How does a woman get past hurt feelings from a mother?

Question

My parents have been playing this favoritism game for 30 years. You see, as a child I was Never allowed to get angry or "talk back" to them. The ceiling has hit the fan honey and it is not pretty. I try not to be petty so please tell me if you think this is all in my head.

My parents just arn't there for me emotionally. I am a mother myself, and all I can think about is the fact that I would never do this to my 3 kids. I'll give you an example of the games that we play...

When I had my 3rd child, she was in the hospital for 2 weeks..Well I actually mustered up the courage to ask them to come 300 miles to help me. "My mom couldn't take it" was my dads reply. Secondly, I graduated nursing school and they came and visited for 4 days, or dropped in as my husband put it.

My nephew is a sweety and has clubbed feet. This is not good...He is little and has had many treatments to staighten this foot....Well, being 3000 miles away now, my parents visited them for 3 weeks and are now at the hospital with them to help out.

I can't help it but say "It's great that mom can be there for YOU." That was a e-mail response to the issue...So where am I to go w/ this repressed anger...do I continue to do the adult thing for once and confront them...Don't forget "We don't do this"....HELP

Answer 1

First of all your not alone.You are not the first to be done this way,and we probably want be the last.My Mom is the same way. She will go out of her way too do something for her other three kids,but when it comes to me no way. It is very hard to do the right thing when you have been treated like this for so many years,like since birth. I just started to pray about it,and ask God how I should handle the problem,I only see them meaning my family once in a great moon,and that suits me just fine. When I am died and gone they will probably,put on a big show at the funeral,but in private be glad that I am  gone. At that point I might ask God if I can come back just long enough to give them a taste of what they put me through all of my life. Then return to heaven ,and relax for eternity.

Answer 2

Wow! You do need to quit playing these games. I don't understand how a grown woman can be so jealous of a little child. You need to quit being passive about what you want from your mom. Regardless of what your perceptions of your family dynamic are, nothing will change until YOU grow up and start communicating in a mature and meaningful way! I don't think there is any need for confrontation as it does sound like you are the owner of this problem.