is a long time between seeing each other and you are certainly going to want to get caught up on what has gone on and you've missed in her life.  Ensure that she is aware of how hard you have been searching for her also.  Christ stranger things have happened maybe you and your ex may even become friends once again.  Best of luck.

Answer 4

It's great you have found each other.  Does her mother know you have been talking?  If not, you both should come clean.  This secret would be a big burden for your daughter to carry.  

Maybe you should have a heart to heart with her mom.  She has probably changed a lot since you broke up.  Hear her side and let her know that you'd like to have a relationship with your daughter.  Maybe she'd even be the one to come clean to your daughter!

Maybe have her mom come out with her so she's more comfortable with it all.  With mom's support, this will put less stress on your daughter, and she'll have a better time.  

You can tell your daughter the truth to a certain extent...be careful not to pit your daughter against her mom.   This could backfire.  Let her know you have always wanted a relationship with her, and you're looking forward to the future.  Don't dwell on the past!  

Good luck!