How does Asperger syndrome affect a relationship?

Question

My boyfriend is Aspergic and he is often selfish, inconsiderate and insensitive. He's also very literal-minded.

It's really ruining our relationship.

Is that down to the AS?

Answer 1

Well you picked someone with a form of autism, you can't blame them because they can't help it.  When someone is not capable of being unselfish, considerate, or sensitive you can't really call them selfish, inconsiderate and insensitive.  The trademark symptoms are always failure to demonstrate empathy, and physically clumsiness.  People with AS experience great difficulties in social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments or achievements with others.  They may also experience impaired nonverbal behaviors such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture.  They may have an intense preoccupation with a narrow subject and be very one sided.  Unlike those with regular autism, people with AS are not usually withdrawn around others.  They will approach others, even if awkwardly, for example by engaging in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic while being oblivious to the listener's feelings or reactions, such as signs of boredom or haste to leave.  Pursuit of specific and narrow areas of interest is one of the most striking features of AS.  Rituals and habits be also be observed by some.  I think it's safe to say you will never have a normal relationship with such a person and should not expect to.  Know what to expect and don't have unrealistic expectations about where the relationship is going.  Some people with AS do grow out of their symptoms (especially from childhood) and a smaller number as adults.  MOST adults end up staying at home and work independently, only a small percentage will marry.  And often due to the frustration and failure of relationships, many grow depressed and experience mood disorders.  Any disruption or break in their rituals may also cause great anxiety (like those with other forms of autism).   I would say someone with AS that has found a good friend and especially a romantic partner who accepts them and understands them is probably a greater treatment than any other. Medication has not found to be very effective.  But it would take a lot from the other person since social and especially intimate relationships often end in failure,  Medication has not found to be very effective.  

Answer 2

This my help...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger's_...

good luck...

Answer 3

yes

people with AS tend not to be good at empathy or reading the emotional state of others or reading facial expressions etc

its not really selfishness - would you say someone who couldnt understand maths was selfish?

maths and emotional expression are like languages.  some people can 'speak' maths, some cant.  people with AS arent selfish, they just have a hard time 'speaking' the language of emotions, thats all

Answer 4

That is very likely due to AS. People with Asperger's syndrome (often called aspies) tend to take things literally and may struggle to understand things that are not meant literally. That's why it's necessary with many aspies to say what you mean and mean what you say, because they can't read between the lines or get subtle hints others would pick up.

Most aspies are unable to read into body language and social cues and are unaware of unwritten social rules. Many aspies are unable to know what somebody else feels like unless they are told about it. You could say that aspies are "socially blind" and lack social intuitive.

Your boyfriend most likely doesn't know how to be considerate, because nobody has explained it to him. Aspies often display inappropriate behavior without realizing it and without meaning to. He may also not realize that he's coming across as insensitive. He may lack empathy or come across as insensitive when he might really just be unable to read into your feelings due to AS.

It sounds like it might be a good idea to sit down with your boyfriend and discuss the problems that you feel are ruining the relationship and let him know how you feel and find out how he feels.