How does a 15 year old teenager want their mom to talk to them?

Question

How should I act and behave?My daughter says I don't listen to her problems,but I do.I try to give her advice but she says I have no idea what she is saying half the time.I told her honey I have been there done that.I was a teen myself in the past.I am in my late 40"s.My teenager is driving me nuts.She complains all day,and also hugs me too much,then she does a 180 degree turn around and yells too much.What can I do?I try to understand her behavior.I know it is normal teenage behavior.But I am getting more gray hairs daily from her behavior.She also has little/few friends.Her best friend is pregnant.And she does not understand that her friend is always busy and tired all the time.My kid needs more friends but refuses to get more friends.She is home schooled because of being sick a lot,and being lazy not getting up on time and being extremely late a lot of times.The high school suggested home schooling for problem kids.

Answer 1

im 15 and i know how she feels. she wants your advice, but when you give it to her she thinks its dumb and refuses. the only reason why she probably dosnt like your advice is because she dosnt wana sound nerdy by saying yes, although she knows that it is the right thing. just tell her that you wont feel any different about her if she accepts your advice and does what you tell her.  

Answer 2

I'm not big on home schooling for high school.  There's too much important socialization that goes on at that age that can't be given at home.  It also sounds like your daughter need to get a handle on structure (be at school on time, class schedules, etc) because that's the way much of the world operates.  If she's a "problem" student, then deal with that on your own or with some familiy counseling.  Some schools like to push off kids that aren't ideal, so I just wouldn't go along with it very easily.  And, if she is a real problem kid, then you have a real problem that seriously needs to be addressed.

As for talking with you / defying you... heh, that's 15 isn't it.  She needs you, wants your advice and love, but also wants to be independent and make her own decisions.  She doesn't know how to make both happen.  So, it's inconsistent and a bit of an internal battle for her, which of course ends up a battle with you, too.  Uhg.  No envy here.  She'll grow out of it.

Answer 3

This is a tough one, and I feel like I can relate from both angles.  I'm 22 and I still live at home with my Mother, and she is always complaining that I need to be more independant and less clingy.  I love my Mother with all of my heart and I love spending all my time with her.  I too don't have too many friends, but I have a substantial few and it gets me through.  15 is a very hard age, which I'm sure you understand.  Is your daughter shy?  Maybe she's insecure and it's hard for her to put herself out there to make friends.  I know I used to have a terrible time, I'd always be afraid of not fitting in or being cool enough (I'm more of an artsy type though, not very trendy and that can be hard).  In any case reassure your daughter that she can make friends and isn't an outcast.  Also, since she is home schooled she has to make more of an effort to make friends, which she doesn't seem willing to do.  How about having her enrole in a community college course in the evenings?  Just something fun, maybe a PE class or an art class, so she can meet new people?  Or how about a club or something like that?  I know it's hard to encourage someone who pushes you away, but maybe your daughter is depressed and needs you to be more forceful.  Like I said, encourage her and try not to push her away no matter how crazy she's driving you.  Make sure to let her know you need your own space though, and you need alone time and you can't always make decisions for her.  In any case I wish you luck, and I hope this helped :)

Answer 4

First of all ,don't give her advice if she doesn't ask for it.  That's a real turn-off.  Have you ever heard of active listening?  You repeat what they say like,  I know you're upset because I won't let you go to the mall.  That must make you feel angry.  I can understand how you're feeling,

You haven't given in to her demands but she will feel like you know where she is coming from.

Answer 5

Well this is a teenage thing for sure . Im 15 and I'm like sometimes but when ever i speak to my mum it ends up joking around thats how its always been.

Maybe you should tell her straight and tell her she needs to go to school, and that she's not getting homed schooled now. and just tell her why.and when she wants to talk to you about things try and act like her age in a way like joke around then she wont find it boring and then get annoyed and complain.most kidz like the cool mum thing but if your gonna try this dont make it so she can tell your trying to be cool.just have a laugh with her everynow and then. and maybe get her some counselling in school i done this its really good you can just talk about anything if you want and talk about good and bad things of telling with things.

Answer 6

I think you should allow her to attend school in a normal setting. All "problem kids" don't get home schooled. She probably doesn't want to meet new people because she doesn't have that platform to. In school she could relate to others dealing with the same situations in life. Whereas being home schooled she is only in contact with those that come to the house or live in the neighborhood. Encourage your daughter to attend  school because of the fun activities (junior/senior prom, sports, clubs, etc).  Lastly high school is when teenagers have low self-esteem so if there is no one to help her cope with that besides family it can spiral out of control(True statement/Psychology). I hope this helps.

Answer 7

She doesn't want you to talk to her.  

There is no easy answer to your question.  All parents just do the best they can and hope they survive the trauma of having teenagers.  

My only advice?  Patience.