How do you trust someone that you cheated with while married?

Question

My boyfriend was in the middle of a divorce when he and i cheat on his wife. I felt guilty for a long time because it was wrong and it is not part of my values. I have been the wife that was cheated on and the other woman. I really love my boyfriend a lot. I have tried talking to him about how i feel, but he always thinks that i am accussing him of cheating. I am afraid that what i did will come back to haunt me. He is at home every night and spends every weekend with me. He wants our relationship to work. How do i trust him with all my heart?

Also, he has a bad temper and drinks. Please help.

Answer 1

My suggestion is that you won't be able to. That will always be between you.

Also, a temper and liquor do not go together in a relationship either.

You need to stop, think about how you felt...about what you did...get right with yourself, and God. Then start all over again, with someone who is single!

All these things that you have mentioned will always haunt  you until you do.  And you deserve to be free both mentally and within your heart to give yourself 100% to a mate...and you deserve a mate that can do the same!

Answer 2

Sounds like a real winner. What comes around goes around there has never been a trueer statement. You put that bad Karma out there and it will come back to you. It is never a good idea to inferfere is someones marriage and I would not bet the bank on him leaving her either.

Answer 3

yea when man do that to another girl he would do same thing to you  

Answer 4

what goes around comes around...

karma can be like justice...

if you can't trust him, then dump him... :D

Answer 5

i can see how you have that on your mind.. he cheated and you seen him do that so what is to say that he won't do it again!

bottom line if you can't trust him then nothing he says or does will ever make you trust him!

ask yourself what has he done to YOU that makes you not trust him!

if you can only say well the last relationship he did cheat... Then you either need to get over that and realize it's a new day..

or leave him...

if you can't put that past where it belongs then maybe he isn't the one!

Answer 6

Generally once a cheater, always a cheater.  Sure, sometimes it's a once in a lifetime thing, and we could argue that when he met you he was already considering his marriage over.  But do you know the details of the divorce? What if he'd had extramarital affairs before?  This is tricky.

If it was just that you two started dating while the divorce was proceeding, I'd say not to worry because he probably didn't consider it an affair (even though in the eyes of the law and God if they were married in a church, it was an affair).  However, that you mention his temper and drinking raises a big red flag.  Likely that was a major contributor to his divorce.  You're obviously bothered by those two aspects of his personality.  I would leave him for those two things alone - I've dated bad tempered abusers AND alcholics/drug abusers in the past (not knowing the drug abuse part) and I'm so glad they are out of my life and I'm in a HEALTHY relationship now.

Answer 7

well you can say the two of you are cheaters so you should trust him! why not!! i mean your the same!! how does he know that you wont cheat on him, so i think ..you already cheated so gave a chance now.......theres nothing left to do

Answer 8

It'll come back and haunt you.

Answer 9

u need to hear justin timberlake's song 'what goes around, comes around'.

if u think he'll leave his wife than i suggest u to stop dreaming.

if u think u can have him, u need to wake up now coz it's not gonna happen.

his wife is already won the war n u're the 1 who lost it.

so for ur own good just leave him n all of sins that u've created.

Answer 10

You cheated with him on his wife, he's mean and a drunk.  When you try to talk to him he thinks you're accusing him of cheating.  It could be that he is.  

You may care for him, but this sounds like a horrible relationship.  If there is no trust, the foundation just isn't there.  If he truly wants your relationship to work, then go to a counselor.

Good luck.

Answer 11

If it was not part of your values, you wouldn't have done it.

I think the bad temper and drinking is a red flag. If he won't go to counseling with you to address that (and say that of course you can address any issues he has with you, that it is not a forum just to deal with his issues but with your issues as a couple before you go to any next step) I think you have your answer -- that he won't change and will rationalize his mistakes or twist them around to be your problem.

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

Answer 12

Without trust and communication, the basic building blocks of a relationship, you really have nothing.  If you are positive that he is not cheating on you, and he exhibits no signs of being unfaithful to you, then give the guy a break.  Things happen from time to time that people inevitably are going to regret, but that doesn't mean they want to keep doing it over and over, remember, he is a person to and he has feelings.  Sometimes  if a person feels that you are making an accusation they will actually fulfill your accusation, meaning if he thinks your saying he's cheating on you and he's not, he just may go and do it.  As much as you want to discuss this, it may, for the sake of your relationship and conversation, be better to keep it to yourself or share it with a close friend, just not him.  If he has that bad of a temper and drinks a lot, it may be best that the two of you take a break and see where your relationship stands because the two of you obviously have somethings to hash out before your relationship can go any further.  Best of luck and be safe.

Answer 13

Well, you are either going to have to trust him, or find someone else.  You can't carry on a relationship without trust.  I can see why you might be wary but, while being with someone else while you are legally married IS technically cheating, he was in the middle of a divorce, so there is some gray area, in his mind anyway.  If he hasn't given you any reason to believe he is cheating on you, you say he is with you all the time, then it sounds like you need to get over it or get over him, one or the other.

The temper and drinking are a seperate issue.  Is this something that you are going to be able to deal with?  He is unlikely to change, so either you want to be with someone like this, or you don't.

You have some decisions to make, I think.

Answer 14

You don't.  I've never really had to deal with the situation that you're in but I know plenty of people who have.  If you have doubts now, that's a clear sign.  Now he was going through a divorce at the time, so maybe it's not such a big reason not to trust him.  But I do know about having a spouse who drinks and if it bothers you now, it's not going to change and it's a horrible way to live.  especially if you have kids.  Hope this helps a bit.  Believe me you might think it will change but it doesn't.  Keep that in the back of your mind and make sure you are 100% before you walk down that aisle....it only gets harder.

Answer 15

As IF you are worried that he is going to cheat on you when you are together. You were the one that made him cheat in the first place! I dont think you deserve any sympathy and you wont be getting any from me. You never know if someone is going to cheat and if they have done it previously there is always more worry but you just cannot predict the future!