How do you tell your wife that you are no longer sexually attracted to her?

Question

Since we married my wife has put on a lot of weight. I am discusted by fat and am not any longer attacted to her body, but still love her. How do I tell her to loose weight or else?

Answer 1

Did you marry your wife for her body?  If you did, then you lose. If you married her for love, because you love everything about her, then you got something to work with. Look nobody stays the same size forever, well most people don't. But you can't just go up to her and say, Hey your fat, if you don't lose weight, I am leaving. She has to want to lose the weight, maybe she gained it for a reason, maybe she has a thyroid problem, or another medical reason, but maybe, just maybe, her husband is a selfish jerk who never appreciated her for the gift she is!!

Answer 2

I think your p**** will speak for himself. Start working out as a couple, the buddy system works wonders.

Answer 3

I would be VERY careful with that one.

What might be a better idea is ask her for help on getting into better shape and ask her to partner up with you and plan the meals in advance together. If you two change your way of eating and start going to a gym or walking together at night it will bring you 2 closer and she will lose weight.



  

Answer 4

Try to get her to go to the gym and hopefully she will take the hint.

Answer 5

pretty much once you start avoiding s*x with her i'm sure she'll figure it out....we're smart that way...

Answer 6

Flat out: You don't love her. Real love means wanting to be with that person no matter what their appearance. People change whether it be by their own doing or uncontrollable circumstances. My sisters hub was in a car accident. It basically rearranged his face. Still she stays by his side. That's what you do when you find the right person. Being with someone because they are hot, that's LUST not LOVE. Be honest with her. She deserves to find someone who truly cares for her as a person.  

Answer 7

You just got to tell her... Tactfully though.  Dont say anything like "Hey congratulations, youre fat"

A good way is to tell them that you are concerned about their health.  That way it isnt a huge shot to their self esteem.

Answer 8

remember for better or worst, well there will be a time when you are in the worst position,ie lost your dilly whacker in a nasty cheese grinding accident, I'm sure she would hang in there with you, till thy found a donor

Answer 9

I wouldn't worry about it too much because she probably put weight on because she lost any attraction to you a long time ago. You are the one that is "discusting"

Answer 10

She probably knows already something is wrong by the way you have changed toward her. You need to sit her down and tell her as gently as possiable that you are worried about her health, and that she needs to see a doctor before major issues start to take place because of her weight. One thing i know for sure is that giving her a ultimatium is not going to work, she will only eat more because of the stress of it. You havent given many facts such as age, number of children, or any medical reasons that might have caused her weight gain. So its really hard to say.  

Answer 11

You might worry about your spelling just as much you idiot.  It is spelled LOSE not LOOSE.  I am with bumpy!

Answer 12

This is a toughie. What if you suggest you and her go on a diet and start working out together, just to be healthier. Her feelings will be hurt though, no matter how you say it.

Answer 13

If your little friend does not respond she will figure it out. If she isnt bothered by not having a s*x life, get some action on the side. If she doesnt want to have s*x why bother her ?  

Answer 14

Did you marry your wife simply because you were attracted to her body or because you loved all of her? If you loved her, her appearance would mean little to you. I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship - and stop evaluating your wife's waistline.

Answer 15

I think it is sad that you placed most of the emphisis on her body...what happens when the two of you get old? when you get wrinkled, and bald....and she isn't attracted to that? If a nice body is so important to you then you aren't suposed to be a married man..you should be a bachelor with hot dates. I lost like 50 lbs after I got married  partly because my husband prefered thinner women..but there will always be some woman with a nicer body than me...does that mean he should compare me? or threaten me? of course not. at least he isn't that stupid.

I hope she does that to you one day and you learn your lesson.

Answer 16

you tell her that you are concerned about her health and that you want to spend as much time with her as possible.. you don't want her to have a stoke or a disease that takes her from you any earlier than has to.. I would stay away from the physical aspect... if she is starting to suffer from depression or anxiety, the weight can be a factor.. I would look into the affects of being over weight on your health.. it really puts a strain on the heart.. especially if there is a history in the family...  

Answer 17

"Lose weight or else" is a real jerk way for thinking about it, but just talk to her and be as gentle as possible. Explain to her that since she's gained weight you've been less attracted to her, and try suggesting working out together to get you both in shape.

However, I want to remind you that no matter what, she is your wife. Her gaining weight and you being less attracted are NOT excuses to cheat on her or to leave her. Just a friendly reminder :-)

Answer 18

Any way that you tell her, it is going to hurt her feelings. I would try the honey lets get out and go to the gym method and lets get in shape, we have both let ourselves go, etc.. etc..and then if she asks why are you not attracted to me? Tell her you love her and even though she is the same person you married on the inside (which she is) that you still would like to get that spark back for each other.

Answer 19

The only time you should sit down and discuss her body weight is if it endangers her health. Otherwise, work on that lil predjudice thing you've got going there. It's uglier than a person being overweight.

Answer 20

Don't tell her.  Exercise with her.  Eat right with her.  Get out to play: hiking, tennis, cycling, whatever you both find fun.  Doing things with her will increase your closeness by giving you more quality time together while simultaneously helping her lose weight.

Answer 21

Just start doing things together... walks, running, biking, tennis, hiking... whatever... tell her you want to start getting in shape, you're feeling old... etc. and/or you want to spend more time w/ her doing active things... it will happen that way.  She probably has gotten into a rut like we all do and is busy doing 20 million other things and not worrying about her looks... if you guys start exercising then worrying about her looks will come naturally.