How do you tell a 5-year-old he's not invited to a party?

Question

My son wanted to have a pool party this summer, and since there are 19 kids in his class and 2 good friends who don't go to his school, I said he could invite 4 boys and 4 girls (this after a birthday party 2 months ago where EVERYONE was invited). He chose 4 girls from class, 2 boys from class, and the 2 boys who don't go to his school, and e-vites were sent to the parents. We talked over and over again about how he shouldn't talk about the party at school because the kids who weren't invited would be sad.

Yesterday when I was picking him up, the mom of one of the "invited" boys was there and said to my son, "oh, we're excited about your pool party this weekend! It looks like it's going to be sunny!" Well, one of the "uninvited" boys ran over and said, "can I come to you pool party too? I want to come to your pool party!" Ugh.

So, what would you do? It's not that we don't like this boy...he's very nice, but we were just trying to limit the number of kids and my son didn't choose him. I managed to quickly change the subject and we got out of there, but for future reference, I'm looking for ideas in case it ever happens again. Suggestions? What would you say to him?

Answer 1

Duh, bend the rules a little and let the poor kid come.

Answer 2

just explain to him that there can only be 8 people there. tell him that he can come over 4 a sleepover or somthing at another time

Answer 3

Tell him that the pool party is only for people who got a good grade in their exams. if he got a good grade, tell him it's a consolation party for people who had a bad grade in their exams.

Answer 4

How about:

"Sorry Honey, you're not invited to the party because we were just trying to limit the number of kids and my son didn't choose you."

Whatever you do, DO NOT make a friendly exception and allow this child anywhere near that party!  There's no telling what could happen!  What if they all had fun or became closer friends or something like that.  Do you want that on your conscience?

Answer 5

Honey I've worked at a school for 23 years and more times than I care to remember children have handed out party invitations to a few children in the class. The other children are sometimes hurt. I know in my school where the children are very low income most of them couldn't come to the party anyway. I think since you didn't pass them out at school I'd forget it. The child will have other things on his mind in two seconds. I know some of the teachers I work with tell the parents they can only pass them out if everyone gets one. In your case it's just a private party and you can invite whomever you want. I can see you're a very caring person. My hats off to you.

Answer 6

I would have just said, "Sure, you can come.  I'll call your mom this evening and fill her in on the details."  My thinking is this:  What's one more?  He is a friend, not an enemy, of your son's.  You have to realize that asking your son not to mention the party at school to avoid hurting the feelings of uninvited children is like asking a dog not to bark or a turtle not to retreat inside its shell.  Even if your son kept mum, the other children are bound to talk, and in this case, even the mother of one of the children.  Frankly, when our children were young we invited everyone they wanted and didn't worry too much about the ones they didn't.  We had most of our parties at places like pizza restaurants, Chuck E Cheese, etc.  I would not want the liability of hosting a pool party myself.  I hope you have several adults on hand to supervise.  Children in pools can become very...what's the word...excitable?

Answer 7

You did the right thing by changing the subject. There is no easy way to handle a kid with "kid manners" as I call them.

I would have smiled and apologized that we weren't able to invite more people.

Answer 8

if he found out about it and ur son didnt mind him comeing then invite him but tell him that  it isnt the best manners to invite urself...that way he will learn a lesson and u wont feel bad about him not being there

Answer 9

Just be kind and say "maybe next time". Kids know that this is a polite way to disappoint them. Sorry if that sounds mean, but true.

Answer 10

na-na-na-na poo poo (sticking out your tounge and your thumbs in your ears and squinting your eyes) you can't come!!!

Sorry could not resist!  How hard and difficult it is to be in that type of a situation.  Fortunatly for you, you were quick on your feet.  I cannot think of anything else then exactly what you did to handle it.

Good Goin Mom!!!