How do you tell a friend that their boyfriend is dragging them down?

Question

I have a friend who recently got divorced and immediately started seeing a guy a couple years younger than her. She is 24 and he is 22. He's very controlling, he's making her give up her house, he has never been away from his parents for more than a week and has never made an independant decision or thought about anything. She's "totally in love" after 6 months and wants to wreck her life by sticking with this guy. Should I say anything or just but out and watch her go down in flames in a few months when they buy a house together?

Answer 1

this would be one of them questions that at the end of the day dint really need an answer. she knows what this man is doing to her . she might be in a slump and not wanna be alone . the s*x might be good ,who knows. i wont pretend to. but what i will say is that if that's ya girl put her on but be careful how you do it or you could lose a Friend. some people love their misery.if that her and you still wanna be a Friend then just let her go down and be there to pic her up.i think she is mentally man dependent weather hes right or wrong for her , just the fact she can say she has a man. so i would say talk to her with caution shes ya best friend you should know how to do this

Answer 2

someone should give that girl some cookies...

Answer 3

Sounds as though she was on the rebound and picked a "loser".

As a friend, you should gently and subtly tell her what you are observing and feeling.

"Love" is sooo blind!!!

Answer 4

I feel thay u should just stay out of their business because eventually they will feel that your being jealous but youre really not

Answer 5

I'm going to give you an answer, but I'm going to qualify it first. Don't think that I disbelieve your story here, because I don't, and it may sound a bit like I do.

Make absolutely sure you are right before you do anything about this. Do you and her have some friends in common? If so, ask them for their opinions, and support if at all possible, and if they say you're wrong, GIVE IT VERY SERIOUS THOUGHT BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING (like at least a week). If you can all tackle this as a team, you're more likely to succeed, and you're less likely to be hated in the process.

Now for the rest of it.

Assuming you're right, you need to do something about this. You will know your friend well enough to know how to approach this, but there are a few things that could help. Give her facts, not opinions. Don't say he's a loser; talk to her about his lack of independent decision making. Don't say he's controlling (at least not straight away); ask her about who makes decisions and what sorts of decisions get made. Also, be ABSOLUTELY sure that you acknowledge any good that she brings to your attention, even though it'll probably pain you to do it.

You should also consider whether your friend was a child of divorce or not. If she was, having a divorce of her own will probably have shaken her to the core (she may well have seen her own marriage as somewhat of a breaking of the 'curse').

Good luck, my friend; nobody likes it when their friends are heading for a fall.