How do you tell a person that?

Question

you don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. There is this lady who has seven kids. I have two kids. Our kids love to play together. But one of my children has three different food allergies and her kids never wash their hands after eating or any other time. (By the way did I mention they almost never have any soap in their hours every time I'm there to visit). And always seem to be eating some type of peanut or other food item that my child is allergic to. And she always asks as if she is unaware of what's going on. I even tried just having them come over to my house and visit/play but she doesn't watch them she acts as if she doesn't even have any kids

Answer 1

You don't have to specifically tell her anything - just stop being available to go over and stop calling.

Answer 2

tell her you need to think about the health and safety of your child and that she is comprimising it, tell her not what she is doing wrong but what your child needs

Answer 3

OMG! I can't imagine having 7! Ack! Tie my tubes! Just stop interacting with her at all. Don't call and if she asks for playdates, just play dumb and tell her you'll have to get back with her.....but never do. If your kids ask, just tell them that the other family has other plans and soon enough, out of sight, out of mind, they'll forget :)

Answer 4

say it just doesnt work out and that your to busy

Answer 5

Your children are your first and foremost responsibility. If something is happening in their life that you dont like then you should definitly step in and take care of it. I would calmly tell the mother that you would rather her kids not come over as often and when they do and the mother is there piont out what her kids are doing wrong. It may make her feel bad at first but in the long run she will become a better parent. Whenever you get the chance I would have her kids wash up when over at my house and try to teach them about hygenie. I have a neighbor that is the same way with her son and I am always washing him up and teaching him whats right and stuff like that...lol. Whats the saying...It takes a town to raise a child.

Answer 6

Wow poor lady, I can't imagine taking care of 7 kids, i probably would forget a lot more than soap for the house, lol!  Or maybe they can't afford it.  When they walk into your house just be cheerful and almost drill sargeant like and say "march over in a line to the sanitizer, don't want my kid to have another allergic reaction this week! New house rules for EVERYONE!" and just sanitize their hands one by one.  Easy, you don't have to lose a friend over it and friends for your kids.  Mayeb this mom really enjoys you as a friend and making her kids sanitize their hands is a small price to pay for her.

Answer 7

well i had a similar situation me and my brother were really tight with a family who had kids the same ages as us and then our parents started fighting about stupid things and all of a sudden i wasn't allowed to see my best friend anymore and it was the worst thing ever. you should try talking to the mother about the issues or even the child say "could you please wash your hands after you eat" or tell him of her how eating certain foods could hurt your child

Answer 8

Find new playmates.

Answer 9

My daughter has a severe, severe peanut allergy. She is nine now and has outgrown her allergies to milk, eggs and fish. The peanut is forever though. We have pencil boxes that contain two epi pens, benadryl and an inhaler. I have one, school has one, and one stays in her backpack. She is pretty well trained and will regularly make the announcement that she is allergic to peanut and please get away if you are eatting something with peanut. She has a seperate table in the school cafeteria, everything goes on a napkin....nothing ever, ever touches the table directly, she uses a handi wipe on her hands before eatting (this is after washing her hands), etc.

I have run into this issue many times, with the people who just don't get the severity of the issue. What I have found to be the most useful is just to be very blunt.....I have also found that a very detailed, graphic explanation of an anaphylactic reaction.....I explain how the body reacts, and how the airway swells shut, the child suffocates while the organs shut down from shock. Four minutes with lack of oxygen to the brain and brain damage starts. Not to mention that the severe swelling of the airway can make it so that they can't get the tube (artificial airway) in. My father also has severe allergic reactions....so bad that they made him have a trach tube placed because they almost had to do a tracheotomy in the ER his swelling was so bad.

In your situation, I would have a straight forward discussion with your friend....a lot of people who don't deal with allergies depend heavily on peanut butter because it's easy and they don't know what else to serve. If this woman has seven kids, she may just be too scattered to enforce the kind of routine needed to make sure their your child is safe. I would try having them come to your house, but you are going to have to control the situation. Make them all wash their hands when they come in the house, don't let them eat anything that came from their house. Talk to the kids about the allergy....you would be suprised that kids as young as three or four will understand an allergy better than an adult does. All you need to tell them is that  (Child's name) can't eat peanut, or dairy, or soy...or whatever the food allergy is....because they will get very sick and have to go to the hospital. Then work everything in.....when it's time to wash hands....we are washing our hands to keep (child's name) safe so they don't get sick.

If that doesn't work, you aren't obligated to be this woman's friend....your obligation is to keep your child safe. That isn't always easy, or convienent.

She has seven kids.....which (unless she is one very good and devoted Christian), is likely a sign that she doesn't make the best choices in general and very likely is overwhelmed just trying to make sure they are all present and accounted for.

*****EDIT***** I just wanted to add that Purell and other hand sanitizers DO NOT REMOVE PEANUT RESIDUE (OR ANY OTHER FOOD RESIDUE) FROM YOUR HANDS. They kill bacteria......they do not remove food residue. Just as spraying a table with bleach.....you might kill the bacteria, but you aren't removing the food residue...you need soap and water and the scrubbing motion....that is what removes the residue. People are very misinformed on this issue, thinking that by sanitizing their hands they are being safe......they aren't, and that misconception could kill my child.

Answer 10

Your cultures are dissimilar. Find other mothers with whom to network. You don't have to try to ensure your children's well-being in other instances the way you need to with this one. Take the initiative for your children's sake and do right by them. A major part of being a responsible parent is by having to sometimes make very difficult decisions that could potentially hurt the feelings of another friend, for the sake of the health, happiness and well-being of your children.

Answer 11

I can't imagine having seven kids - the woman's mind must be all over the place. I completely understand that your child has severe food allergies - but this mother probably actually doesn't realize what's going on because she's a mom of seven!

The more kids you have, the less cautious you become. Remember how freaked out you were the first time your first child got a scrape or grazed knee? With your second, it's not as big of  a deal - so imagine how it is for your seventh. I think you just need to talk to the mother and let her know that she's endangering your child's life by serving peanuts. She will most likely get the picture.