How do your a-parents feel about your search/reunion?

Question

or if you are an a parent how did you feel when your child searched?

Answer 1

I am an adoptive parent through international adoption. My children are still very young, but I truly hope that they are eventually able to locate their first mothers or other members of their first-family. My husband and I will support them and help them in the search as much as we can, but will let them decide how much they want us to be involved in the search/ reunion.

We also would be very open to contact if they decided to contact us while the boys are still young, although it's unlikely. Unfortunately it'll be many years until our children are old enough to access their files.

Answer 2

My a-mom was very excited and happy for me.  She was a bit nervous, on my behalf, that I not be hurt.  But she has been very interested in my whole reunion.

My a-dad has been more subdued.  He accepted it as something I had to do.  But he has had little interest in discussing it.  All in all, I'd say he'd like to ignore it.  

Neither of them, though, disapproved or tried to discourage me.

Answer 3

I have kept in contact with my kids' first family (those who are safe to do so).  There is a s*x offender grandpa, but I hope that the kids have good enough sense to stay away from him.

Here's what I tell my kids first dad:  I didn't get into foster care to split families apart or to put these kids through more than has already happened.  I tried to help them get the kids back and THEY decided they wanted us to adopt them.  That is such an honor!  How could I keep them from the kids after that kind of sacrifice?

As far as searching/reuniting with family members we haven't kept in contact with, I hope the kids will see why I tried to protect them from those people.  But if they choose to seek them out, they will probably be hurt.  And I will be there to sweep up the pieces.

Answer 4

I am an adoptee.  I searched about 2 years ago.  I have never told any one in my afamily that I searched and have contact.  In my own mind I am the point of contact between my two families, but I don't see why they need to overlap.  I know my aparents never wanted any information about bparents; bparents told me they felt the same about aparents.  

Answer 5

My parents are much happier with my reunion than they were with my search.  Mostly because now the unknown is known.  They worried that I might be hurt.

Here are some of the 'whys' of their happiness with my reunion.

They're happy because:

1. I'm happy.

2. My natural parents, siblings, cousins, nieces, step-everyones, aunts, etc. are happy.

3. My natural family is emotionally closer (bonded, if you will) than my adoptive family -- my a-parents are happy that I have something they always wanted for all of their children.

4. I have answers to old questions and new health information, that hadn't been previously updated since my placement in the early 70s

5. I have peace with the entire situation (at least as far as MY story goes).

6. My natural parents are MUCH younger than my a-parents and will "be around" longer.  **Please remember this is what makes my adoptive PARENTS happy -- the thought of losing them is terrifying to me.**

7. I feel a lot less 'freaky' around my a-family now that I know that there is someone (several someones) like me SOMEWHERE.

8. With a full medical history, I am now willing to consider giving them some grandchildren. :-)

9. I didn't move away.  I still live 40 miles from my a-family and 2100 miles from my (most of) my natural family.  I have really mixed feelings about this but I'm married, my husband's family lives near here and, for now, it feels like the right place to be.  Moving closer to my n-family is 'on the table' for discussion, though.

Interesting Q.  Thanks for asking.  Take care!

Answer 6

my aparents paid for my search.  they were 100000% supportive in my search.

Answer 7

Both of my parent new the day would come, so I think they were prepared for it. My mom I think had a hard time with it at first and my dad was ok with it. I do think they were worried b/c they didn't want me to get my hopes up and something go wrong.  

Answer 8

My amom was a little apprehensive at first.  But, she was awfully curious, too.  She wanted to know more about my first family.  Her health was poor, so she never got to meet them before she passed away.

ETA:

Cruz, I like the pirate garb!  Very fun.

Answer 9

they were fine with it. i think because they knew that i loved them. they are very secure, loving, caring people. in fact they were the ones to prompt me to search!

Answer 10

My parents have always been for me searching for my birth parents.  Ironically, I don't want to want to search for them.  I am totally fine not knowing who they are and what they look like.  The only thing that I do want to know is my medical history.  I should say I have tried to obtain my medical records but the adoption agency that I came from "lost" my records.  Anyway back to the present, my parents work with a local agency and say that this agency will help me anytime I want to search.  But I tell them thanks but no thanks.  

Answer 11

I didn't search. A new family just kind of dropped into my lap. I was coming back from middle school one day, when I got home and ate some cookies and my mom told me that she had news about my biological family. My biological parents weren't on speaking terms with their respective families after I was born (or after they died); the families didn't even know I existed. But the Israeli government tracked them down (like 10 years after I was adopted... everything takes a really long time in Israel) and I went to meet them. I am with them right now, and I've been twice before. They're nice people, but I don't feel the same connection with them I feel with my family back in New York.

But my parents were really supportive - they even helped me out with costs for the trip, and they are good friends with my biological grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins. (It turns out I had an aunt living in TN.)

Answer 12

I am an adoptive parent and if you would have asked me this question a year ago I would have been dead set against my son reuniting with his mother. I used to think that he did not need her because he had me. After doing alot of research, almost a year of therapy and thanks to the  the people here I realized that his search will have nothing to do about me. It is something that he will need to do for himself. I completely support him and have been saving bits of info that I find re: her and her family for him.

Answer 13

They supported me.

My mom said she was secure - she said she knew it would be my right, my time to do it because this journey would be about ME. Not about my aparents.

She is also sad about it, because the realization that I am now actively communicating with both sides (as best I can) is starting to hit home. And again, she recognizes that this day would have probably come eventually so it did not come as much of a surprise when I said I wanted to search.

My dad also recognizes that I belong to my original mother and father - no matter how many years have passed. So even though he is a bit... insecure/curt about it, he knows it's my decision as well.

I couldn't have asked for a more respectful and understanding set of adoptive parents.