How does adoption work?

Question

I'm thinking of adopting in the future but im not aware how the process is.

1. Do i choose ethnicity of the child? in case i want it to look like me and my husband?

2. do i choose the gender of the child?

3. do i get medical records that the child is geneticly fine?

4. do i get reason of why the child has been put up for adoption?

Answer 1

1.  Don't lie to your child.  If "deeds make family, not blood," why are you planning on lying to your child about his/her adoption?

2.  Don't adopt or bio-produce a child if you believe you would die if the child died.  This doesn't indicate intense love.  It indicates emotional instability.  Bad environment for child to grow up in.

3.  Why are we "selfish" for suggesting it's wrong to lie to an adopted child about his/her adoption?

4.  "It"???

Answer 2

All those questions can and will be answered by the adoption agency.

Also I really don't see the mentanlity behind many of your answers. I think your questions was 100% reasonable and if I were to adopt i would do all the same things.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

"well, apparently i can't have any children of my own. Why would anyone else adopt?"

I can assure you, the only reason a child would want you as their mother was because they couldn't have their own mother.  You're not the only one who dislike substitutes.

You're really not cut out for the job anyway.  But here's some reading material anyway.

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.b******s.org/bq/babb2.html

Adoption studies:

http://crimemagazine.com/07/adoptionfore...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Books:

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton

The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky

Answer 4

This is why adoption is seen as second choice MOST of the time!

See?

This is why it's apparently better to have "your own" - not because you can't get a medical history, not because you get to "choose" the gender of your child, not because you get to choose the ethnicity - but because a lot of adopting parents don't have "their own."

ETA: [I do not plan to reveal to my adopted kid he'she is adopted]

So you basically plan to lie to that child all their life that they weren't born from another woman. Wow.

Mom2ador...: You call it anti-adoption negativity. We call it truth - beyond the media and celebrity-ness and the rainbows and sunshine. =P

Answer 5

You can't be for real.

You've pretty much crammed into your question every negative stereotype about bad adoptive parents that you can. It's a work of art, really.

eta:   "I do not plan to reveal to my adopted kid he'she is adopted, therefor i would want to choose similar colors and/or characteristics."

Uh huh.  That's why when we adopted we specifically requested a newborn who would like gardening, Thai food, and cycling (for me) as well as football, chess, and playing the guitar (for my husband).  We asked them to match 'it' to our hair, eye, and skin colors. [no, not really, we asked for the next set of siblings on the list, any genders, any ages]

You can't be for real.

Answer 6

What is YOUR reason for adopting a child?

Answer 7

1) You can request caucasian, hispanic, African American, etc. That doesn't mean that your child will look anything like you or your husband, however.  

2)You can request a specific gender, some of the time. If you're adopting internationally there are some countries and/or agencies that don't let you choose. If you're thinking private adoption in the US, then requesting one gender over another might affect your waiting time.

3)You will get some medical records, but no one can guarantee that your child is "genetically fine". There are so very many genetic conditions out there, some of them so rare, that I've never heard of anyone testing for ALL known genetic problems.  Even though you'd 'die right on the spot' if your child should be seriously ill, remember that that can happen from medical conditions that are not genetic, or from accidents.  Sometimes adoption is a leap of faith. You have to be prepared for and willing to accept what you think is the worst scenario, just like if you gave birth.

4)You will get A reason why the child was given up, but there's no way of knowing that it's the true one, or the whole story. You don't know if the mom figured it's enough she's giving up her baby she doesn't have to tell the agency or lawyer the whole, probably very private story.  You don't know if the agency or lawyer is just telling you what they think you would like to hear.

Regarding not telling your child that he/she is adopted. You might want to really rethink that. My uncle is adopted. We all knew that. Apparently, he didn't. He found out at a family reunion when he said something about how surprising it is that he was an only child since we're a pretty prolific family.  Someone said, "Well, adoption was so difficult back then, your mom probably figured..."  There was my uncle suddenly realizing he was adopted and had been lied to for 45 years. He was not very pleased with his mother. Lies have a way of coming out.  If you really feel that 'deeds make family, not blood' then why not tell your child that?

Please for your sake and your child's, spend a lot of time researching.  It sounds like you're ready to give your heart to a child.  But you're thinking about what kind of a child you want and what kind of a child will make you happy.  You may want to spend some time looking at what an adopted child would want, and what would help to make him or her happy.  

Answer 8

I am looking to adopt kids in the future do and I believe all of these questions answer is Yes. And to people asking why shes adopting, she cant have kids! That is not my reason though, I want to help a child who needs a home:)

Answer 9

If you do not reveal to your child that he or she is adopted, you are keeping secrets and lying to your child.  That is wrong.  If you do not even have the basic decency to be honest with your child, you should NOT adopt.

If you want to understand more about adoption, you should do some reading.  Here are a few books to get you started.

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

ETA:  I don't know who you are responding to, but I assure you...  If you lie to your child, WHEN he or she finds out (and they will, secrets have a way of coming out), your child will be angry with you.  I could never have forgiven my parents if they had lied to me.  You need to learn more about adoption before you do anything else.  It's clear you know very little.