How do you truly forgive someone and let go of the pain they caused you?

Question

This concerns a long term abuse by a parent. How does an adult heal from that once and for all, and let it go?

Answer 1

Let me rephrase your question:

Why do I want someone who caused me pain in the past to control the rest of my life, even after they die?

Extract lessons from your past and move on.  I am sure that is you really looked and thought about it, you would realize that the pain they inflicted on you was the pain they felt themselves and was inflicted on them, whether real or imagined.  We cannot excuse what they did and we cannot forget it, but we can forgive them because we are still alive and by doing so we are refusing to let them poison our future as they poisoned our past.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy has been very effective in treating these problems.  ACT (Action and Commitment Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), using Dialectical Behavior Therapy techniques, have also been helpful.

Answer 2

It depends, if they plead for forgiveness, and want to make true amends then they have to prove themselves to you and overtime you will see their sorrow and should forgive but if you don't see the faith in them, leave it.

Adz.